One year ago today, I posted about my feelings. They were so raw. I was in a lot of pain. I just could not see myself outside of the dark tunnel I was in. I could not see the big picture. I remember physically hurting. I remember going home, not telling anyone, hiding in my bed, and crying for hours. I remember P calling and calling, trying to find me. I remember the next day, driving with P for 8 hours. I cried a little, we talked a little, and then he gave me a blessing.
Today is so different from that day. I am outside of that dark tunnel. I am able to see much bigger pictures. My boys and I are good. We are well. We are not the perfect team of five, but we love, we laugh, we talk really loud, we eat a whole lot, and we carry on. We carry on and we choose joy.
Coming up in two days is our universary! Two boys will be at scout camp, one will be working, I will be eating lunch with my SLCC co-workers, and that night, we will celebrate! The five of us will celebrate how far we have come in one year.
I can't express in words how grateful I am for our family, for the birth of Asher, for the upcoming birth of Asher's baby brother, for my mom's ability to conquer cancer, for our visits with family and friends, for friends who have never let me be sad for more than one day, for our amazing ward, for my job, for co-workers who won't let me fall, for the Gospel and prayer. We are choosing joy!!