Thursday, April 11, 2013
My Sweet Colt
My son has ADHD and Pediatric Anxiety. The diagnosis came almost one year ago, although it was clear that there was an issue before that. I told myself that I must be doing something wrong as a mother and that I would fix everything at home without doctors and therapists intervening. I was wrong. It was clear before this school year that I needed some help. The diagnosis was not surprising. In fact, it was exactly what I thought it was. Yet, it was still very hard to hear. I felt like, once again, I had failed. I had clearly done something wrong to cause my son to have these issues. His amazing pediatrician explained to me that there were several missing connections in his brain and that his behavior wasn't chosen, but that we could re-train his brain to do better with the connections. She did and has continued to give me hope. My son is sweet, sensitive, loving, affectionate, active, cuddly, and yet within two seconds he can be angry, scared, hysterically crying, loud, and unable to calm. It is heart breaking. His brothers have struggled with him often and consistently. They know of his diagnosis and they understand what that means, but they struggle to be patient and calming. They don't include him in things as often as they could and as often as he would like. It makes me so sad. But this weekend, the three older boys were outside. I heard them come in and repeatedly invite Colton to join them. I started to cry out loud. I was so thankful that they thought of him and made the effort to include him. He was in heaven! I have listened to them this week encourage him. This morning, Colton started choir with the school. He had to be there early and Braxton offered to walk him there and stay with him. It's these small things that mean so much to me! My son is not like other kids. He struggles with basic emotions. He struggles with switching from emotion to a different emotion. He struggles to calm himself when his emotions become too much. He struggles with basic feelings. But, if he knows that he is loved by his mama and his nana and his brothers, if he knows that we will always be his safe place, if he knows that he can come to us when he is in a whirl wind that won't stop, if he knows that he is perfect just the way he is, than he will be just fine.