Just look at them.
Monday, March 7, 2016
Our Trial and Triumph - MY Family
Can you even stand the cuteness?!?! I mean, really. Can you?! Because I can't. These boys of mine are so handsome, so stalwart, so courageous, so brave, so creative, so smart, so funny, so caring, and so mine. All mine.
Just look at them.
Just look at them.
Sunday, March 6, 2016
Our Trials and Triumph - Fight On
Miss Sarah sent me a package and I got it yesterday. It had a book in it, "Fight On." It is amazing. Complete awesome-sauce. I read it and re-read it! You should too. Seriously, I want to shout these words from the roof top for everyone to hear.
The first page: "You are doing it!"
Another: "You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to let go. You are allowed to protect yourself. You are allowed to enjoy yourself. You are allowed to put yourself first."
"If you knew how capable you are, you'd stop worrying and start amazing yourself!"
"Do not give your time to the things that drain you, the thoughts that bring you down, or the people who break your heart. Make room for GOOD things to begin!"
"Just because your miracle doesn't look like the miracle you were expecting, that doesn't mean it isn't the one you've been waiting for."
"You do not need anyone to light up your life. There is great joy in discovering that you can do that for yourself."
"Yes, there is pain. There is beauty too. Keep your heart open."
"YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER. Your heart and soul have been telling it to you all along."
"There is nothing wrong with starting again."
"If you knew how capable you are, you'd stop worrying and start amazing yourself!"
"Do not give your time to the things that drain you, the thoughts that bring you down, or the people who break your heart. Make room for GOOD things to begin!"
"Just because your miracle doesn't look like the miracle you were expecting, that doesn't mean it isn't the one you've been waiting for."
"You do not need anyone to light up your life. There is great joy in discovering that you can do that for yourself."
"Yes, there is pain. There is beauty too. Keep your heart open."
"YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER. Your heart and soul have been telling it to you all along."
"There is nothing wrong with starting again."
Saturday, March 5, 2016
Our Trial and Triumph - Week Full of Blessings
It really is true that when you begin to count your blessings, they are too numerous to contain. They are every where. They just need to be looked for, recognized, and thanks given for them.
1. Book from Sarah (look for tomorrow's post)
2. My amazing, awesome, comforting co-workers. My boss told me that when I begin dating again, the guys will have to come to the office where they will be greeted by 79 men who will interview them and threaten them with their lives. He wasn't kidding. I am blessed beyond words.
3. Mom and Pops paying off a medical bill I've been paying on for four years.
4. Kaydon's comment: "You're doing good, Mom. I'm so proud of you."
5. My ability to pay my bills this week.
6. My pedicure. Awwwwww.
7. Logan's phone call.
8. My new crocodile tooth necklace from Sweet Jude. It's beautiful and it's meaning is amazing.
9. Laughter!!!!!
10. Sunshine and warmth. It's about time to get my camping chair out for my lunch breaks again!
11. Sayings like the one above that are sent to me daily. Articles, pictures, talks... all of which bring me comfort and remind me that I am DOING this right now. Every day. We are DOING.
12. Music
13. Gus Gus
14. Our ability to do service
15. Becky's texts
16. Karly's talk in church last Sunday.
17. Hannah's piano solo in church last Sunday. I could listen to that girl everyday.
18. Heidi's phone calls.
19. Natalie, Katherine, and Heidi picking up Colton and taking him home everyday.
20. Love - the real kind of love. The love that has integrity and doesn't hurt. The love that is there simply because we are all ALWAYS worth it.
1. Book from Sarah (look for tomorrow's post)
2. My amazing, awesome, comforting co-workers. My boss told me that when I begin dating again, the guys will have to come to the office where they will be greeted by 79 men who will interview them and threaten them with their lives. He wasn't kidding. I am blessed beyond words.
