I received a call yesterday afternoon - a call that is every parent's worst nightmare. A girl had gone to the office at the junior high to let the assistant principal know that Braxton had sent her a text message that stated he planned to commit suicide last night. I immediately left work, calling Brandon to meet me at the house. It took Jackson and Brandon until about 5:30 to find Braxton. He was physically unharmed. Thank goodness. However, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally he is broken. As are Jackson and Kaydon. What they have been through has destroyed them and their ability to cope with the things that this life brings.
When I asked them why they haven't told me this, their simple answer was that they have been trying to protect me. The three oldest have all had plans to end their lives. My babies. My babies who are innocent, who did nothing but trust and love. My babies who are WORTH IT. My babies who are children of God. I cried with them last night. I told them they are worth it. I reminded them that they are children of Heavenly Father. They have each lost faith. They wonder why. So did I. They are literally broken.
I am waiting for a call from an intake coordinator from Davis Behavioral. My three oldest will be in counseling just as soon as I can schedule an appointment. I will join them. We will heal from this. From all of it. I have severed ties with Josh completely, including his sweet, beautiful children. I pray for them as well - that they will receive the help and support they will need as they grow older. But, my priority is on my babies. It is on my sweet boys, who are worth it.