2020

I know that for many people, 2020 has been very hard.

Earthquake.

Pandemic.

Financial stress due to the pandemic.

Loss of lives.

Heartache.

For all of you - I see you. I pray for you. I love you.

Our family had a really great year.

Our Jackson honorably finished his mission in the Chile Vina Del Mar Mission.

He came home in March.

We moved that same month into our home in Layton.

Braxton and Mia graduated from high school, amid the pandemic, in May.

We are so proud of both of them and so thankful for this amazing high school!

As another school year amid a pandemic began, we had our annual back-to-school feast.

It's all about faith this year.

Kaydon began his senior year.

Colton started his junior year.

I chopped all my hair off.

I continue in therapy and actively working on my addiction to validation.

I meet with my neuro team every other month.

I am happy.

I am content.

I am at peace.

I am so thankful.

 

Best Dentist

Colton and I got our fillings this morning.

Colton went first.

This was him about 45 minutes later.

Zonked out while I got mine done.

We seriously have the best dentist!

West Point Dental is amazing.

Danielle, the hygenist, is amazing.

They are SO good with my boy.

 

Blue

My neuro docs recommended I get me some blue light glasses since I am staring at a computer screen nine hours a day...

I got me a four pack off Amazon Prime.

Now, my children believe that I am finally wearing the glasses that the eye doctor prescribed approximately 10 years ago.

I'll just let them think that.

 

Teachers Rock

There is a reason I am not a teacher.

Well, there are probably over a thousand reasons why I am not a teacher.

The immense stress and strain these human have been under always, but particularly over the past year is incredible.

I am grateful for them.

All of them, really.

Even the grumpy ones. 

Actually, they're kind of my people!

A few weeks ago, Colton sent me these pictures.

His "STAND" teacher, who is also an Art teacher, made a mug for every single one of her STAND students. 

So, "STAND" stands for something... I just don't know what it is.

It's a homeroom of sorts that the high school implemented this year.

The idea is to give these kids someone to go to when they are struggling.

This whole hybrid - in school - online - in school - online is HARD for kids.

Some kids only get food when they are AT school.

Some kids are only safe when they are AT school.

Some kids really struggle to get online courses done in a timely manner.

The homeroom idea is to help all kids to handle these circumstances better, and if they can't it at least gives the adults an idea into who is having a very difficult time and get them resources.

It's just one more thing for the teachers to stress about, but I feel that it's a great thing to have in place!

Colton was SO excited about his mug!

I am so excited for him to have it and to remember that there are such good, good people in the world!

 

I Can't Get Enough

When one is an addict (me), it causes strain in almost every aspect of one's life.

And, that is to be expected.

If someone tells me that they can't trust me, that is valid.

If someone tells me that I've hurt them, I don't get to tell them that I haven't.

It doesn't matter that my addiction is a process addiction, as opposed to a chemical addiction.

The consequences are the same.

It has been quite some time since my brother, Brandon, and I have had a good relationship.

However, recently he has been reaching out a lot and asking me if I'd like to spend time with my nephews.

I would be lying if I said that I am not brought to tears every single time.

His beautiful wife, Carrie, has always continued to try to make sure there is a bond between my nephews and I.

But to have Brandon doing it... it is one of the most tangibly amazing feelings in the world.

Earlier this week, he called to ask if I could help him on Sunday.

The answer will never be, "No."

FYI.

I cannot get enough of these babies.

I know they are toddlers now, but they'll always be babies to Auntie!

I am eternally grateful that Brandon trusts me with his boys.

 

Danielle

Colton is autistic.

That can be challenging in many ways; awesome in so many more.

Going to doctors of any kind is a LOT of work with this one.

Going to the dentist - fugetaboutit!

We found a dentist in West Point several years ago.

Dr. Robbins is a great dentist, don't get me wrong.

But, there we found Danielle.

His Dental Hygienist. 

Danielle began working on Colton about seven years ago.

Back then, Colton was HARD to get in the chair, to stay in the chair, to not run laps around the office collecting all the homemade chocolate chip cookies he could.

I would leave in tears most of the time... exhausted and feeling so badly for my child who tried so hard to live in a world that he is just not capable of seeing as the rest of us.

But, Danielle never waivered.

While she would clean and polish his teeth, he would hold EVERY SINGLE instrument in the office.

I'm not exaggerating. 

He would suction his own mouth and spray water in there whenever he felt like it.

She was so gentle and so willing to learn techniques from me to console him and distract him.

Still, it was never something I looked forward to.

With autism can come many sensory issues.

Brushing his teeth was tough.

The feeling of the brush in his mouth was more than he could handle.

Miraculously, he never had a cavity.

Until last year.

SIX cavities.

I was so willing to let those dang teeth fall out instead of filling six cavities.