3. Mom and Pops paying off a medical bill I've been paying on for four years.
4. Kaydon's comment: "You're doing good, Mom. I'm so proud of you."
5. My ability to pay my bills this week.
6. My pedicure. Awwwwww.
7. Logan's phone call.
8. My new crocodile tooth necklace from Sweet Jude. It's beautiful and it's meaning is amazing.
9. Laughter!!!!!
10. Sunshine and warmth. It's about time to get my camping chair out for my lunch breaks again!
12. Music
13. Gus Gus
14. Our ability to do service
15. Becky's texts
16. Karly's talk in church last Sunday.
17. Hannah's piano solo in church last Sunday. I could listen to that girl everyday.
18. Heidi's phone calls.
19. Natalie, Katherine, and Heidi picking up Colton and taking him home everyday.
20. Love - the real kind of love. The love that has integrity and doesn't hurt. The love that is there simply because we are all ALWAYS worth it.
Friday, March 4, 2016
Our Trial and Triumph - Let Them Be Boys
Yesterday I got home and found windows open and no one in the house. I could hear boys being boys in the back yard, so I went to check it out. Two of my boys were shooting their bows and arrows. One of my boys, and my adopted boy (Block Head, were a couple of doors down shooting bb guns. It made me smile. It brought so much joy to my heart. They were being boys. I love letting them be boys. I love when they pretend and imagine and do things that make them happy out in nature. I love that we live where we do so that they can do that. I feel so blessed!
Thursday, March 3, 2016
Our Trial and Triumph - The Process
Grief is such a process. Wouldn't you agree? Yikes! Exhausting to say the least! I have been very, very blessed over the past several weeks in that I have not had any anger or hatred or frustration. I have been hurt and sad beyond words. My heart has been crushed. But no anger. That is until yesterday. Then - boom! I was PISSED! (That is such an ugly word, I know. But it's the only one to describe how I felt) I was loud and I was feisty. My sweet boss, who might need to be put on medication, felt like he was picking up the aftermath of my every step because EVERYONE knew where Heidi was all day. I was leaving a path of sassy-pants!
I have this great white flag that I throw out. It's called writing. When I feel like my emotions are about to boil over, I write. I write every single thought, every single word that is in my head down. I had a moment of that yesterday. I wrote everything that I was feeling, then I SENT IT to Josh. I usually don't send what I write, because let's face it - it's usually not very sweet. But I totally sent it. That's the second one I've sent him in a week. He handled it like a pro. I felt better, too.
It's funny - grief is. It's like one minute I feel like I'm doing great and I'm well on my way to bliss, and the next minute I'm a pile of tears in my office and I can't pull myself together to save my life. I suppose it's there to remind me that I've gone through hard things and that I'm still going through hard things and to be patient with myself. It also reminds me that I've done this. I have put one foot in front of the other for weeks now and I'm still here. I absolutely love the saying below. We ARE battle scarred. But we have hope. And that's all I can dream of right now!
I have this great white flag that I throw out. It's called writing. When I feel like my emotions are about to boil over, I write. I write every single thought, every single word that is in my head down. I had a moment of that yesterday. I wrote everything that I was feeling, then I SENT IT to Josh. I usually don't send what I write, because let's face it - it's usually not very sweet. But I totally sent it. That's the second one I've sent him in a week. He handled it like a pro. I felt better, too.
It's funny - grief is. It's like one minute I feel like I'm doing great and I'm well on my way to bliss, and the next minute I'm a pile of tears in my office and I can't pull myself together to save my life. I suppose it's there to remind me that I've gone through hard things and that I'm still going through hard things and to be patient with myself. It also reminds me that I've done this. I have put one foot in front of the other for weeks now and I'm still here. I absolutely love the saying below. We ARE battle scarred. But we have hope. And that's all I can dream of right now!
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
Our Trial and Triumph - Angels in Action
It's time to start posting about our angels in action. There are SO many! So, they will be in no particular order. That is code for "Don't get offended!"
Thursday, before Braxton had surgery, I asked both sets of my parents, Brandon and Carrie to be in our home. I also had Logan and Skip on speaker phone. It was super important to me that my boys and I were surrounded by the people who love us most while I told my boys that Josh would be moving out. (This was a week before we found out the entire truth from Josh) My family was there. They drove to our house and were on speaker phone as I read the words I had written for my four babies. As I read to them the thoughts of my heart, they sobbed. Every one of them was held by someone as tears streamed. As they shook and cried uncontrollably, they were held and comforted by their uncle and aunt and grandparents. Afterwards, Papa gave each of us a blessing with Uncle Brandon and Pops standing in the circle. It was a powerful and spiritual night.
