Why Do I Do What I do?!

A woman's girdle is (was?) a torture device undergarment designed to reduce the apparent size of the waist and hips. This is the definition of a girdle as found on some Google sight. And it's perfect. So let's get personal, shall we? I have cellulite people. A lot of cellulite. It's actually a big problem. All summer I wear skirts and dresses. Anything maxi is what I wear. Even with a slip, that lovely cellulite shows its awful ripples through the skirts and dresses. When I walk by a window and see my dimpled skin through my skirt and slip I want to barf. If I want to barf, I'm pretty sure everyone else does too. So, I went to the store. I bought a torture device as described above. It's supposed to suck in all of the dimples and make it look like it doesn't even exist. First of all, it took me about 45 1/2 minutes to put the thing on. Second, every time I go to the restroom AT WORK it takes me a good 49.375 minutes just to pull the thing down and then back up again. Forget about breathing! You take small, shallow breaths. The good news-- I will never get a blood clot because it's like wearing those pressure stockings from my boobs to my knees and every where in between! We are talking no room for error here people! Oh, and don't even get me started on sweating. It was like 95 degrees yesterday and I'm wearing this device walking around campus. Even my elbows were sweating. So, besides not being able to take full breaths, feeling like a was living in a suction device times 1,000, holding my pee until I about wet myself because of the time it takes to pull this thing on and off, it was a great day in my new device!