Strength

Because I suddenly find it necessary to defend everything about myself and everything I do...

AND because this is my journal, I shall do it here.

My body is getting stronger every single day.

I am strongest physically and mentally in the mornings.

Therefore, I go to the gym at 5 am on weekdays.

I go as soon as I'm up and moving on Saturdays.

And, yes I do go on Sundays because there are about 10 people there and I am able to walk for long periods of time, do Yoga in a quiet training room and lay in a massage chair.

I workout because it clears my mind.

It allows me to connect with my body.

It makes me feel good.

I can.

I also go to bed between 6 and 6:30 pm every night.

Every night.

Yup, a real party animal.

A real dating-around kinda girl!

In bed after I make my kids dinner, make sure the dishwasher has been run, make sure my kids have what they need (including conversation with their mom), make sure the dog has food and water, make sure the trash is empty, make sure I have clean clothes for the next day...

I read my scriptures, I say prayer and I turn on my guided meditation at 6 pm every night and then I go to sleep. In my own bed. In my own home. With my children.

I schedule my social media posts for my TWO businesses that I own on Sunday evenings for the entire next week. I also schedule out my blog posts.

In other words, these things are not done while I am at my full-time job.

I pick up orders of CBD on my way home from work, prior to making my children dinner and doing everything I listed above.

I go to all of my children's appointments for school, medical, dental, etc. Why? Because I am a damn single parent, People. Unfortunately for me, these offices tend to only be open during "business hours." That means I miss work. Why? Because I am a single parent doing this by myself.

I had a stroke 15 months ago.

I have post-stroke days where my cognitive fatigue is at a high. 

I have to go home on these days to close my eyes and sleep.

These moments almost always happen halfway through the day when my brain is tired and my body follows.

If I could help this, I WOULD.

IT'S MISERABLE and SCARY and FRUSTRATING.

If I could go back to being exactly how I was mentally before my stroke, I would.