Wildly Imperfect

Thoughts from my week:

Preface:
I really do pretty well to not live in the past, as of two years ago.

However, I also like to take some inventory on what I am doing like a boss, what I can improve on, and what needs to be dropped in the Jesus Box (or which balloons need to be let go of).

Now:

This.

I have told several people that I never EVER want to meet Isaiah.

And, I mean that literally.

But, I do want to meet Max Lucado.

He's my person.

And Brene Brown.

She's uber rad also.

Now, my thoughts from this week:

1. I NEED my friends who are actually my family.

I need them. And, I'm in constant awe of the friends that God has bestowed upon me.

I need my T Time once a month.

I need my daily "talks" with Becky Beck and Miss Birdie.

Truly.

I need my little Messenger group with my sisters.

Oh, how I love them.

2. I am satisfied with the outcome of a very, unbelievably difficult trial that my little family has been enduring for the past couple of weeks.

I am grateful for those who choose to protect us.

I am thankful for their time and their integrity.

I am thankful that this is "over."

3. When in the midst of the hardest things that my children and I go through, I am a boss.

I am the master of holding it all together whilst my children are hospitalized or whilst going through a stroke recovery or whilst enduring divorce and moving and loss.

You want me on your team during these times.

But, right after I can take a breath - ditch me!

Seriously, call a time out and send me to the sidelines.

Because that is when I drop.

That is when my brain and my body are putting up the white flag and calling for mercy.

I have become better at recognizing this and allowing my senses rest.

I am proud of myself for this.

4. I have learned over the past year that living in gratitude and abundance (my true self) makes EVERYthing different. No, we are not living in actual abundance. BUT, when in my mind I am living in abundance, my life is different. God is able to put things/people/trials/opportunities in my hands and take them back out all the while me trusting Him. Living in this manner creates far less panic. When we are in the flow, and living in trust of Him, we are able to be who we are meant to be.

5. Emotions are healthy. They are safe. They are okay. 

Lean into them, then wish them a lovely farewell.

I learned this very week, as I stated yesterday, that God WILL allow the hardest of hard because He knows we need it in order to progress.

Trust me, the bottom of the human ravine is not going to go away.

It sucks down there.

I've been more than my hands have fingers to count.

But, that doesn't mean I live down there.

Each time, with the help of the aforementioned friends, I have come back to the surface.

That's called grace.

6. I am struggling a great deal with my weight.

It just keeps going up.

Why?
Welp, I eat like crap... I mean, it's GOOD food, but not good for me.

AND, I am not going to the gym more than twice a week.

Why?

I don't feel worthy to be there!

It's been this way since the divorce.

I'm stuck somewhere, and I'm not quite sure where.

I am aware of this.

GI Joe would tell me that "knowing is half the battle."

I have not yet come up with a good enough plan to fix it.

And this is why taking a weekly inventory is good for me.

This is something I know I need to work on.

And I will.

I will.