My Family

"Life will knock you down. You can choose to stand up again."

Thursday, December 24, 2015

Journal Entry

Right now, I am sitting at work. I'm at my desk in a very quiet office. Mostly, I am just taking phone calls from people who aren't in the jolly-good spirit. In fact, they're pretty mean because their street is the only street in the state that hasn't been plowed for 56 years. (I really do take phone calls like that all day.) I'll be leaving here in two hours to go straight home to my family. We will pick Jackson up from work at 5, then head to Grandma Leanne's for Christmas Eve traditions with her. Afterwards, we'll go home and put on our new jammies from Grandma and Grandpa Robb. Grandma and Grandpa Robb left this earth several years ago, but every year, Josh and I get the kids jammies from them. That's a tradition that will never stop. My children love it, and it brings Grandma and Grandpa into our home and our hearts.

The last couple of months have been extra rough for my little family. Braxton has had several medical tests run recently. They have ruled out cancer, lupus, and rheumatoid disease. They will continue to run tests to figure out what is going on. Colton's blood pressure has been dangerously high. When it is too high, we are unable to give him some of his medications, which is no Bueno! We are working to get that lowered and keep it under control. I have been working seven days a week and about 80 hours a week. Josh has been working the same, but still has the responsibility of running kids around, school work, laundry, dishes, meals, etc. Not even realizing it, I had completely lost myself. I was acting so poorly with my family, especially my husband, with my co-workers, with everyone. My marriage crashed. My full-time job was in jeopardy. My kids were hurting. My boss was at his wits end. I was a mess. Monday night, everything crashed right in front of me. I quickly texted my nearest and dearest and simply asked for prayers. Tuesday morning, I texted my "part-time" job and told them that I was quitting, effective immediately. I didn't know how we were going to pay bill, but I knew that I had to quit. My family had to come before anything else. Within minutes, literally, my youngest brother texted me to tell me that he and my brother-in-law were paying off two of our bills. The tears flowed from my cheeks. Okay, they poured. I cannot describe the Spirit I felt in that moment. It's not describable. I went home, HOME, that night to my family. We ran kids around and then Josh and I watched a movie. Together. The weight that I literally felt lifted off of my shoulders was immense. My boss talked to me Tuesday about how he has been patient with me because I am family, but how he needed his Heidi back. I cried some more. He told me yesterday that he has his Heidi back and it makes him beyond happy. Last night, I went HOME again, made dinner, blow-dried my daughter's hair, watched another movie with my husband, and slept. I have three whole days off this weekend, to just be with my family.

Our ward purchased gifts for my children. Our family has been unbelievably supportive. I work with the greatest people, who truly are family to us. I am unable to describe the blessings we have as a family. But, I am so grateful. I am grateful for tithing and for prayer. I am so thankful for our nearest and dearest. I love my children so much. I am so blessed to be their mama. I love my husband. We will get through this. I know that we will be able to find out what is wrong with our sweet Braxton and Colton. Heavenly Father knows us and loves us.

This Christmas, I will be focused more than ever on my blessings and on my family. Merry Christmas.

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