The Friday after we came home from the hospital, I learned what I had been dreading. Josh had been having multiple affairs and he was expecting a son in June. Josh left that night.
The pain. The agony. The sadness. The hurt. The fears. The absolute terror. My family had just been destroyed. My children were devastated. I was feeling aching in every single cell in my body. I have never cried like I cried Friday night. It was nothing I want to ever repeat. Ever.
Saturday, Dad went with me to the bank and to the cell phone store to tie up the last of the ends. Josh came Saturday and moved his belongings into the garage. My boys were with their dad. Sarah came over and took me to get barstools and money for a new kitchen table and chairs. My boys came home and I loved on them. Ryan stayed a visited for a minute. Amanda, Carson and Brooklyn brought us dinner. That was probably the most comforting conversation. The boys and I went to bed, knowing that Sunday would be a day of rest.
Sunday morning, I woke up with some vigor. We went to Sacrament Meeting. I watched my all of my boys bless and pass the Sacrament. I was proud. I went to my classes and sat with people who love me and my boys dearly. I felt the Spirit so strong. I decided a few things that we would be doing a little different at home. After church, Jackson met with our Bishop to get the form for his Patriarchal Blessing. I then sat in the car while my boys took the Sacrament to those who could not be in Church. We went home and I fixed dinner. We listened to our scriptures while we ate. I told the boys we would now be having FHE on Sundays, since Jackson rarely works on Sundays. I also informed them we would be coming up with a family cheer (SO AWESOME!).
Braxton and Jackson went to a meeting. When they got back home, Jackson taught us about the Atonement. We then came up with our family cheer. It goes right along with our family motto this year:
This morning, we said family prayer. We then did our family cheer.
People, I don't know why things happen the way they do. I don't know why people make the choices they make. I do know this - we are never alone. My boys and I have been surrounded by heavenly and earthly angels for days. We are doing our very, very best. Some minutes are hard... like REALLY hard. I printed out my divorce papers on Monday. I am not waiting, or wasting any time. Our Heavenly Father is not leaving us to suffer. I am SO grateful to know that my boys and I were doing things right. We were righteous. We were/are doing the things we are supposed to do. For that reason, we are able to plead with our Father for comfort and for peace, and then expect to receive it. I can't imagine not having that ability because I hadn't been living right.
Each minute of each day we will do our best to find joy. We will do our best to rise up. We will do our best to love and to forgive and to move forward with our eye on the prize - eternal life with each other.