Brotherhood

Football is beginning to be hard. For Jackson. And for Mom. Last night was the first night that they put pads on. They tackled last night. They pretty much beat each other up last night. Tough. It's Jackson's first year playing. Every other kid out there has been playing for 5 - 7 years. Jackson is learning. Jackson is trying so hard. But, last night sucked. Within the first ten minutes of practice, the coach got in his face and just started screaming at him. I sat quietly in my chair and watched. Jackson didn't say anything, he just kept battling. Then, they did a drill where one kid had to run through the rest of the team. Jackson went up against kids that weigh 100 pounds more than him. I sat in my chair and cried as I watched him just get pummeled. When they broke for water, I walked out onto the field right to my son. I didn't care if that "wasn't the right thing to do." I put my hand on his helmet and my face right into his face mask. I talked through tears as I told him how proud I was of him... how he was doing everything right by not giving up, by doing what was asked of him. He was sobbing. Just crying so hard. I walked back to my chair and sat down, not caring what anyone thought. Then, a coach walked over to him and reminded him that he had never played before and he just went up against the biggest, most experienced kids out there. Then, a guy from our neighborhood, who Jackson loves, walked over to the practice and just sat with him, talking to him, listening to him and then walked him back over to the drills and stood with him for a while. When we got home, his tears flowed non-stop. Braxton walked over and pulled his cleats off gently, then undid his belt for him and pulled his pads off of him. Then, he got him some clean clothes to change into, set up some pillows for him, made him some mac and cheese, got him some ice packs and made sure he was comfortable. I cried with Jackson. Sweet, sweet Braxton being the brother that every brother should be. I was so proud. Jackson cried himself to sleep on the couch, and I slept right next to him. Tonight is another practice, then tomorrow, then Saturday... A few things I know for sure: Jackson will struggle, but he won't give up; I will love him through every step of it; His brothers will ALWAYS, ALWAYS be by his side and carry him when he feels he can no longer walk.

My Job

Yesterday, our Division had an open house. We have acquired two new areas under our Division, which is about 85 more people that we (Ryan and I) are responsible for. It's been a really tough, chaotic month or so since we found out. Ryan is the best boss I could ever ask for. He is a man of integrity, class and dignity. He said the nicest things about me at the open house yesterday. He made me cry. I am grateful for my job. I am grateful that I work full-time in order to support my kids and I. I am grateful for the people I work with and the work that I do. I obviously wish that I was a full-time mom, at home with my children. But, for me that is not an option. I believe that the work I do outside of my home matters. I am grateful for that. At the end of the open house, Ryan, me and our full-time staff members got our photos taken. They will be displayed on the College website. Mine is below. I am posting it so that I can remember this time in my life. It is a time that is HARD. Full time mom, full time administrative assistant, full time daughter of God. It is important. It is worth it. It is all good.

Olympic Opening Ceremonies

I used to be such the party girl! I would celebrate everything with my boys. Since I started working full time, it's gone down the drain in a big way! I just don't have the energy anymore. I knew that I needed to do something to celebrate the opening ceremonies of the Olympics on Friday. It wasn't great, but we did have pizza and cupcakes, ice cream and blow horns. The kids even got to color their hair green... only because they didn't have blue or red. I LOVE watching the Olympics, especially the summer Olympics. GO USA!

Safety First!

For about five years, now, I have been BEGGING for a taser! Begging. Like, begging random people for tasers! So what?! Safety first! Well, I have an uncle. He is my favorite uncle. He is also my kids' favorite uncle. He is Uncle Victor. He is pretty much perfect! He is a prison guard head honcho in California. He is all about Safety First! He got me a birthday gift!!! (Picture me singing in my best soprano voice) He got me PEPPER SPRAY! AND it's PINK!!!! (Picture me doing the hokey pokey all by myself in my office right now) I put it on my key chain and I am ready to conquer the world! I dare someone to come up on me! Oh! They are going DOWN!!! (I think Josh might be a little bit worried ;))

My Testimony

This past week was very, very difficult for me. Only a very few people know the reasons why, and I'd like to keep it that way, as it's somewhat private, but it was a tough week. My emotions were not in check, and I felt a deep, physical pain. I cried most days, almost uncontrollably. I would close my office door and just cry. Then, I would open the door and get hugs from the people I work with. I would go home and just cry and cry. And then, I would notice that my mom had done ALL of our laundry, or had gone to Costco to buy fruit and toilet paper. I would be up all night, just crying, and then notice that KK was sleeping right next to me. I have a testimony. As I prayed my guts out this week, I had the most amazing miracles take place. Miss Birdie. Oh, Miss Birdie. She has really been through it with me! And, she still loves me. I messaged her early in the week and told her that I wasn't doing so well. She never left my side, emotionally. She checked up on me, told me that I was stronger than I thought I was and that she loved me. B Beck. Did you know that eight weeks ago, she buried her eighth child? Her sweet Baby Kevin returned to Heaven eight weeks ago. This woman text me on Saturday, said that she had been thinking about me and specifically asked me if a certain thing was okay (the exact thing that wasn't okay). Then, she told me that she had put my name on the temple rolls. I told her I felt so guilty that my trial was nothing compared to hers, and yet I was a mess. She said, "NEVER compare trials. We all have hard things." My dad gave me a blessing last night. It was detailed, lovely, articulate, amazing. I KNOW that there is a Heavenly Father. We are all His. He knows us. He really knows us. He knows our names. He knows who He can count on, here on Earth, to bless us. He knows what we need, and what we don't need. He hears my prayers, and then He answers them. I know the Priesthood is real. And, it's such a blessing. I know that tithing is such a great gift. We are blessed to be able to pay it, and then to know that our Father is bound to bless us when we do. I know that He loves me. I know that He even likes me sometimes!! I wrote often in my journal this weekend. I also read through past entries and underlined some things because they have such meaning right now. One of the quotes is: "Life's activities lose their significance when times of crisis arise. When loved ones are hurt or injured, when sickness enters the house of good health, when life's candle dims and darkness threatens. Our thoughts become focused." And... "In our times of deepest reflection or greatest need, the soul of man reaches heavenward, seeking a divine response to life's greatest questions." I am so grateful for my testimony. This weekend, my cousin, Jared, was visiting from California. My boys LOVED having him here. And, I did too. He was amazing with my boys!

Popsicles with Grandma

Last night, the boys and I went over to Papa and Grandma's house. This mama needed a blessing! Badly! So, while Papa laid his hands on my head, Grandma and the quorum had some cold treats out on the deck. They loved it! When I went out to herd them all in, they were talking about their Tower of Terror experience in Disneyland. I love that they still talk about their memories of that fun trip!

Slip Slidin' Away

I got the kids a slip 'n slide. I had one when I was young and I totally remember it! They had a blast on it last night and when I called them at 8:30 this morning and asked them what they were doing, they said, "Just enjoying our slip 'n slide!" SO FUN!