What Is This?!

Guys!

Syracuse had the first snow storm of the winter yesterday!

On January 29th!!

It was actually really, really beautiful.

It has been such a strange winter... warm and sunny and great air quality throughout.

Once I got onto the main highway, my mountains and the sun waking up were so glorious to my soul!

 

Update

It's been almost two weeks since I started on a better regimen of hormones and supplements.

Weight: I've held steady at 10-pound weight gain. It's frustrating because my appetite is less and I'm moving my body every day. The belief is that it is from the progesterone and/or creatine. Both can cause water retention. I'm drinking double the amount of water, which my body LOVES. The hope is that my body will assimilate and the weight will come back off.

Cognitive Function: I have improved cognitive function. I am able to sustain long hours of multi-tasking, contract writing, meetings and minutes, etc. I am also able to stay awake (out of bed at least) for about two hours longer.

Sleep: No improvement. This is frustrating beyond words, but I am hoping that we will be able to find a way, with patience, to improve this.

Libido: Some improvement. Slow, gradual (very gradual and very slow). But there is improvement.

The hope is that within four to six weeks, I will feel like a "new person." Two weeks in, there are improvements and that makes me feel so hopeful.

I keep remembering my doctor telling me that I am not alone. Although I'm sad that other women are going through the same thing(s), I am grateful that I'm not nuts!

Also, my sweet B Beck just validates me and I'm SO thankful!

 

Grandma was Famous

Grandma Robb.

My favorite human being.

In the 90's, Grandma and Grandpa were in a serious car accident.

Both had significant health problems and it was decided that Grandma would be put into a facility to be cared for.

My dad and his siblings purchased Grandma a computer.

Computers were very new then... Internet was VERY new then.

The family taught Grandma how to work her computer.

They taught her how to email.

They taught her how to communicate in every way possible with the computer.

All of her kids and grandkids live hours away.

Grandma was a master emailer!

She ate it up!

She loved it.

Articles, like this one, were done for months.

I miss her.

I miss everything about her.

I feel her with me often.

I love her!

 

Hudson Time

Hudson and Gigi played and cleaned and peed in the big-boy potty on Saturday.

We ate fruit snacks, drank Gigi's electrolyte juice, and watch "Mouse!"

We played in the water, vacuumed and swept and mopped over and over again.

We colored.

And Hudson peed in the big boy potty FIVE times with NO accidents!!!!

He is getting so big!

He's such a smart two-year old.

He is counting and has his colors down.

He's funny and silly and so kind.

I love this boy so big!

Oh, yeah.

We also LOVE whipped cream!!

 

Matchy Matchy

Stella came home from Laramie's yesterday.

She always loves to show Mama her new pedicure.

We match!!!

Matchy matchy!

 

Porter is 19!

Porterman is 19 today.

In the last year, Porter:

Graduated from high school with honors

Got a job as a welder at Fine Line

Started his own small welding business

Had surgery to treat his crohns

Continued with his hobbies: guns, dirt bikes, small engines, and welding

Porterman lives at home with us.

He loves to be active, outdoors, doing all the things.

We love him so big!

 

Hormones

I've been a mess.

I cannot express that loud enough. 

A few things:

1. I started Estrogen patches a year ago due to hot flashes.

2. I'm still on (and always will be) on an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication.

Other:

1. I have zero, none, zilch, nada libido and it's so painful. (TMI, sorry-ish)

2. My cognitive fatigue is at a new level. I am in bed immediately when I get home from work (5:30), Monday through Friday. I am unable to sleep, but I cannot function.

3. I have been having very dark thoughts. I even asked Burke to change the code on the safe, which has all of our guns.

4. I just couldn't do it anymore.

Burke has been seeing a hormone specialist for several months.

He had asked me if I wanted to see him as well.

I was too scared.

With my medical history, I just didn't want to risk it.

Until a couple of weeks ago.

I was at the end of my rope.

I had a large blood screen done.

Then last Thursday, Burke and I went in and met with him.

Results:

1. My thyroid is a bit off, but not bad. No treatment right now.

2. My red blood cells are slightly misshaped. (heart issues, Friends)

3. My body has ZERO progesterone. NONE. NADA. ZILCH. That is a huge issue, especially for someone who has had a stroke and a double cardiac ablation.

