Not There

Last night, I was at the gym.

I hadn't been since Sunday.

I felt too weak on Monday and Tuesday.

That is a new normal.

Feeling too weak to go to the gym... so weak that I'm actually afraid to go to the gym and have something happen.

I was there last night.

I got on the treadmill.

C and Mike were right in front of me for most of the walk.

Just annoying me! :)

I walked 45 minutes - burned 600 calories.

Then I went to the weights.

It was chest and shoulders day.

Prior to the two big post-stroke episodes last month, I was lifting strong.

I was lifting better.

I was lifting very controlled.

I was able to push myself.

I was doing 18 sets of 20 reps a day.

Then, I lost it.

Last night, I started on chest and shoulders and just felt weak.

My body didn't want to do it.

I started to tear up on the third set.

Then, I stopped myself.

I told myself that it's going to take time.

A lot of freaking time.

It's going to take patience.

It's going to take me being gentle with myself.

I'm never going to be a body builder.

It's just not in the cards for me.

But, I'm there.

I'm stretching and I'm walking and on good days, I'm still lifting.

Even if it isn't as much or as many or heavy.

I'm there.