My Family

"Life will knock you down. You can choose to stand up again."

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

14 Months & 11 Months

Oh, these babies!

Asher is 14 months old. He is naughty. He is oh-so mobile. Carrie brought them in to my office a couple of weeks ago and he just walked all over the dang place! Mr. Watkins tried to give him a bite of a peanut butter cup, but he spit it out. LOL!

Anson is 11 months old. He is so sweet and so tender. He gets nervous about new places and new environments. He has the sweetest smile.

These boys... I am telling you. They have my whole heart.

My mom and Kaydon watched them on Saturday. I rested all day. But I missed being with them so much. I can't wait to get Auntie loves again!

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Single Mom Gig - Can't Make This Stuff Up!

Last night, Braxton texted me from work: "Ma, can you meet me at Instacare?"

People, this is a regular occurance at my home. Boys. Teenage boys. Really, it has never mattered what age they were. Boys. Wild and crazy boys.

Anywho, Braxton was moving a helium machine and the cap popped off and hit him in the right side of the jaw. He saw stars. He has a mild concussion. He also has quite a bit of soft tissue damage on the left side of his face (jaw area).

The doctors always have, and still do, look at me and say, "You really can't make this stuff up!"

Oh, I know.

Trust me, I know.

Monday, April 23, 2018


Saturday morning, I woke up with half of my left eye swollen shut and oozing. Jackson said, "Mom! Go to the doctor!" So, in my flannel pajama bottoms and dirty top I headed to Instacare.

When I arrived the receptionist said that I looked familiar. I was pretty sure I had never seen her before! She asked if I had boys. I nodded my head. She asked, "Did they bring you her in December?!" I said they did. She started to cry, left the desk and went back to get the nurse. All the while, I'm standing there with an oozing eye! A big, burly man about my age walked out and started to cry. He said that he was the nurse on duty on December 10th. He told me that he was a cardiac ICU nurse for 10 years. He told me that when the ambulance took me away, they all looked at each other and said they knew I wasn't going to make it. He said that they checked obituaries for a couple of weeks. He told me that their hearts broke for my children, who would be parentless. He told me that he had to poke me 8-10 times to get an IV in me, but that he felt the Spirit telling him that it was imperative to get that needle in a good vein... so he continued to try. He said on the last poke, Braxton had told him that if he couldn't get it to stop. He said I was moaning in pain, but unconscious. On the last try, he got it in... right before the paramedics showed up. I told him that it was that IV that they put the TPA into. His efforts saved my life. Along with so many other efforts on my behalf that day.

He said that the hardest part of his job is not watching people die... but rather not knowing what happens to patients when they leave. He told me that I was genuinely loved in that building and that prayers were said on my behalf that day in that building. What a tender mercy for both of us!

Now back to my eye... I had an eye infection that moved down in to my cheek. I'm on antibiotics. When I got home from the doctor, Lila and I sat outside for four hours, just chit-chatting like single mamas do. When I got inside, I read the bottle. It said, "Do not sit in sunlight." To say I am sunburned would be a drastic understatement.

Kaydon said to me, "Mom! You look worse in the light!!"
Jackson said, "Mom! You're a strawberry!"
Braxton said, "Well, there's good news.. you'll have a great tan. Bad news is that your face is jacked AF until then!"

This guy came home from a boys' weekend in St. George last night. I told him that he did NOT want to see my jacked up face. He thought otherwise...

Look at that smile on my face, though...

Friday, April 20, 2018

Friday Favorites - A Few of My Favorite Things

I am about two months into my Younique journey. I have not put a time frame on my Younique journey. I am all-in.

I am determined to be successful, and to come always from a place of abundance.

I am determined to have a second job which is successful so that I can support my family.

I am determined to continue to increase my own self love and to increase others' as best as I can... not by wearing a lot of makeup... not by putting a mask on every night... but by really realizing our worth and that we are good enough today, at this moment, right now.

I am really having a blast trying new creative looks. I believe it's the increase in self love which allows me to feel more creative, more daring, and more okay with being me... whatever that is.

I am so thankful for the support of those who love me... my family, MY BOYS, my T, my Jakki, my Caroline, Tami, Joy, Dave, Eddie, my mama, my Heidi, my Becca, and my Logan!!! Thank you to everyone who watches my hot-mess Lives, to everyone who comments and shares. Thank you for all that you are all doing to support us!

Thursday, April 19, 2018

Running Out of Time

Moments like these are running out.

Jackson, coming and sitting in my room just to chat and hang and shoot the breeze (or whatever it is teenagers say nowadays)...

Mostly, he talks about his mission and being prepared and getting appointments made and getting money set...

He also talks about me and making sure I'm okay and making sure brothers will be okay...

He doesn't talk much about girls anymore...

Or music...

Or dumb things he and his friends have been up to...

He doesn't talk much about things he wants to buy or do anymore...

He just talks about his mission and college and his career and his future...

I feel like I've worked so hard to raise my boys to be independent, responsible, compassionate, and full of integrity and now I'm seeing that all come to pass. He is wise FAR beyond his years. He is responsible beyond anything I have ever taught him. He is kind, compassionate, patient, level-headed, and full of the Spirit. He is my bubba. He is going to do amazing things.

Oh, the places you'll go, Jacks. I love you more than words.

Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Single Mom Gig - A Little Civility

I attended a really phenomenal training last week. It was about so many things, including civility. The teacher, an administrator from Weber State University, taught so many powerful insights.

She began the class by asking each of us to introduce ourselves in this way:
* State your name
* State your identity
* What pronoun(s) do you prefer?

I introduced myself in this way:
* My name is Heidi
* I am a single mom, a daughter, an auntie, a sister, a friend, a survivor, a yogi, and an ice cream lover
* I prefer she, her, hers, they, theirs, we, us

She spoke of the "one story" that each of us has in our minds of others and their situations. How often do we work so hard to be understood, rather than to understand?

She challenged us to a civility challenge. We each got a packet of 25 civility cards.

The boys and I will be working through these cards. We will be talking about the stories we have in our heads. We will be talking about our own identities and respecting the identities of others. We will speak of understanding, rather than fighting so hard to be understood.

Monday, April 16, 2018


So much of me just wants to unload about all of the really, really hard things happening in our lives right now. Why? Because they're hard! And hard is hard! Damnit!!

I literally did not get out of bed for 36 hours. The boys fed me. They brought me medications. They adjusted my position and blankets. They rubbed my neck. They ate the food that our ward dropped off. I laid there, unable to get my body to work for my brain. Exhaustion. Drastic increase in cognitive fatigue. Decline in cognitive function. After just one week of full-time work.

This morning, I got up and got ready. I put one foot in front of the other. I did today, not really wanting to do today. I did it anyways.

I went for a walk. I was reminded by my shadow that I am upright, walking, talking, eating, wiping my own ass. I am doing the best I can possibly do and it's enough. Maybe not for everyone.. maybe not for those within my employment who feel I am not doing enough. But, it's enough for me.

So, let's all keep going. Let's all keep searching for our shadows. Let's all keep smiling and loving and waving our middle fingers at the world that wants to be cruel and judgemental and difficult. Let's do us.