Thursday, September 11, 2014
Seeing a Little More Clearly
The last couple of weeks have been really tough for me. I just can't find my swagger! Officially, I really have no idea what swagger is, but I'm pretty sure I don't have any! I have been struggling with everything: Math, finding time for school work, missing having time with my kids, two hour commute time, our relationship with Brooklyn's mom, having patience with Colton, struggling with trust, really struggling with feeling good about myself... you get the idea. I'm pretty much a basket case all of the time. Both Josh and I stayed home sick on Monday. That night, he said to me that we need do that once a month, just so that we have time alone. It's pretty awesome that we have to call in sick to get time together, alone! On Tuesday, we had yet another incident with Brooklyn's mom and that was it for me. I cried and cried. I expressed to Josh that I just didn't get it. I feel strongly that I have done everything in my power to make that relationship work, and it just doesn't. I have spent more time on my relationship with her than I have with my kids! I told him that I feel like I sacrifice so much for everyone and I'm just miserable. NOTE: I am NOT great in the Christ-like category right now. My thinking is selfish, I know. He asked me what I wanted. I told him I didn't know. He told me that it's important for me to find out what I want, and then to do it. I fell asleep pretty miserable. I woke up the next morning and noticed that my sweet husband had stayed up almost all night, researching videos and resources to help me feel better about all of it. He had sent them to me, and told me to watch them. I was able to take a deep breath and see things a little more clearly. Aren't we blessed? Aren't we blessed to know the purpose of all of this? Aren't we blessed to be children of a loving Heavenly Father who knows SO much more than we do? I would say YES!