My Family

"Life will knock you down. You can choose to stand up again."




Thursday, June 23, 2016

Alphabet Soup

Seriously, though. Can we extend the letters in the alphabet so that I have a few more to work with??
2016 has, so far, been a year I'd like to chalk up to growth and lessons in humility and absolute broken hearts and contrite spirits. It is also, though, a year I'd really like to never have to live again. I have been broken down to the very depths of my soul. I have felt completely overwhelmed and drained and exhausted. I have watched my children cry until they have no more tears. I have also watched them as they have gathered themselves to kneel in prayer and plead with their Father for help. I have watched my family members cry for us, and for themselves, for the losses we have experienced - the loss of a husband, father, son, and grandson and the loss of a daughter, sister and granddaughter. I have also watched as they have rallied around my children and I with utter faith and unconditional love. I have watched my co-workers and boss react to me as I react to my circumstances and my situation with, at times, the least of kindness and patience. I have also watched them text me every morning and night, sit with me as I cry for long periods of time, hug me when I can barely stand, and give me Priesthood blessings. I have watched my friends, my dearest and closest friends not know what to say, not know what to do, not know what I need. Yet, I have also watched these friends send me cards, send me Facebook messages, send me unexpected gifts, text me just because, take me to the DI, send me scriptures to read, music to listen to, talks to read.

I have, at times, questioned whether God can hear me, whether He does hear me, whether He knows me and knows that I'm having a hard time. Then, within minutes, I remind myself of the unquestionable answers that have come to my prayers constantly. I have continued to do what is right, what is asked of us, and I have remembered the words of an old bishop who said to me that when I am doing what is right I have the RIGHT to pray and to EXPECT answers to those prayers because He has bound himself to us when we do what is right. I have paid my tithing, with an unwavering faith that if I do so - my children and I will be blessed. We have attended the Temple, with an unwavering faith that we will feel the Spirit of comfort and peace there. We have prayed together and separately with an unwavering faith that He WILL hear us and that He will bless us in the way He sees fit. I have read my scriptures every night, with unwavering faith that answers will come to my prayers.

Plan A went by the wayside years and years and years ago. Plan B came and went. Plan C was like "C ya later." Plan D probably had a bad word associated with it. And through each letter I've gone. But, that's what this life is about. It's about trying, failing, then trying again.

We have found a town home in Layton. We will be moving there next Wednesday. We will have a one year lease. We will learn more and experience more and probably fail more, and we will also try more. We will be more. We will do more. We will love more. We will laugh more. We will pray more. We will play more. We will work more. We will be more.

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