Round I Don't Know How Many

I woke up to this.

I knew it was P reminding me that he'd be close.

Today was softball and bbq day!

This is how it all started.

Mr. Watkins, Beyta, and I head to Sam's Club to get the food for 200 people.

Mr. W has one cart.

Beyta has the other.

I have the receipt.

As we are walking out, I say to Beyta that I'm a bit concerned about the cookies sliding off the bottom of the cart.

Beyta says, "Why do you worry so much??!!"

Pictured:

Me, trying to salvage the cookies on the trays that slid off of the bottom of the cart while Beyta eats the ones that fell on the ground.

It's fine.

I'm fine.

Everything is fine.

Mr. Watkins just kept right on walking, but made sure to turn around to get a picture.

Anywho, we made it with most of the cookies...

Everyone was fed.

Well.

Everyone was hydrated.

Well.

Those who wanted to play softball got in four innings.

Those who didn't made sure to heckle those who were playing.

And I am done for another six months, or so.

Missed you, P.

No one was injured.

You're welcome.

 

Wildly Imperfect

Thoughts from my week:

Preface:
I really do pretty well to not live in the past, as of two years ago.

However, I also like to take some inventory on what I am doing like a boss, what I can improve on, and what needs to be dropped in the Jesus Box (or which balloons need to be let go of).

Now:

This.

I have told several people that I never EVER want to meet Isaiah.

And, I mean that literally.

But, I do want to meet Max Lucado.

He's my person.

And Brene Brown.

She's uber rad also.

Now, my thoughts from this week:

1. I NEED my friends who are actually my family.

I need them. And, I'm in constant awe of the friends that God has bestowed upon me.

I need my T Time once a month.

I need my daily "talks" with Becky Beck and Miss Birdie.

Truly.

I need my little Messenger group with my sisters.

Oh, how I love them.

2. I am satisfied with the outcome of a very, unbelievably difficult trial that my little family has been enduring for the past couple of weeks.

I am grateful for those who choose to protect us.

I am thankful for their time and their integrity.

I am thankful that this is "over."

3. When in the midst of the hardest things that my children and I go through, I am a boss.

I am the master of holding it all together whilst my children are hospitalized or whilst going through a stroke recovery or whilst enduring divorce and moving and loss.

You want me on your team during these times.

But, right after I can take a breath - ditch me!

Seriously, call a time out and send me to the sidelines.

Because that is when I drop.

That is when my brain and my body are putting up the white flag and calling for mercy.

I have become better at recognizing this and allowing my senses rest.

I am proud of myself for this.

4. I have learned over the past year that living in gratitude and abundance (my true self) makes EVERYthing different. No, we are not living in actual abundance. BUT, when in my mind I am living in abundance, my life is different. God is able to put things/people/trials/opportunities in my hands and take them back out all the while me trusting Him. Living in this manner creates far less panic. When we are in the flow, and living in trust of Him, we are able to be who we are meant to be.

5. Emotions are healthy. They are safe. They are okay. 

Lean into them, then wish them a lovely farewell.

I learned this very week, as I stated yesterday, that God WILL allow the hardest of hard because He knows we need it in order to progress.

Trust me, the bottom of the human ravine is not going to go away.

It sucks down there.

I've been more than my hands have fingers to count.

But, that doesn't mean I live down there.

Each time, with the help of the aforementioned friends, I have come back to the surface.

That's called grace.

6. I am struggling a great deal with my weight.

It just keeps going up.

Why?
Welp, I eat like crap... I mean, it's GOOD food, but not good for me.

AND, I am not going to the gym more than twice a week.

Why?

I don't feel worthy to be there!

It's been this way since the divorce.

I'm stuck somewhere, and I'm not quite sure where.

I am aware of this.

GI Joe would tell me that "knowing is half the battle."

I have not yet come up with a good enough plan to fix it.

And this is why taking a weekly inventory is good for me.

This is something I know I need to work on.

And I will.

I will.

 

More Double A

Wednesday, Colton and I went and spent more time with the babes.

Anson is potty training like a boss!

Apparently, it's exhausting and Sweet Boy fell right to sleep while snuggling with Auntie.

I LIVE for these moments!

Both boys started pre-school this week.

This is their second year.

Asher remained very busy all afternoon!

I literally live for these moments.

LIVE FOR THEM.

 

Workout & Water

Colton was my workout buddy on Monday!
Love this boy!
He has a big worksheet that he has to do for school.

He is learning and working hard!

Then, we went to Brandon and Carrie's!

