Hard to Be

Jackson attended Youth Conference at the end of last week. He came home Saturday, sat on our bed, and cried. He is such a sweet, sensitive, emotional boy. He is a good boy. Right now, it is hard. He is going to be 16 years old in two months. He starts 10th grade this year. He expressed that he doesn't have any friends in West Point, that he simply follows kids around. He expressed that he misses his friends in Sandy so much. He expressed that it's just hard right now.

As he cried, I cried. My heart broke. I fully understand that my choices have led to multiple schools and lots of changes for these kids of mine. None of that is easy. In fact, it is super hard!

He said that kids think he is weird. He said that kids prefer to hang around kids who swear, and who are disrespectful and rude. He said that he just can't be that person. Josh tried to lift him up, telling him that things will change this year, with a driver's license and a part-time job. I just kept right on crying.

Here's the thing - I had zero friends growing up. None. I was always a loner, and considered to be a loser. I was a home-body, and that ended up being okay with me. I am now aware of what social and emotional damage that did to me growing up. It lingered into adulthood. The words that people said to me stuck to me like stickers put on Wemmicks. The fact that I went to one dance stunk. Feeling like I didn't belong, like I wasn't good enough, like everyone must be right about me... it created who I became... until six years ago when I learned a different way.

My dearest Jackson - and all other kiddos who feel like this is REALLY crappy - this is but a small moment of eternity. This is a little black pen mark on a piece of string stretched between your house and the neighbor's. This is a time that is meant to be hard, but that is also meant to be full of joy. Keep on keeping on. Really! Do something everyday that makes you smile, even if it is sticking a lemon peel in your mouth, or killing a fly, or singing a silly song. Remember who you are and the infinite worth that you have. And, please do NOT ever forget to pray. Pray for good friends. Pray for strength to stay on the path that you have worked so hard to walk on to this point. Pray for courage to be who you are everyday. Don't let the stickers stick to you. Remember Lucia? She just let them fall right off. Think of Lucia when things are hard.

Sometimes it's hard to be, and that's okay. It's good to be you!