4. My estrogen is a little lower than it should be since I'm on a patch.

5. My testosterone is low.

Treatments:

1. Progesterone!!!!! (daily)

2. Supplemental estrogen cream with testosterone (daily)

3. Vitamin B12 shot (twice a week)

4. Vitamin D3, DHEA, Fish Oil, CoQ10, Magnesium (nightly)

5. Creatine (daily)

I also continue on my anti-depressant & my estrogen patch.

It's been one week on all but the cream (it hasn't arrived yet).

1. I have more energy. My workouts are FAR more energized. I am not in bed until 7ish.

2. My cognitive fatigue is better. I feel a bit more clear. I am forming my sentences better. 

3. My digestive system is back to working SO well.

I have hope!!

 

Vanity Homework Station

Sometimes Ryker still attaches himself to me.

When I got home from work on Wednesday, he immediately started following me around the house as I took my shoes off, emptied the dishwasher, folded laundry, caught up with Burke...

I went to my room to get in my jammies and there he was!

I wouldn't change it for anything, by the way.

I turned around and saw him doing his homework at my vanity table.

Sweet boy.

Apparently it makes a perfect desk, too!

 

Hendrix Visits Papa

Rian and Tyler's car has had some issues, so visits to Papa's work it is!

Rian has been driving up after taking Aria to school in the mornings.

That means HENI time!!

Hendrix is SO busy.

Ri tried to come up to see me twice, but things at work are a bit cray cray at Gigi's work right now.

So Papa sent me pictures.

I love this boy!

His smile melts hearts!

Love, love, love this baby!

Uncle Cooper has been sending me sunsets this week, too.

Coop works at the dealership as well.

He's a lot tech.

I think Burke LOVES having that extra time with Coop.

I love the sunsets pics!

 

Hudson Time

 Sweet Squish loves cleaning and loves water!

I had him all day Saturday.

We vacuumed, did laundry, made beds, swept, and did dishes!

He’s the sweetest!

Oh, Hendrix!!

 This video brings this Gigi joy!!!

Hendrix REALLY wanted Gigi!

Rock

Dearest Burkeeeee,

First, I don't ever call you "Burke" or "Burkeee."

I do giggle when I hear others call you "Burkeeee," though.

Anywho, you're my rock.

I've been not doing well lately.

I've been struggling with dark thoughts, extreme physical and cognitive fatigue, mood swings that are confusing, and more.

All the things!

You are just steady.

Yesterday, you took me to lunch.

It was yummy.

Kneaders is almost always yummy.

We laughed about my weird eating habits (only the middle of cinnamon rolls, only the parts of chocolate chip cookies that actually have the chocolate chunks, NEVER sharing my food but expecting everyone else to share with me!)

Then you took me to get my blood work done.

I was brave.

You were a comedian.

We went home, said hello to the kids, then went and got pedicures and my nails fixed.

Those girls LOVE you.

They LOVE when Burkeeeee comes to get his pedicure.

They have the biggest crushes on you.

We went home.

You took care of dinner.

And winked at me.

I went to bed.

And slept well for the first time in a long time.

I love you.

 

Just Right

I am lucky to have people in my life who fully support tolerate my eating behaviors.

For instance: 

I only like the middle of cinnamon rolls.

That leaves a lot of cinnamon roll left.

Yesterday, Victoria (my assistant) kindly ate the rest of it.

Other examples:

Heidi does not eat sharp-edged French fries.

Therefore, those around me are always eager to patiently go through their pile and hand me the "safe" fries.

That's true love!

Also, I saw this yesterday.

And I love it.

So I'm leaving it right here.

 

Making It Happen

I started the new year off by taking my mom to breakfast.

My relationship with my mom is one of the relationships that I want to put a lot of efforts into this year.

It's about meeting where we are at today.

We can't go back.

I believe we can be present, though.

I caught this sunrise as I drove to Sandy.

It brought me so much peace that this is the right thing!

After breakfast, Burke and I organized our two pantries and our garbage closet.

This is another effort that I am putting a lot of time into this year: making our home clean and organized!

These after pictures made me SO happy!!

I should have taken before pictures...

But alas, I didn't.

Mia sent me these two pictures.

Hudson was "grocery shopping" then putting his "groceries" away!

I got play time with Huds on Saturday.

He is so smart.

He LOVES the broom that Papa found in the garbage closet.

The real stuff was way better, though!

My mom made this turtle.

It has lots of baby turtles in side.

He loved opening the button, taking the babies out, counting them, then putting them back in.

It's the cutest little activity for the babies!!