Anson face-timed Auntie to tell me that there was a water slide and I needed to go party!!

Done and done.

 

Battle Creek & T Time

This was my weekend hike:

Battle Creek Trail

Did you know that this was the first location of a battle between the in-coming saints and the natives?

I would imagine it was over the rights to the water...

It's only a 3/4 mile hike, but it's uphill.

A sweet young family was doing it with their twin two year olds (dadddy holding their hands) and twin newborns (mommy was carrying them in a front baby carrier).

It motivated me beyond words!

See that spot where the X is?

I walked out to there...

And didn't die!!

Oh, my T.

We have a goal to see each other once a month.

We had some Chili's and talked.

Mostly about our children and their trials.

I love this woman with everything I am!

She is beautiful.

Worthy.

Kind.

Hard-working.

A mama bear to the core!

And funny...

Like, so funny!
Annnnd, we face time whilst pooping, so there's that!

 

Come Follow Me - September 6th

This week's Come Follow Me message looks like this:

This week, we are studying D & C: 98-101.

These are HARD sections.

HARD.

The Saints are basically being tormented.

And it's not going to get better for a MINUTE.

Yet, God continues to tell them to "Take Comfort."

"Look for the good."

"Don't retaliate."
"Forgive."

Timely.

SO timely.

Thankfully, Becky Beck sent me a YouTube video to go along with this week's topic.

Here are Heidi's thoughts on these sections at this very time in my life:

There are times when, if Heavenly Father was a mortal friend, I'd have some serious boundaries with Him.

There are times when I'm not even sure I'd consider Him a friend if He was a mortal friend!

I feel so much compassion for the saints in these sections.

Life is SO hard for them right now.

And yet, God is aware of them.

He DOES see them.

But, for whatever reason He does not take these trials away from them.

In fact, the trials get worse and worse before Nauvoo comes.

And, Nauvoo DOES come.

But not before horrendous trials.

Let's break down my feelings:

1. Take Comfort. "In what," I often ask. What would you like me to take comfort in? Where can I find that comfort, Father?

2. Look for the good. I am actually pretty good at finding SOMETHING to be grateful for. However, there are times in the midst of the hardest trials when it just feels impossible. So hard to find the good. 

3. Forgive. Don't retaliate. Just forgive. 

Let's dive into this one. 

I had a conversation with myself OUT LOUD as I drove home from Utah County on Saturday. I had a good hour, if not more, to really discuss this aloud in the car.

First, there are times when we are just not truly ready to forgive someone or something. And, that's okay. BUT, there is always something we CAN do. 

For me, in a current horrific trial, I am not ready to forgive the people involved.

But, what I can do is put their names on a post-it note and place it in my Jesus Box.

This is the box that I use to symbolize me putting my trials at Christ's feet.

I can put this trial at His feet, not take it back, and then actively work to forgive.

Forgiveness doesn't just come and that's okay.

But there is always something that we can do.

Second, I asked myself a question:

"If there was one trial that I could not have had to go through, which one would I choose?"

As I went through the hardest of hard trials we have had, and let's be real - there are a lot and they are REAL bad...

I can honestly say I would not take any of them back.

That speaks volumes about our Father's plan for us.

In the deepest of despair, at the lowest of low times, in the midst of hurt and agony that my children and I have felt...

I wouldn't take any of them back.

Be Still.

Know that He is God.

 

Quick Date & Flamingos

Wednesdays are my half days.

They have, however, turned out to be the busiest day of my week.

I had a hair appointment and a lash appointment.

I got Colton to work and had a little one-on-one time with him.

I had a goal, however, to have some one-on-one time with Kaydon as well.

He was supposed to be off at 5, so after my last appointment I texted him to ask if he would be off at 5.

He said there wasn't a chance of that.

So, I improvised!

I picked up dinner for the two of us and took it to Cold Stone.

He was able to sit down with me for approximately 5 minutes and talk while he shoved a cheeseburger down his throat.

It was a quick date, but one that I am grateful for.

Also on Wednesday, I got my birthday package from my Miss Birdie.

Two BEAUTIFUL coloring books, a grateful notepad (thank goodness because the one she brought me a few months ago is filled), a bracelet, and lots of flamingos.

Yup, this made me cry.

This package was so timely, as it's been a horrific week.

I love my unbiological sisters.

I have three of them: Miss Birdie, T, and B Beck.

Then I have my SIL's:

Carrie, Tiff, Cyd, Brandi and Tesia.

I am so blessed.

I am just the most blessed.