Shadows

So much of me just wants to unload about all of the really, really hard things happening in our lives right now. Why? Because they're hard! And hard is hard! Damnit!!

I literally did not get out of bed for 36 hours. The boys fed me. They brought me medications. They adjusted my position and blankets. They rubbed my neck. They ate the food that our ward dropped off. I laid there, unable to get my body to work for my brain. Exhaustion. Drastic increase in cognitive fatigue. Decline in cognitive function. After just one week of full-time work.

This morning, I got up and got ready. I put one foot in front of the other. I did today, not really wanting to do today. I did it anyways.

I went for a walk. I was reminded by my shadow that I am upright, walking, talking, eating, wiping my own ass. I am doing the best I can possibly do and it's enough. Maybe not for everyone.. maybe not for those within my employment who feel I am not doing enough. But, it's enough for me.

So, let's all keep going. Let's all keep searching for our shadows. Let's all keep smiling and loving and waving our middle fingers at the world that wants to be cruel and judgemental and difficult. Let's do us.