The Lord's Hand

I have started a new little habit. I watch two to three Mormon Messages each night before I do my best to fall asleep. I love these messages. They are almost all from a General Conference talk and I am reminded of a few things when I watch them: my worth, the love our Heavenly Father has for us, the importance of doing our best, and how simple the Gospel really is. One in particular has stuck with me this week. This has been a really, really tough couple of weeks for me. I have struggled mentally, physically, emotionally, really in every way possible, yet I have seen the Lord's hand in every aspect of my life as I look back on the prior days. President Eyring talks about how when his children were young, no matter how tired he was, no matter how long the day had been, he would sit down at the end of the day and write down all of the ways in which he witnessed the Lord's hand in his life. If we take the time to really look at the various ways in which the Lord's hand is in our lives on a daily basis, it is impossible not to see them. I have kept that little Mormon Message tucked away and have thought about it this entire week. The Lord's hand is always in our lives if we will do what's right and pay attention. There are tender mercies continually. They are there. They might be subtle, they might seem very small, they might seem very quiet, but they are there. Last night, I was reminded by Elder Wirthlin that we can bloom no matter where we are. And, we can. I KNOW that we are known and loved my our Heavenly Father and His son. If we will look for tender mercies and moments when the Lord's hand has intervened, we will see them and we will be amazed at just how much He is there with us every moment of every day.

Peanut Turns 12!

Last, but certainly not least, for my August birthday boys is Braxton. This boys is 12! He just started baseball and is loving that. Junior High has been such an adjustment for him, but he will be okay. Happy Birthday to my boy!

Happy Birthday Jackson!

This boy of mine is 14 today! For real!

The Boss

This is The Boss... trying to be me...

Blue and White Game

Layton had their blue and white game on Friday night. Brooklyn and I got to go cheer them on. She was slightly obsessed with the cheerleaders! She stayed as close to them as she could and would imitate the moves and cheers. She is SO cute! We asked my mom is she could make a cheerleader outfit for Little Miss. She thinks it's doable. Hooray for Nana!

Stay Strong & Fit, Body, Mind & Spirit

Our family theme for the 2013-14 school year is "Stay Strong and Fit, Body, Mind & Spirit." I made a banner to hang in the kitchen for all of us to look at throughout the day, but especially in the morning before we leave home for the world. I also had bracelets made for all of us. I hope that these things will help us remember to stay strong and fit. We will discuss weekly, if not daily, what we can do to stay strong and fit in all three ways. Last night, I explained to my boys that I want them to learn, really learn, the power of prayer. I want them to be strong and fit spiritually by praying to their Heavenly Father no matter where they are or what they are doing. I promised them that their prayers will be heard. I know they will.

First Day of School

I have an 8th grader, a 6th grader, a 5th grader, and a 4th grader and the MOST HANDSOME quorum ever!!!

The Spirit

I have had many, many moments this week of complete peace, tangible comfort, and inspiration. I have had too many experiences in my life to every question that I am a daughter of God. I KNOW that he loves me. I KNOW that he watches over each of us and helps us to bare our burdens. I have struggled this week while my quorum has been away. I have never been alone for this long and it's been an adjustment to be so far out of my comfort zone. I know that they are making memories that will last them a lifetime. I know that Nana is taking such good care of them. As part of my "Stay Strong and Fit, Body, Mind, and Spirit" goal for this year, I have been very focused on staying strong and fit physically with intense workouts each night. But, I have also focused on staying strong and fit spiritually this week. It has been that missing piece. I am listening to the Book of Mormon during work and sometimes in the car on the way to work. I am watching three or four mormon messages each night before I close my eyes. I am praying more intently and I am listening with more patience. We all know that as we read messages and listen to songs, we are just re-learning things that we already knew. But, each time we hear them or read them, we gain new knowledge, new insight. I love Jeffrey Holland says that we need not be afraid to ask for help. We need to "hold the ground we already have won... even if that ground is limited." He goes on to say, "Even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe." Our struggles will never cease. We may become exhausted, but we need to be grateful for anything - a partial blessing, a glimmer of hope, a small lifting of a burden. I love these words. I am so grateful for the moments when I have felt buoyed up, raised from despair, made strong in my weakness. I am so grateful for my knowledge that we are children of our Heavenly Father and that He knows us and loves us. *** I spoke to Jackson last night via text. My grandpa took him to the temple yesterday in Fresno and performed baptisms for the dead with him. Jackson told me that he had an amazing time, a time that he will NEVER forget. That is what it is all about.

End of Summer Semester

For some reason, I thought Summer Semester would be MUCH easier. I thought that because it is so much shorter, instructors would be more lenient. Wrongo Bongo! It was really difficult. I also took my first online class. It was very, very hard. I am so proud to say that I got a 3.3 GPA this semester! I got an A in English, an A- in Meteorology (miracle) and a C+ in my online class - which to me is my best, and therefore perfect! I have this week off and then I start back up next week with Fall Semester. The best part of this is that I never have to do this semester again. I get to start fresh next week.

Kaydon Turns 11!

This boy keeps me on my toes! He says the sweetest things you'd ever want to hear! He is my miracle baby who is now all grown up! He was not supposed to live. He was not supposed to thrive. He was not supposed to be doing all of the things that he is doing. But this kid is a fighter! He loves to be outside. He loves to be loud. He loves to get dirty. He loves to be with his Mama. Happy, happy birthday sweet Kaydon!

