Friday, March 23, 2012
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Today is Nana's birthday! Last night, we took her to dinner to Mt. Fuji. I would have taken pictures, except my children were struggling and I was struggling to keep them from struggling so that we would all be anti-struggling. UG! Anyway, today is Nana's birthday... did I mention that? We love her and hope that she has the happiest of birthdays!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
I am a race-runner. Not really a runner, like I cringe when I see people running because it just looks so miserable. But, a racer nonetheless. Maybe a chaser, actually. I chase happiness. I have done it my whole life. All 34.5 years. Chasing happiness. Wanting what I don't have. Wanting to be married... ONE TIME. Wanting to own a home. Wanting children, whose father I remained with. Wanting to be a mother-of-the-year. Wanting my family to be proud of me, not embarassed by me. Wanting, wanting, wanting. Fail enough times and you don't feel like trying anymore. That's where I am. Why try? It'll fail just like every other time.
Well, I decided this week that it is time for me to be satisfied... to be content. I am running away from what I have today... and what I have today is pretty great. I have everything I NEED. I don't have everything I WANT. But, I do have everything I need, and it is enough.
Priscilla Shirer, author of "The Resolution for Women," says, "The more you believe that God's grace to you is overflowing, the more you'll be convinced that you will always have everything you need. And the more certain you are that you'll never lack, the more willing and able you'll be to give of yourself and your resources when called for because you'll be certain God will always replenish your supply. You can just bank on that. Your God can be trusted to grant you the supply you need to excel at His purposes. So, if you don't have it - whatever it is - it's because you don't need it."
"Contentment is the equilibrium between the enjoyment of life now and the anticipation of what is to come. It is the faith-filled belief that what God has bestowed now is worthy of gratitude and appreciation, not merely because it is enough, but because it is GOOD."
So, I need to focus right now on being satisfied and content with what I DO have and stop chasing what is out there!
Thursday, March 8, 2012
I came back to work on Monday. I had a rough day and left at around 3:00. Tuesday, I stayed all day and went home and slept. Then, yesterday. Good times! I was feeling pretty good, in my sweats, sitting at my desk. My boss was in my office and we were talking when all of a sudden something went very wrong. I told a lady in my office that I needed to go to the bathroom. There was bright red blood all over. Then, I felt like I was going to pass out. I have never passed out. It's one of my biggest fears, and I have never, ever felt like I did at that moment. I kept telling her that I was going down. Once she finally got me back into my office, my sweet boss came in and very quietly and calmly informed me that we were going to the doctor. I didn't want to! I just wanted to put my head down and sleep. He wasn't having that. So, he somehow got me out to the parking lot, leaned me up against someone's car, went and got his car and took me to my OB. Ever had your male boss take you to your OBGYN?!?!?! Good times! He carried my purse, pretty much carried me, and got me there. He was great. He stayed very calm and told me stories in the car. When we got there, I laid down on the table and they took some blood. Then, I had yet another pelvic exam. I'm pretty sure my vagina is my doctor's most familiar right now! Just saying. The doctor immediately found a large blood clot and removed it. My blood count was at 40%. Whoops! That's pretty much why I was "going down." The doctor said, "Heidi, nothing with you is normal!" Thanks Dr. Tanner. He has no idea where the clot came from. I only have two stitches left up there that haven't dissolved yet. He said it was a very, very good thing that my boss got me to the doctor. Things could have gotten very bad. I, too, am so thankful for my boss... and for Paula who got me back and forth from the bathroom and made sure I had what I needed. I'm back at work today... a little sore and a little tired, but feeling much, much better. Just another chapter in my funny little story.