Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Last week, in my AACL group, we watched a video by Dewitt Jones. Mr. Jones is a photographer for the National Geographic. He has written books and does speaking engagements on celebrating what is right with the world. I have fallen in love with his attitude, his drive, his charisma and his ability to change is perspective in order to find what is right with the world. Google him... and watch his video. You'll fall in love with him, too. Promise. I was in a meeting yesterday. It was a long meeting. I was tired. I was feeling sorry for myself during that meeting. You see, while I was taking minutes and trying to participate in this meeting, I was receiving phone calls, text messages and instant messages from my Jackson. He has an annoying cough and needed cough drops A-SAP at school. Here I was, in a meeting, taking minutes, feeling like a failure at my job at that moment and feeling like THE failure of a mom, who could not go and take care of my son at that moment. I work. Then, I received an e-mail (still during this meeting) telling me that my son, Jackson again, was competing in a "Battle of the Books" on Friday and I needed to be at the school for four hours on Friday to watch him. I remembered quickly that I would be at work, again, unable to attend. My mind wandered as I was trying to take minutes, trying to participate, trying to hold back the tears from running down my face. I walked out of the meeting and found a heart-covered package laying by my office door. It was to me. I went in my office and opened it. It was a book. I read the front cover. It was from Miss Birdie. The note on the front cover told me to go to page 69 in the book. I read it. It was a familiar story that Miss Birdie had told me before. Then, I opened the card that was in the book. It was yet another lovely note from my eternal sister. She told me that SHE couldn't do it without ME. She's crazy, I thought. She has saved me more than once...in fact over and over. AND, how is it that she ALWAYS seems to know, even before I know, that I will need her at specific moments. Like yesterday. I needed her and she was there, without me even knowing that I would need her. Dewitt Jones speaks of times in our lives when things are really hard... when we feel like giving up... and, then, out of no where comes someone (a beacon, he calls it), who has made it... and who will help us to make it. That rings so true to me and for me. I'm not sure why Heavenly Father still loves me after all I have done and continue to do. But, He does. He knows me. He absolutely knew who and what I would need on this Earth. I woke up this morning to "Mamma Mia's" sound track. I laughed, out loud. My children were singing and dancing. I drove to work noticing the blossoms on trees that lined my drive. I watched a video this morning of a young 16 and 17 year old, singing on America's Got Talent. I wept. They are beautiful. I came to work... a job I need, and am so grateful for. A job that pays our bills. A job where I am safe, and loved. I walked, and walked fast, as my body has healed. I am blessed. Life IS good. There are always tender mercies.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Besides making chocolate chip cookies, we spent almost all of our weekend outside. The weather was so great! We went for lots of walks/bike rides/scooter rides. We even walked to Sub-Zero to get the boys a little treat. It was a great, relaxing weekend!
Friday, March 23, 2012
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Today is Nana's birthday! Last night, we took her to dinner to Mt. Fuji. I would have taken pictures, except my children were struggling and I was struggling to keep them from struggling so that we would all be anti-struggling. UG! Anyway, today is Nana's birthday... did I mention that? We love her and hope that she has the happiest of birthdays!
Monday, March 19, 2012
We had such a good weekend! Much needed goodness! Friday night, Josh made dinner - spaghetti and meatballs. Heck to the yes! It was delicious!! We watched movies with the kiddos and just relaxed. Most of the pictures from Friday are courtesy of Brooklyn, who got a hold of the camera and went to town! Saturday, Josh had a scrimmage. Brooklyn and I went and watched it. It was cold and windy, but still so great to be back at a football game! Then, we got the boys and surprised them with a trip to a hotel! The kids were so stinking excited. We got to the hotel (in Davis County, LOL) and they swam and swam and swam. Best energy-getter-outer-activity ever! Yesterday, we swam somemore and then went to Boondocks. I have never been there. We went to the one in Kaysville. It is A.M.A.Z.I.N.G! We played and played. We bowled and played laser tag. I SO wish we had pictures of laser tag, especially because I won!!!! Boo-yah! Bowling was SO fun! And, yes, that IS Brooklyn using her bowling ball helper as a slide! So what?! It was such a great weekend. The kids had the best time and it made us so happy!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
I am a race-runner. Not really a runner, like I cringe when I see people running because it just looks so miserable. But, a racer nonetheless. Maybe a chaser, actually. I chase happiness. I have done it my whole life. All 34.5 years. Chasing happiness. Wanting what I don't have. Wanting to be married... ONE TIME. Wanting to own a home. Wanting children, whose father I remained with. Wanting to be a mother-of-the-year. Wanting my family to be proud of me, not embarassed by me. Wanting, wanting, wanting. Fail enough times and you don't feel like trying anymore. That's where I am. Why try? It'll fail just like every other time.
Well, I decided this week that it is time for me to be satisfied... to be content. I am running away from what I have today... and what I have today is pretty great. I have everything I NEED. I don't have everything I WANT. But, I do have everything I need, and it is enough.