But, Danielle and Dr. Robbins had a plan and begged me to trust them.

And I did.

They did it.

Six fillings in one visit and Colton was out!

It was time for our visit this week.

Wednesday, he and I headed to the dentist.

The only two questions he had were: do I have to have a poke? Will Danielle be there?

Danielle has semi-retired, but always comes in if Colton is coming.

She is incredible, you guys.

And on Wednesday, Colton didn't need to hold one instrument.

He sat still and just talked with her.

Calmly.

I stepped away from him to go get my teeth polished.

Danielle came over, just overwhelmed with emotion as she told me how much he has grown and how calm he seems now.

He didn't last long not knowing where I was and yelled out, "MOOOMMMM!" from across the office.

She went and got him and he sat in the corner and played on his phone.

He's got two little cavities.

And, Danielle will come in to be there when they are filled in a couple of weeks.

We will do the same meds as we did last time, and Danielle will be there to tap his heart beat and to hold his hand, just as she always has.

We are not expected to do our journeys alone.

But, isn't it so humbling that Heavenly Father never leaves any details out?

That HE knew that my Colton would need his Danielle?!

That I was able to do the single mom gig somehow... with the grace and help and support of so many!

 

Happy Stroke-a-versary

My B Beck sent this picture to me this week.

She said that she is so happy I am still here, three years later.

Me too, B Beck.

Me too.

I look at this picture and I have so much gratitude.

Gratitude for that green chair I am sitting in. 

That green chair is a reminder that I learned how to transfer from my bed to my wheelchair to a "normal" chair to sit in to color for my OT, and then back to the wheelchair and back to the bed all by myself.

Gratitude for my B Beck, who came to visit me when she could.

Gratitude for that left hand, L.A., who is not moving in this picture.

But she did. 

And when she did, she was a rockstar!

Gratitude for Randy who was there the whole time, and who learned to pull my hair back and out of my face...

Who took clothes to his house in Orem every Tuesday to launder and bring back clean...

Who cut up my food so I wouldn't choke..

Who created a holiday playlist that we listened to in between therapy sessions...

Who was the biggest cheerleader a girl could ever have.

Gratitude for this place of healing.

Miracles happened on this 12th floor, in room 1225.

At times, the Spirit was so strong, it would take my breath away.

Gratitude for the smile on my face.

Straight and symmetrical.

Genuine.

Gratitude for medical workers who are tireless in their attempt to heal people and their families.

Who give up so much of their lives to do so.

Who believe when the patients cannot believe for themselves.

Gratitude for the view from the 12th floor.

The snow I would watch fall.

The Christmas lights I could see decorating trees and houses.

The mountains that continue to make me feel so safe.

Gratitude for lessons that I could not have learned otherwise.

Gratitude that WE triumphed and I went home to my children.

Gratitude for a loving Heavenly Father who makes sure day in and day out we are surrounded by angels, seen and unseen.

Gratitude for a Savior who quite literally felt everything I did during this trying time.

Gratitude that I am well.

 

Just Call me GiGi

Jackson face-timed me yesterday to introduce my grand-kitten to me.

I told him that she shall call me GiGi.

Her name is Bella. 
She is four months old.

I don't even like cats, but this little girl is darling.

 But seriously...

I had just been telling the children that I didn't want to be called Grandma.

GiGi seems perfect. 

Happy Birthday, P

I can tell you about every single one of these pictures and giggle about it as I do.

I was so angry with him for being on the phone in this one. 

We were at a department Christmas party and I wanted him to be present!!

I loved that he never sat at the manager's table, or the "important" people's tables.

He always sat with his people.

Camille Cook, who used to work for the City sent me this picture.

They were in a very important budget meeting with City Council.

He was never above or below anyone, and never wanted anyone else to feel that they were not worthy of sitting in important meetings with "important" people.

I was not having it on this day.

That string of elastics he is putting together with that grin on his face...

Yeah, he'd been shooting those at me all day long.

What I would give to have him come in my office today.

Make a Difference Day.

I loved this day once a year.

He and I would go and assist our crews on this day.

Annnnnd, I got ice cream every single Make a Difference Day!

He loved his family with every ounce of his being.

He had begun talking about how he was positive he could never do life without his beautiful bride.

He had been preparing for something, although I'm positive he had no idea what...

This was the day they dropped their beautiful Kenzie off at the MTC as she left on her mission.

Happy birthday, P.

 

Heroes

Yesterday, I posted on social media about my Grandma Delilah Mae Asay Wasden Robb.

Grandma was born May 10, 1916.

Grandma was raised in a loving home, with lots of siblings.

Grandma was married to James O. Wasden.

Together, they had three children.

Phil, Marlene and Jim.

James was killed in a fire, leaving Grandma a very young widow with small children.

