In a moment this morning where I was furiously texting, I had a thought. "I am different." I am not the same Heidi I was 30 years ago, 30 months ago, 30 days ago. I am different. I am not concerned with being in a relationship. At all. Ever again. I am different. I am independently raising my four boys, in a place of our own, with food and clothes and our basic needs. I am different. I am confident. I am confident in my budget. I am confident in my parenting. I am confident in my work ethic. I am confident in preparing food, doing housework, canning, and repairing minor things. I am different. I have a strong, abiding, solid testimony. I don't question if we are children of God. I don't question whether I should, or should not kneel and pray twice a day. I don't question whether I should read my scriptures every single night. I don't question whether I should pay my tithing and fast offerings. I don't question the blessings of the Sacrament and the Temple. I don't question that we have a living prophet. I don't question the power of the Priesthood, when the keys of it are held by honorable men. I am different.
Throughout my life, I have been outspoken at times. I have always lacked tact. But, something is different now. I have no qualms about speaking my mind, particularly when it is in defense of my children. They are my absolute priority. They are my everything. They are the reason I do everything I do. I am different.
I am so grateful that I am different. I am so grateful that I have finally allowed myself to be moldable. I am so grateful for the patience that Heavenly Father has with me. I am so grateful for those who love me, despite all of my imperfections. I am beyond blessed.