Priscilla Shirer, author of "The Resolution for Women," says, "The more you believe that God's grace to you is overflowing, the more you'll be convinced that you will always have everything you need. And the more certain you are that you'll never lack, the more willing and able you'll be to give of yourself and your resources when called for because you'll be certain God will always replenish your supply. You can just bank on that. Your God can be trusted to grant you the supply you need to excel at His purposes. So, if you don't have it - whatever it is - it's because you don't need it."
"Contentment is the equilibrium between the enjoyment of life now and the anticipation of what is to come. It is the faith-filled belief that what God has bestowed now is worthy of gratitude and appreciation, not merely because it is enough, but because it is GOOD."
So, I need to focus right now on being satisfied and content with what I DO have and stop chasing what is out there!
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
How cool is this picture? He sent this to me yesterday. This is Josh, and his safety team, during the innvocation at Sunday's race. I love that prayers are given before NASCAR races. I love this picture. And, I love that this guy is coming home today!
Monday, March 12, 2012
Josh has been in Las Vegas for the NASCAR races since last Wednesday. He doesn't return until tomorrow night. I decided I miss him. FYI. Friday night, Jackson went with the scouts to the Maverick Center for the hockey game and a great big scout sleep over. The other three went to Papa's for a sleepover. I went grocery shopping. Saturday morning, Jackson returned and he and I went to Insta Care. Ear infection. Amoxicillan. Thanks, Doc. Braxton and Colton and I went to Fantastic Sams to get their hair cut. Handsome boys, indeed. Kaydon and Colton walked to Fresh Market and came back with a flower... for me. I cried. SO sweet! I LOVE flowers! We watched the races Saturday and Sunday. Saw Josh both days on the TV screen. The boys thought that was so awesome. Sunday, Braxton had a sore throat. He is home today, borrowing some of Jackson's amoxicillan (don't judge me) and some of my ibprofen. That's just how we roll. Joshua comes home tomorrow. That makes me happy. I told him today that I just want to hug him and kiss him. I meant it.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Last night, the three younger boys and I went to Sub Zero. The sno cone sites are not quite open yet, so Sub Zero has become my haven. I am obsessed! Delicious!!!
Miss Birdie made me bread. Two loaves of bread. Miss Birdie's bread make everything in the world beautiful. Like, it doesn't matter that I had a blood clot removed out of a not-so-nice area because I went home to Miss Birdie's bread. I love my Miss Birdie.
B Beck... I love that girl. Did you know that before I went in for surgery, I received a package. It had an adorable little book AND chocolate covered macademia nuts from Hawaii?? It did! I hid them and ate them all. Did you know that B Beck could use your prayers right now? She could. Sweet little Baby Kevin, who is growing so big inside her tummy, is going to be born with some serious problems. He couldn't have a better mommy! Pray for her, please.
My Mo. I call her "Mo" for short. That's not her real, given name. Do you know why I love my Mo? Lots of reasons. 1- she makes me laugh til I about pee myself.
2- the woman has endured just about all that can be endured and she still makes me laugh til I about pee myself. 3- she commented on my post about having a blood infection and do you know what she said? "Hey, when you feel better can you update your cooking blog for me?" THAT is why I love my Mo. She has needs!!!!!!
Thursday, March 8, 2012
I came back to work on Monday. I had a rough day and left at around 3:00. Tuesday, I stayed all day and went home and slept. Then, yesterday. Good times! I was feeling pretty good, in my sweats, sitting at my desk. My boss was in my office and we were talking when all of a sudden something went very wrong. I told a lady in my office that I needed to go to the bathroom. There was bright red blood all over. Then, I felt like I was going to pass out. I have never passed out. It's one of my biggest fears, and I have never, ever felt like I did at that moment. I kept telling her that I was going down. Once she finally got me back into my office, my sweet boss came in and very quietly and calmly informed me that we were going to the doctor. I didn't want to! I just wanted to put my head down and sleep. He wasn't having that. So, he somehow got me out to the parking lot, leaned me up against someone's car, went and got his car and took me to my OB. Ever had your male boss take you to your OBGYN?!?!?! Good times! He carried my purse, pretty much carried me, and got me there. He was great. He stayed very calm and told me stories in the car. When we got there, I laid down on the table and they took some blood. Then, I had yet another pelvic exam. I'm pretty sure my vagina is my doctor's most familiar right now! Just saying. The doctor immediately found a large blood clot and removed it. My blood count was at 40%. Whoops! That's pretty much why I was "going down." The doctor said, "Heidi, nothing with you is normal!" Thanks Dr. Tanner. He has no idea where the clot came from. I only have two stitches left up there that haven't dissolved yet. He said it was a very, very good thing that my boss got me to the doctor. Things could have gotten very bad. I, too, am so thankful for my boss... and for Paula who got me back and forth from the bathroom and made sure I had what I needed. I'm back at work today... a little sore and a little tired, but feeling much, much better. Just another chapter in my funny little story.