At the sugar factory, in Lovell, Wyoming, Grandma met Grandpa.

Soon, Walter Simmons Robb and Delilah Mae Asay Wasden were married.

Together, they raised Phil, Marlene, Jim, and added four more children to the family:

Rick, Georgia, MaryLou, and Dean (my dad).

The family lived on a large farm, in a very small home.

I remember this home, and the property, vividly.

The home had three VERY small bedrooms, one bathroom, a kitchen, and a front room.

There was a dinner bell set up outside of the front door.

Grandma used that bell to gather the family all the way up to the day they moved.

There were acres and acres to explore.

As children, we were never inside the home.

Instead, as soon as we woke up, Grandma would feed us, then hurry us outside to explore, discover, play, and be children.

Cowley, Wyoming was where my brothers and I spent many summers.

Grandma was a wonderful baker and cook.

She kept a tidy home, where the Spirit was always felt.

In the 90's, Grandma and Grandpa moved.

There was a home that met their needs, that didn't require a long, dirt road jaunt to get to the house. 

They no longer had to worry about the huge piece of property either.

They were still in Cowley, right where they wanted to be.

Grandma's ability to take care of the home and do the cooking deteriorated quickly.

Grandpa was also in poor health for many, many years.

However, Grandma's demeanor never changed.

She was pure love, the essence of dignity and charity up to the time she graduated from this life.

Grandma was beauty.

Her wrinkles and fine lines were stunning.

She loved to have her hair and her nails done and would tap her puffy hands on her recliner arms, and often glance down at her nails in gratitude and a bit of girlish joy.

Grandma never spoke an ill word about anyone.

Ever.

I mean, ever.

Grandma loves her family.

Eternally.

All of her family.

There was never a mention of "step" or "half" in our family.

We are just a family.

Grandma's faith in the Savior, and her ability to see only the good in this world was contagious.

I have been so blessed for the last 20 years to feel Grandma often.

I have had precious, sacred moments when I have seen her, heard her, and felt her.

She is never far from her family.

I am so grateful to have her as my grandma.

 

Junior and Senior, COVID Style

Colton is a Junior at Layton High School.

Kaydon is a Senior at Layton High School.

Covid has brought all kinds of changes.

We are all just rolling with the punches here.

The boys are in school, along with all kids with last names that start with the letters A-K, on Mondays and Wednesdays.

Kids with last names beginning with the letters L-Z are there Tuesdays and Thursdays.

The other three days of the week are done online.

They started yesterday.

Kids wear masks all day.

The hallways are one-way.

No lockers have been assigned.

No drinking fountains.

Desks are X'd out, or moved six feet apart.

All students now have a "homeroom." 
This is to allow them to have a teacher/mentor.

The idea of this is to make sure that students are being checked in with on their mental health, food needs, help with the hybrid schedule, etc.

Why weren't we doing this all along??

It's a new world.

There are new ways of doing everything.

And, it's all going to be okay!

 

My Little Adult

Meet the newest adult.

My Jackson.

21 years old.

You guys, I seriously don't know how that happened.

This boy is my first born.

He is funny, sensitive, self-aware, smart, hard-working, goal-oriented, loyal and handsome.

He has always been the very best big brother to his siblings.

And, the just the very best to his mama.

Jackson was a hard baby.

Colick for months and months and months.

It was so trying, and something I really thought he'd never grow out of.

He didn't sleep well.

He cried all the darn time.

Then, he just kind of grew out of it all.

He struggled a lot with several issues until he was about 10.

Then, he just showed how resilient he is.

Jackson has a strong testimony.

He loves the people of Chile who he served.

He has goals to go into psychology and work with people to help them.

I can't wait to see what he accomplishes!

Love you so big, Jacks.

 

Shooting

Yesterday morning, Michael and the four youngest awoke VERY early to head to the West Dessert.

They had a plan of shooting guns.

Kaydon had wanted to do this last week, before he goes back to school.

He and Colton had the BEST time.

The guns were a little too big for the littles.

Dang it.

I'm so grateful that the boys are able to do these fun activities that I never did with them!!

Eagle

Kaydon's Court of Honor was Saturday night.

It was perfect.

It was held in the Krum's backyard which is #goals!

There were three other boys getting their Eagle Scout Award as well.

When the program began, a man came out with the most beautiful Bald Eagle.

They were standing about five feet away from us.

It was spectacular.

When Liberty would flap her wings, she would fan us!

Did you know that eagles can see rabbits from three miles away??
I swear, whenever Liberty looked at me, she was staring through my soul!

She was amazing!

It just so happened that they also gave Jackson his missionary plaque.

These two, though!

Mike gave Kaydon a knife as a gift for getting his Eagle.

It was such a great night.

I am so proud of my KK!