Monday, July 16, 2012
This past week was very, very difficult for me. Only a very few people know the reasons why, and I'd like to keep it that way, as it's somewhat private, but it was a tough week. My emotions were not in check, and I felt a deep, physical pain. I cried most days, almost uncontrollably. I would close my office door and just cry. Then, I would open the door and get hugs from the people I work with. I would go home and just cry and cry. And then, I would notice that my mom had done ALL of our laundry, or had gone to Costco to buy fruit and toilet paper. I would be up all night, just crying, and then notice that KK was sleeping right next to me. I have a testimony. As I prayed my guts out this week, I had the most amazing miracles take place. Miss Birdie. Oh, Miss Birdie. She has really been through it with me! And, she still loves me. I messaged her early in the week and told her that I wasn't doing so well. She never left my side, emotionally. She checked up on me, told me that I was stronger than I thought I was and that she loved me. B Beck. Did you know that eight weeks ago, she buried her eighth child? Her sweet Baby Kevin returned to Heaven eight weeks ago. This woman text me on Saturday, said that she had been thinking about me and specifically asked me if a certain thing was okay (the exact thing that wasn't okay). Then, she told me that she had put my name on the temple rolls. I told her I felt so guilty that my trial was nothing compared to hers, and yet I was a mess. She said, "NEVER compare trials. We all have hard things." My dad gave me a blessing last night. It was detailed, lovely, articulate, amazing. I KNOW that there is a Heavenly Father. We are all His. He knows us. He really knows us. He knows our names. He knows who He can count on, here on Earth, to bless us. He knows what we need, and what we don't need. He hears my prayers, and then He answers them. I know the Priesthood is real. And, it's such a blessing. I know that tithing is such a great gift. We are blessed to be able to pay it, and then to know that our Father is bound to bless us when we do. I know that He loves me. I know that He even likes me sometimes!! I wrote often in my journal this weekend. I also read through past entries and underlined some things because they have such meaning right now. One of the quotes is: "Life's activities lose their significance when times of crisis arise. When loved ones are hurt or injured, when sickness enters the house of good health, when life's candle dims and darkness threatens. Our thoughts become focused." And... "In our times of deepest reflection or greatest need, the soul of man reaches heavenward, seeking a divine response to life's greatest questions." I am so grateful for my testimony. This weekend, my cousin, Jared, was visiting from California. My boys LOVED having him here. And, I did too. He was amazing with my boys!