Friday as Braxton was taken into emergency surgery, Uncle Brandon went home and packed bags for me and the boys. He brought the boys to the hospital. Papa was at the hospital as well. Brandon took care of my children Friday, Saturday, and Sunday while I was with Braxton. Nana helped with the kids Saturday. Papa and Grandma were at the hospital with me. Pops and Nana came and visited at the hospital. Nana cleaned my house. Brandon stocked the shelves with fruit and vegetables. Carrie brought me a care package for Valentines Day from she and my brothers.
Logan and Skip have sent money and clothes for my boys. Brandon has offered the boys to spend time with him whenever they need. Carrie brought me some food at work last week. Nana and Pops are paying off a medical bill that I've been paying on for four years. My boys and I receive texts, emails, and phone calls constantly from our family. We have indeed been blessed by an unconditionally loving family. My boys and I know that we are loved and supported and prayed for.
Thursday, before Braxton had surgery, I asked both sets of my parents, Brandon and Carrie to be in our home. I also had Logan and Skip on speaker phone. It was super important to me that my boys and I were surrounded by the people who love us most while I told my boys that Josh would be moving out. (This was a week before we found out the entire truth from Josh) My family was there. They drove to our house and were on speaker phone as I read the words I had written for my four babies. As I read to them the thoughts of my heart, they sobbed. Every one of them was held by someone as tears streamed. As they shook and cried uncontrollably, they were held and comforted by their uncle and aunt and grandparents. Afterwards, Papa gave each of us a blessing with Uncle Brandon and Pops standing in the circle. It was a powerful and spiritual night.
Friday as Braxton was taken into emergency surgery, Uncle Brandon went home and packed bags for me and the boys. He brought the boys to the hospital. Papa was at the hospital as well. Brandon took care of my children Friday, Saturday, and Sunday while I was with Braxton. Nana helped with the kids Saturday. Papa and Grandma were at the hospital with me. Pops and Nana came and visited at the hospital. Nana cleaned my house. Brandon stocked the shelves with fruit and vegetables. Carrie brought me a care package for Valentines Day from she and my brothers.
Logan and Skip have sent money and clothes for my boys. Brandon has offered the boys to spend time with him whenever they need. Carrie brought me some food at work last week. Nana and Pops are paying off a medical bill that I've been paying on for four years. My boys and I receive texts, emails, and phone calls constantly from our family. We have indeed been blessed by an unconditionally loving family. My boys and I know that we are loved and supported and prayed for.
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
Our Trial and Triumph - Service
Over the past week, I have been researching volunteer opportunities for the boys and I. I came across the Family Connection Center. I emailed them and told them that we don't have much time to donate between school, my work and Jackson's work, but that we want to do something. They asked that we put together toys or craft kits for the kids who are there. Perfect!
Except that last night was a nightmare. My boys were out of control. I'm pretty sure no one heard any of the scriptures! They were fighting over touching each other's feet, who farted and why, who took whose soda... It went on and on. Right after dinner, we loaded in the car and went to the Dollar Store to get supplies. I seriously wanted to tie them up and duct tape their mouths, but I resisted. UGH!
When we got home, I took everything out and organized the boys into groups. They loaded their craft bags. We ended up with 32 craft kits to donate. We will take the box this week.
This morning, when we knelt for family prayer, Kaydon said to me, "Mom, you're doing great. I'm really proud of you. I tell everyone at school that I have the best mom." Thanks KK. We are all doing just fine.
Except that last night was a nightmare. My boys were out of control. I'm pretty sure no one heard any of the scriptures! They were fighting over touching each other's feet, who farted and why, who took whose soda... It went on and on. Right after dinner, we loaded in the car and went to the Dollar Store to get supplies. I seriously wanted to tie them up and duct tape their mouths, but I resisted. UGH!
When we got home, I took everything out and organized the boys into groups. They loaded their craft bags. We ended up with 32 craft kits to donate. We will take the box this week.
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