A Weekend Full of Beautiful Distractions

After meeting with the counselor who was brought in by Human Resources, I was told that I needed to not go to work Friday. Apparently, I'm not doing so well with this whole dealio. So, I slept for quite some time on Friday. When I woke up, we headed to the pool. Braxton, Cam Cam, Kaydon, and Colton swam for a couple of hours and I sat in the sun. There was a seagull that circled and circled and circled my chair. It was annoying and sneaky. Suddenly, I realized it was a tender mercy. I didn't want that seagull to leave me. Small children would come and try to chase it away and I would plead with them not to do that. It was my P and his way of telling me he was okay.

After swimming, we went and walked around Farmington Station with a Fizz in our hands. The children have been asking hard questions. This morning, Colton asked me if P is still dead. Yes sweetheart, his body is still dead. His spirit is more alive than ever.

Saturday, my boys were all gone. The quiet of the house was a lot more than I could handle. I called Brandon and Carrie and went over after the gym. I loved on my babes. Then, I went home and got the boys and we babysat the babies while they went to Uncle Phil's 80th birthday party. My boys LOVE their cousins. The best part of the night:
I was on the couch feeding Asher. Kaydon and Braxton took Anson in to the bedroom to change his diaper. Suddenly I hear, "NOOOOOOO!!!!!" Then, Braxton sprinted down the hall and said, "Mom, I will take him. We need you in there NOW!" I went in and found Kaydon holding Anson's legs up praying out loud, "Dear God. He kept pooping. Dear God. I will never unsee that. Dear God, it's all over. Dear God." I could not stop laughing. Little Anson was just as happy as could be. Poop every where. It made me laugh so hard.

Sunday, we went to my mama's and pops' house. Logan was there. It's impossible not to feel joy around that boy. He met his baby nephews for the first time. It was adorable. I love my family so much. We talked and cried. We laughed. We loved on babies. It was a good day. I was able to love on my Jackson, who has been in Sandy for a week and will come home Wednesday, in time for the funeral. He is struggling the very most of all my boys. His tears come randomly, just like his mama.

I am so grateful for a weekend full of beautiful distractions.

My P

P,

I told you over and over not to get on that plane. You assured me everything would be fine. "Heidi Ray! It's fine!!! See you next week, Sis!" I wish. I wish I could see you next week.

P. You are one of the greatest men I have ever known. You have integrity, honor, the most annoying jokes in the history of annoying jokes, the kindest heart, and the most love for your family of anyone I have ever known. You love your "Red." That's what you call Sarah. You love your kids. Every one of them. Oh, how you love them. You let me read the Father's Day letter that Kenzie sent you. It made me cry and I had to leave your office for a bit. You wrote letters to each of your kiddos a week and a half ago, just because you wanted them to know. Again. You spent five to six nights a week serving people, without anyone knowing. You built ramps, took care of household maintenance issues, fixed yards, just visited with widows, and took care of problems that you saw come up. You thought it was one of the greatest days ever when Caden was ordained an Elder and you were ordained a High Priest on the very same day. You are such a proud dad. You are so stinking proud of your kids.

You always, always took care of me and my boys. You moved us, with the help of Jaxson and Caden and their friends. Colton absolutely adored you. He is not sure what "Perry is dead" means right now and he tells me, "I don't know how I feel Mama." Me either, Colt. Me either. He wanted to know if you were wearing the bracelet he made you when you died. I told him it was safe in your truck. You were the one to give me Priesthood blessings when I needed them. Remember how you always think my name is actually Heidi RAY. It's not. You made that up. So, lots of times you would start the blessing with "Heidi Ray.... DAMNIT!!!!!" Then I would tell you to repent and start over. And you would. How blessed am I that my boss was always worthy to offer a blessing on my behalf.

You always told me that I had a lot of city miles. You're right! You would let me drive the big equipment here once a year. It made you crazy-nervous and you would have to walk away. But, I did it! You would buy me a Farr's ice cream once a year. We loved it! You would ask about my sweet boys every day. You always made sure they had school clothes and had a Christmas. You did that. When I would wear a skirt or dress, you would always say, "You look pretty enough to go to prom, Sis. Who's your date? The muffin man?" It made me smile.

If you liked someone, you never called them by their real name. Bill was Brother Bill. Ernie was Ernie T. Monte was El Monte. Xavier was X-man. Tracey was Governor. Ashley was Fetch Face. Brad was Bradley (which he hates!) Greg was Gregory. Daniel was Daniel-Son. Justin was Brother. Always Brother. I was Heidi Ray, Ray, or Sis. You were always my P.

Gosh, I loved you. We are all broken. You would tell me today to put on my big girl panties and be brave and be strong and drink a Diet Coke. That's what we are all going to do. We are going to be strong. But when we cry, please come do something funny for us. We will pray for your sweet kiddos. We will pray that they will always know that their mom and dad loved them more than anything on this planet. We will pray that they know they have a big City family here as well.

I miss you, P.

Five Months and Two Months

We had some visitors on Tuesday night. Asher is five months old. Anson is two months old. They are complete opposites! Like, completely and totally opposite. In every way.

