After meeting with the counselor who was brought in by Human Resources, I was told that I needed to not go to work Friday. Apparently, I'm not doing so well with this whole dealio. So, I slept for quite some time on Friday. When I woke up, we headed to the pool. Braxton, Cam Cam, Kaydon, and Colton swam for a couple of hours and I sat in the sun. There was a seagull that circled and circled and circled my chair. It was annoying and sneaky. Suddenly, I realized it was a tender mercy. I didn't want that seagull to leave me. Small children would come and try to chase it away and I would plead with them not to do that. It was my P and his way of telling me he was okay.
After swimming, we went and walked around Farmington Station with a Fizz in our hands. The children have been asking hard questions. This morning, Colton asked me if P is still dead. Yes sweetheart, his body is still dead. His spirit is more alive than ever.
Saturday, my boys were all gone. The quiet of the house was a lot more than I could handle. I called Brandon and Carrie and went over after the gym. I loved on my babes. Then, I went home and got the boys and we babysat the babies while they went to Uncle Phil's 80th birthday party. My boys LOVE their cousins. The best part of the night:
I was on the couch feeding Asher. Kaydon and Braxton took Anson in to the bedroom to change his diaper. Suddenly I hear, "NOOOOOOO!!!!!" Then, Braxton sprinted down the hall and said, "Mom, I will take him. We need you in there NOW!" I went in and found Kaydon holding Anson's legs up praying out loud, "Dear God. He kept pooping. Dear God. I will never unsee that. Dear God, it's all over. Dear God." I could not stop laughing. Little Anson was just as happy as could be. Poop every where. It made me laugh so hard.
Sunday, we went to my mama's and pops' house. Logan was there. It's impossible not to feel joy around that boy. He met his baby nephews for the first time. It was adorable. I love my family so much. We talked and cried. We laughed. We loved on babies. It was a good day. I was able to love on my Jackson, who has been in Sandy for a week and will come home Wednesday, in time for the funeral. He is struggling the very most of all my boys. His tears come randomly, just like his mama.
I am so grateful for a weekend full of beautiful distractions.