I can do HARD things

Sunday was a hard day for me. As the quorum and I sat in Sacrament Meeting, we listened to a perfect family give wonderful talks. They are beautiful and they talked about how the other was beautiful and kind and wonderful. I wondered for a moment what that must be like. Colton cried during most of Sacrament Meeting. No one knew why. We all asked each other why he was crying, but no one knew... not even him. That broke my heart. At the end of the meeting, the bishop stood up and announced that the Stake President had asked him to read the Proclamation of the Family. I did not like this idea right off the bat. He prefaced it by saying that the he was asked to read it in light of the Supreme Court rulings the week prior regarding gay marriage. As many of you know, my brother is gay. He is perfect. His partner, my brother-in-law is also perfect. They have never asked for the "right" to be married by law. They have defined themselves as a family, regardless of what the law states. I know what the Gospel states in word. I believe in the Gospel. I also believe that we are all children of God and that He loves us all the same and that He wants us to be happy. My brother and my brother-in-law are happy and are two of the finest people I have ever known. Now that I've gone off on a bit of a tangent... back to the reading of the Proclamation. As the bishop read the words that were on the paper, I became a bit, shall we say, emotional... upset... angry... bitter... Yep, I was in the perfect mood to be in church! As he read it, I could only think to myself that this thing doesn't pertain to my children and I at all. Where is the single mother proclamation? Where is the proclamation for families that aren't perfect? I sobbed. The remainder of Sacrament I sobbed. It was awesome. When I say "awesome" I really mean that it was not awesome at all. After church I went home, made dinner and then watched the Hallmark Channel for four hours. I continued to cry. It was almost like I was punishing myself by watching mushy movies. Yesterday morning, I continued to be super emotional. I took my box of tissue from my office, walked into my boss's office, shut his door and cried. It was classic! You have to understand that my boss is a good man. He is in the bishopric in his ward. He is very in tune and aware and has a different perspective. I told him how I felt about the proclamation and how it doesn't pertain to me and my kids, about how my kids have the right to have a father and a mother, about how we don't have a father who supports his family in love and righteousness and I am not a mother who stays home and nurtures my children and makes a house a home, about how my kids don't have the example of parents who love each other and work together... it went on and on. Poor guy. Then he read the proclamation to me again, at least parts of it. He explained that it absolutely pertains to me and my kids. He told me that Heavenly Father is aware of our situation and that He provides for my boys what they don't have when it comes to the home. He told me that Heavenly Father has blessed my boys with characteristics to help them. He makes up the difference. I felt so much better. ****** Last night, the boys and I were watching Josh play softball. Jackson told me that he was on the computer and some naked pictures of girls came up. He told me that he immediately called his scout leader and told him about it and asked him how to get rid of it. Then he followed his instructions. He told me that he was really worried because Braxton was in there and saw it too. He told me that he had a talk with Braxton about how bad those images are. He told me that it was horrible and left a horrible feeling in him. What 13, almost 14, year old calls his scout leader to figure out how to get pornography off of the computer??? And then sits down and has a talk with his 11, almost 12, year old brother about it??? ******** Colton is struggling a great deal. He is emotional and is having angry outbursts. He is "out of control" as some might describe it. He has his moments of being calm and happy and occupied, but then he will turn and be angry and emotional and will throw fits. As I mentioned before, Sacrament Meeting was a good place for that on Sunday. Saturday night, he did it at the Blaze game. Josh took him out at the Blaze game and then spent the rest of the game at the top of the arena with him so that the other boys and I could enjoy the game. Josh is very patient with him and talks to him about what is going on. I don't tend to be as patient. I try to get him to stop acting out and I try to get him to calm down. Josh just talks to him. We will begin seeing his therapist again in a few weeks. I hope we can establish some good techniques with him before he starts school ****** I We can do hard things.