On My Own Projects

I have been on my own now since Saturday morning. It has been a struggle for me, but I have drawn close to my Heavenly Father. I feel Him by my side at all times. Saturday I ran errands, did laundry and organized my closet. That is no small feat people! I also went for a five mile walk/jog. It was so invigorating! Sunday I went to church alone. It was a mission farewell and the spirit was so strong. I played with my nursery babies and then walked home. I had dinner with my dad and my step-mom. We took the dogs for a walk and then watched a movie. During the movie, my dad got up to go to the kitchen and had a terrible fall. Thankfully, he will be okay but it terrified me beyond words. I went home and colored and made two salads for a work potluck lunch. Yesterday, I scrubbed the basement bathroom. This bathroom is horrible. My boys CANNOT make the toilet bowl when they pee! It about sent me over the edge, but I bought some new rugs and organizers and it looks great! I did an hour long workout and then ate my frozen grapes. So far, so good!

On My Own

This photo is courtesy photography by Brooklyn.

My boys and their sweet Nana are heading out EARLY tomorrow morning to go to California. They are going to ride horses, play on tractors, do farm chores, play in the dirt, hang out with The Uncle, spend time with Great Grandpa Nef, eat Great Grandma Nef's yummy food, visit with uncles and aunts and cousins. I am staying home. They will be gone for a full week. I have never been away from my children this long. I am not really okay with this, people! They are going to have the BEST time ever. This will be exactly what every boy dreams of! Food and dirt and The Uncle. Me, though? I am going to struggle with this! I have decided that I will have a project for myself every day. When I get home from work, I will complete a project. It might be small, it might seem ridiculous, but the goal here is to keep my mind off of missing my boys! When they get back, school starts! I will have an eighth grader, a sixth grader, a fifth grader, and a fourth grader. Yikes!

Big brothers

When I was a little girl, I always wished I had an older brother. I never wanted a sister. Sisters would not be near as fun as a big brother. I wanted a big brother who would protect me and play with me and give me piggy back rides. I wanted a big brother who would swing me around and push me on the playground swings. I loved when BYU baseball players would come stay at our house for days. Wally and Cory would sit on the floor with us and play Lite Brite and marbles. I loved that. I watch my boys with Brooklyn and they do all of those things. They protect her and swing her and swim with her and push her on the swings and jump on the tramp with her and fix her goodies and play Beyblades and read her stories. They are so sweet with her. I am so proud of them!

My Baby Turns 10!

This sweet boy turned 10 years old yesterday! He told everyone he saw at church that he was 10. Great! We had cinnamon rolls for breakfast for his special day. After church, he played with his beyblades, watched some movies and just hung out. He was a happy boy yesterday. Happy days are the best with him! He is so excited for fourth grade and to find out who his teacher is. I love this boy. He is sweet and sensitive and kind and fun. Happy Birthday my boy!

Goals and Stuff

I have made a goal. Stay strong and fit - mind, body, and spirit. I began exercising again this week... like really exercising. It has felt so good! The boys usually go with me. We walk/run/bike. My body is amazing. It has made four babies, gone through three back surgeries, had a heart surgery. It heals and just continues to do what I ask of it each day. I am so blessed. As I have exercised each night, I have thought about how I could incorporate this into my life as a single mom. I decided that the night before school starts in two weeks, we will have a special dinner and I will introduce a family theme for the 2013-14 school year for all of us. Stay strong and fit - mind, body and spirit will be our theme. We will discuss ways that we can do this and I will give them a special gift - a bracelet with our theme on it. And then we will each work on our family theme each day. Some days will be better then others. Some days won't feel like we succeeded. Some days we will feel like we moved mountains. That's just the way life is. As long as we are doing our best, we are succeeding. ***** In other news, next Thursday is the last day of Summer Semester for me. It has been very, very difficult. I have done my best, though. That's what I ask of my boys and it's what I expect from myself. Fall Semester begins on the 21st. I am learning and growing and using this brain of mine in ways I think it hoped I never would again! I am proud of myself. ****** In yet other news, I love being a mom. These boys of mine are amazing in every single way. We are a team. They know that we are in this together and we continue to put one foot in front of the other. I love these boys of mine! ****** Happy weekend!

Colton Update

This sweet boy has had a rough summer. He had his appointment with his awesome pediatrician/ADHD specialist yesterday. He did very well! He has lost a lot of weight. He now weighs as much as he did when he was 7 years old. He will be 10 on Sunday. I need to figure out a way to get more calories in this kiddo. The medication he is no wipes out his appetite. It is tough to get him to eat period. He is now very severely anxious. It is at the point where it is debilitating. The doctor added an anxiety medication and changed his ADHD medication to a different brand. Hopefully this will help to take the edge off of his anxiety so that he can function. He will also begin therapy/counseling again next week. Because of my awesome heart issue and the medication that Colton is on, he is much more prone to having the same heart disorder. For that reason, they did an EKG on Colton yesterday. It went so smooth! If you know my boy, you know that this was a big concern for the doctor and the technician. We all anticipated a big issue with him not wanting to do it, but he smiled and all! The EKG came back perfect. SO... onward and upward. School starts in a few weeks and we are going to get through it just like we always have!