My Family

"Life will knock you down. You can choose to stand up again."




Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Three Weeks

It's been three weeks since P gained his angel wings. It seems like not that long, but it also seems like so much longer. I've needed, so much, to have P time - where I just sit in his office and talk to him about life and he lets me cry while he hands me all of the purple taffy from the bowl. I need a back-to-school chaos blessing, but he's not here to do that. I need to hear him sing. But he's not here to do that. I need to talk to him about opportunities, frustrations, funny stuff that only he would laugh at. But he's not here to do that.

I messaged Kenzie Lou last night to remind her that she's loved and supported and KNOWN. Sweet Kenz has her hands full. I remind her often that she is prepared for this. I also remind her that all she has to do is reach out. We will all be there for them!


P, we are going to have our fall employee appreciation softball game and lunch! Except, this time the entire Public Services Department will be there. I have my hands full to make sure it's just what would have made you smile. You won't be catching this year - razzing everyone who came to the plate. You won't be hitting doubles, that only turn in to singles because you were getting old. You won't be making the salads for me while I set everything up because you knew just what I needed you to help me with so I didn't stress - like over the top stress! But, I hope and I pray that you're close by. I hope that our guys will hear you razzing them from behind the plate. I hope that we will all hear your voice and your laugh in our hearts.

I miss you every single day. I think you'd be proud of how we are doing. We have been told we are on "auto-pilot." However, I think that we continue to go about 65 MPH, which is the exact speed you lived your life at. Sometimes we play Neil Diamond. Sometimes we cry. Still. Sometimes we hug - okay every day we hug.

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Single Mom Life - Putting Them To Work

I have almost always worked for men, who have wives who are able to stay home and raise their families and make their houses homes. At times, they have been less than understanding about the fact that at my house, all of those things that their wives do during the day still have to be done at my house, just in much shorter periods of time. I have to make the money, pay the bills, run the errands, get kiddos to doctor and dentist appointments, do the shopping, make the meals, do the laundry, do the dishes, vacuum, do the garbage, plan the meals, attend the functions, cut hair........ It goes on and on. But, it's just me. Just me.

However, I am not raising my children to sit and watch Mom do it all by herself. I can't. I won't. Not only would that not be fair to me, but it wouldn't be fair to them. They are capable and we are a team. For this reason, once they turned 10, they did their own laundry and ironing. Even Colton. I have not done their laundry in years. I have not done their ironing in years. They do dishes. They fix meals. They do grocery shopping. They clean the house. We all pitch in and do these things. And, sometimes I'll notice that one of them grabbed my laundry and did it for me! They are great organizers and hard workers. I am proud of them.


Sunday, Bishop came over to our house to set Jackson apart as the 1st Assistant in the Priest Quorum. Afterwards, he gave us blessings. In each blessing, he told my boys that their mama loves them and that I sacrifice for them and that I do everything in my power to take care of them. Kaydon said, "That's so true. You can see it in her. She sweats sacrifice and hard work for US." I cried a little. But, how grateful I am that they see that their mama loves them. How grateful I am that they never, ever complain about being part of this team where we work hard and love hard.

Monday, August 14, 2017

Baby Time!

Friday night, Jackson and Braxton met me at Uncle Brandon and Aunt Carrie's house to babysit the babes. As always, Anson was completely chill. Asher, not so much. Baby Asher was not very happy with the world. Poor little guy. We had to do lots of snuggles and bouncing and walking. Jackson and Anson just chilled and watched Baby Einstein.

Saturday night, we all met Uncle Brandon and Aunt Carrie at Farmington Station to get Baked Bear to celebrate this month of birthdays! The boys loved it!! We loved some more on these babes and laughed and talked. Brandon has been having talks with Jackson and Braxton about what they think they want to do after high school. Braxton is the tough one to get through to. I am so grateful that my boys have amazing uncles who are helping them to become great men.

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Kaydon is 15!!

This miracle boy of mine is 15 today! As per tradition, I will be emailing his gastroenterologist an update on this boy who so many thought would die in infancy. His doctor felt otherwise and always fought hard for Kaydon! Kaydon is creative, hard-working, driven, spiritual, loyal, and has so much personality! He will be a 9th grader this year!! I cannot wait to see what this year brings him! Love you, Buddha!

Friday, August 11, 2017

Friday Favorites - Memories

I am so grateful for pictures of P that are at my desk. On Wednesday, I called his voice mail (which still has his voice mail message on it) and recorded his voice on to my phone. That might sound weird, but some days I just need to hear that dang voice that irritated me so often. My favorite thing about my memories is the picture that Colton drew during the funeral. Colton was so much better at the funeral than I thought he'd be. Two hours of sitting there, listening and being "reverent" is so hard for adults who are neuro-typical. As soon as the caskets came in, Colton shrieked, "Why is Perry in a box?!?!" I thought that for sure that was the beginning of the end, but with the help of Skittles and a drawing pad, he made it through. Sweet Colton and his love for Perry make me smile big everyday!

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Trading in Sassy for Sweet

The guys brought me in a donut yesterday. They said I was being a weeeeee bit sassy and needed to trade it in for some sweet. I don't eat donuts. But, I sure as heck ate this one.

Don't judge.

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Single Mom Life - Real Freaking Furniture!

I've decided that once a week on this blog, I am going to highlight single mom life. People, let's be honest - life is not supposed to be this way, but for so many people it just is and that's ok! So, I will be highlighting the highs and the lows, the good, the bad, and the ugly, the tender mercies and the struggles. It's our life and it's a beautiful life.

Saturday, Brandon texted me that his assistant, Keeli, had a bedroom set. I jumped on the chance to get it! We literally have no real furniture. It's just not in the budget. Don't get me wrong, we have a couch. It was $50 on KSL six years ago. We all have mattresses. We have broken down, used dressers. But, not real furniture.

You guys!!! This is my new bedroom set:

The boys so gladly switched rooms for Braxton and I. They put together the furniture. They helped me put all of my clothes away. They helped me clean. They were so glad for me. They told me to lay down and see if it was comfortable enough for me.

Jackson and I ran an errand on Thursday night. Just me and him. He told me that he is so grateful for our challenges in our family of five. He told me that because of what we have been through, the boys don't take anything for granted. They know they have to work hard because they see me work hard. They know they are not entitled to anything. They know that life is hard. They know how to budget, how to prioritize, how to work hard, how to pay tithing, how to be so grateful for what we do have.

As he told me these things, I realized that indeed our trials and struggles and hardships are blessing in our lives.

This single-mom thing is not such a bad gig when I hear my boys speak of our blessings like that.