My Family

"Life will knock you down. You can choose to stand up again."




Tuesday, March 15, 2016

My Grief - The Stages

Dear Grief-

You suck! Like, you are literally sucking the life out of me! The last several months, I have cried daily. Almost every night, I cried myself to sleep. It was exhausting. Then, about two weeks ago I seemed to stop crying. I mean, don't get me wrong. I did still cry, but only like twice. I no longer had bad days, just bad moments. It was SO nice! I felt like I was healed! I felt like I had everything completely under control. Then Sunday night happened. Out of no where, I was furious, irate, completely pissed off. (I think that is the ugliest word of all time, but it is very appropriate to describe my feelings) My anger was visible, tangible, and boiling over. Yesterday it just kept right on rising up - and not the kind we shout for in our awesome-sauce family cheer! I could not keep it together for anything.

The hardest part for me, I think, is that it came out of no where. I was not expecting it or anticipating it. I had been doing so well. It just hit me like a semi truck traveling at 70 miles an hour down a lonely, dark highway. It was miserable. It was such a hard day for me. I didn't know how to pull it together! Ernie reminded me that it's part of the grieving process and that I really did need to go through it. I know he's right. It's just one of the stages and I need to let it happen.

In happier news, check out this sunset from my bedroom window! It is so beautiful!

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