In My Feels

I've sent two of my boys off on missions, with the expectation that they'd be on a different continent from me for two years.

I knew I'd be able to talk to them weekly.

I knew that these were their choices, something they really wanted to do and were prepared to do.

It crushed me.

Each time.

Not because I didn't want them to have the opportunity.

Not because I didn't want them to have the experiences.

Rather, because it had always been them and me.

Me and them

Team of five.

Part of me was leaving.

But I knew they'd be home in two years.

Kaydon is moving back to the Dominican Republic in just over a week.

I've known this was coming since he returned from his mission three years ago.

He is in love and is getting married.

On a different continent from me.

With no return flight back home.

And I am in my feels.

As mamas, we are supposed to raise our kids to be able to spread their wings and fly.

My big boys are independent, strong, smart, loving, driven, and hardworking.

They are fantastic husbands.

They are incredible fathers.

They have grown wings and they are flying.

But, man this hurts.

I think that my feelings are all over the place.

I also think that I have been suppressing these feelings for three years and now that it's here, I'm sad.

Sad to see him go so far away.

SO FAR AWAY.

He says they're coming back in a couple of years...

But without a return flight, it feels very forever-like.

I'm so proud of him.

I love him so big.

I know this is what he wants and what he's been working so hard for.

I'm just in my feels.