Hard to Be

Jackson attended Youth Conference at the end of last week. He came home Saturday, sat on our bed, and cried. He is such a sweet, sensitive, emotional boy. He is a good boy. Right now, it is hard. He is going to be 16 years old in two months. He starts 10th grade this year. He expressed that he doesn't have any friends in West Point, that he simply follows kids around. He expressed that he misses his friends in Sandy so much. He expressed that it's just hard right now.

As he cried, I cried. My heart broke. I fully understand that my choices have led to multiple schools and lots of changes for these kids of mine. None of that is easy. In fact, it is super hard!

He said that kids think he is weird. He said that kids prefer to hang around kids who swear, and who are disrespectful and rude. He said that he just can't be that person. Josh tried to lift him up, telling him that things will change this year, with a driver's license and a part-time job. I just kept right on crying.

Here's the thing - I had zero friends growing up. None. I was always a loner, and considered to be a loser. I was a home-body, and that ended up being okay with me. I am now aware of what social and emotional damage that did to me growing up. It lingered into adulthood. The words that people said to me stuck to me like stickers put on Wemmicks. The fact that I went to one dance stunk. Feeling like I didn't belong, like I wasn't good enough, like everyone must be right about me... it created who I became... until six years ago when I learned a different way.

My dearest Jackson - and all other kiddos who feel like this is REALLY crappy - this is but a small moment of eternity. This is a little black pen mark on a piece of string stretched between your house and the neighbor's. This is a time that is meant to be hard, but that is also meant to be full of joy. Keep on keeping on. Really! Do something everyday that makes you smile, even if it is sticking a lemon peel in your mouth, or killing a fly, or singing a silly song. Remember who you are and the infinite worth that you have. And, please do NOT ever forget to pray. Pray for good friends. Pray for strength to stay on the path that you have worked so hard to walk on to this point. Pray for courage to be who you are everyday. Don't let the stickers stick to you. Remember Lucia? She just let them fall right off. Think of Lucia when things are hard.

Sometimes it's hard to be, and that's okay. It's good to be you!

Open Letter to The Girl

Dear Girl Who Broke My Son's Heart: He is in 7th grade. SEVENTH grade!! I explained to him last night that this is one of the many reasons why having a "girlfriend" is not necessary in the seventh grade. This is not something that seventh graders should have to deal with. However, he is dealing with it. The best part is that you are also a seventh grader. I was once a seventh grade girl and I'm pretty sure I was just like you. My apologies go out to everyone I knew between the 6th and 12th grades. Really, I am so sorry! Back to you - my son was pretty smitten by you. He even bought you a birthday gift for your birthday which happens to be today. However, in awesome seventh-grader fashion, you sent your friends to "break up" with him yesterday after the wrestling meet at your junior high school. Yeah, seventh graders rock! Oh, but wait - it gets better. Last night while we were eating dinner as a family, you sent one of those said friends to our house to knock on the door and tell him that you wanted him to call you. FYI, we have a landline. It's like an old-fashioned in-home, attached to walls phone. You can call there, well you could call there before this happened. Calling now probably wouldn't be a good idea. Why? Because if I answer, you and I are going to have a chat about seventh grade boundaries and etiquette. In fact, I will put Braxton on ANOTHER in-home, attached to the wall phone (yes, we have more than one. We are ancient!), and he will participate in this conversation with you and I because all seventh graders need to hear that this is just unnecessary. I'm relatively certain you should be worrying about braces, how to apply eye shadow in the most minimal amounts possible, and figuring out which Disney movie is your favorite. It is completely unnecessary for seventh graders to be in relationships. Period. I am throwing in a picture of Braxton because he's pretty dang cute, and because his mama bear is in the picture with him, which is appropriate, considering what we are dealing with here.

Anywho, having friends of both sexes is important, no matter how old you are. Having a "boyfriend" or a "girlfriend" is not important, especially not in junior high school. I know that you think that are mature and responsible. Maybe you are. I know that my son is not. I mean, don't get me wrong, he is a GREAT kid who is caring, funny, kind, compassionate, sensitive, quirky, silly, and just plain awesome. But maturity is not one of his strengths right now. In fact, it might not be for quite.some.time. This is one of the many reasons why "dating" in the seventh grade is ridiculous. How do seventh graders date anyways? You can't go anywhere unless you hop on your scooters. You don't have like a job to pay to go anywhere. Heaven knows my kids don't get an allowance. They do chores and in turn, they are provided with three meals a day! I'm getting off track again. I'm sorry. What you did was mean. But I can't really blame you because you should have never had to "break up" with him in the first place! You are children. Children do not need the responsibility of relationships. It's not necessary!! But, because you were in a "relationship" you were eventually going to break up and you did. But, the way you did it was mean. Again, this is a life lesson that would have been better learned, say 6-7 years from now. However, it happened. Two children broke up in a not nice way and this mama is not happy. My advice to you and my son (who already heard all of this from me last night): A) be a child for crying out loud, B) No relationships until you actually understand fully what that means and what it entails, C) don't send your little friends to break up with your "boyfriend. It's cold. It's immature. It's mean. It's cowardly. Do it your dang self, D) don't call my house. Ever. Most cordially, Mama Bear