Asher is thick. He is built like a tank. He is a spaz! He is all over the place. He does not like to sit and be still. He is loud. He spits all over. He laughs like crazy. He flexes his muscles. He is a hoot!

Anson is so thin. He is long and thin. He is chill. He is completely calm. He is rolling over. The same cannot really be said for his big brother. Asher gets super frustrated going from tummy to back. Anson can just sit or lay down and be happy and content. He puts up with Asher until Asher is really over the top - then he'll let him know!

These boys are SO much fun. They are such a blessing in our family. Their cousins absolutely adore them. I cannot get enough of them. Their mommy and daddy are doing so good! Oh, the boys!!

Props to the People

This single mom gig is something that very few people really plan for. It's not really something that the majority of people esteem to become. If they do, allow me to offer my advice: maybe re-think it.

I am a single mom of four amazing boys. But, I could never do this on my own. Ever. I am fully aware that I never do this on my own. It's not possible to do this gig on your own.

So, props to the people:

1- Props to the Cinemark at Farmington Station. I took the boys to see Spider-man last week. I forgot Colton's ear plugs. No bueno! I went out to the box office to see if they had anything at all that I could borrow. They had these huge head phones that they let him wear for the entire movie. It saved everyone!!

2- Props to the Christensen's in our ward for bringing homemade bread, homemade strawberry jam, and a shake for Braxton yesterday. Thank you!

3- Props to P and my co-workers who are eternally supportive and loving to me!

4- Props to Logan and Skipper. Without them, we could literally not survive. How did I get so blessed?

5- Props to my mama, who calls and tells me to breathe.

6- Props to the bishop who came and picked up Braxton during the last hour of church on Sunday, just to take him for a ride to talk. That man is one of our greatest blessings.

7- Props to the guys at the gym who adore me, who sold me a huge (HUGE) bag of protein powder for $30, when they usually sell it for $200.

8- Props to Bert. I don't know what I would do without him and his big heart.

9- Props to Cam, who is a darling girl, who adores Braxton, but who also adores our family and is so supportive of my boy.

10- Props to everyone who makes us laugh everyday. Laughing is therapy. It's joy. It's Heaven.

Little Less Wisdom

Yesterday morning, Brax had seven treasure boxes of wisdom removed. This kid has had seven operations - four of them life-saving. He was by far the most nervous about this one!! And, he was NOT happy about not being able to eat. Poor Peanut!

The surgery went well and we got home within a couple of hours. The doctor said Wednesday through Friday will be the worst. Because of the amount of teeth, his right side is BAD. It is so swollen that he can't close that side of his mouth. And, it's going to get worse. Awesome! Jackson is in charge today and tomorrow. If they need me, they will call me and I will be right there!

Peanut asked to keep his teeth, thinking the tooth fairy is coming. News alert: The tooth fairy isn't coming! I'll take more pictures when he says it's okay. I don't want to make him feel bad right now.

Kaydon and Bert Do Lakehouse

Bert rented a little spot on Tuesday for he and Kaydon to go enjoy the lake. They paddleboarded and surfed behind a boat. They had a little part of the lake all to themselves. Kaydon got to drive the boat for a little bit and he showed me video of him behind the boat.

I love Bert. I love that Kaydon has such a great man to look up to and to learn from!

The Carpenter

Braxton has been working this summer to build a studio apartment in Cam's family's shop out back. He has put insulation in the walls, installed drywall, and now is working on the bed/storage area. Yesterday, he completed the framing part of the bed. The bed will be on the top, with a couch, or dresser or whatever underneath. This will be lived in by one of Cam's sisters.

Braxton is seriously good at this stuff. It comes very natural for him. He can build most anything and he really enjoys doing it. Plus, his tallness is a bonus!!

Lots of Wisdom

Monday, Braxton came to work with me all day because he had an oral surgeon appointment in Ogden that afternoon. He was super well-behaved for the first five hours, then he started to do annoying teenager things, such as: wheel himself around the entire office in a desk chair whilst playing games on his phone, search every drawer in my office for snacks over and over and over again, ask 12569403 questions... the list really goes on and on. Good thing he's cute.

He and I headed to the doctor and found out quickly that the boy has seven wisdom teeth. Seven. Not four. Seven. The doctor said, "Well, that's rare." I guarantee you that I have heard those words regarding my children 1839205837 times. For real. Seven. Ugh. They wanted to do surgery Wednesday. Uh, no. So, Monday is the day. Surgery on Monday for seven dang wisdom teeth. You'd think that seven wisdom teeth would equal a whole lot of wisdom. Unfortunately in Braxton's case, that just isn't the way it's worked out. Good thing he's cute!

More Swimming

Saturday, I told Colton that I would take him swimming. Before I knew it, there were six other kids who jumped in to the back of the truck. I had so many children and so many tubes and only so many bottles of water and so many peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Everyone was sprayed with sun screen. Everyone swam for three hours. No one was injured. Everyone went home tired. Success!!

And, don't mind the ice in my "cleavage." It was flipping hot!!!!

Friday Night Concert

I had free tickets to a concert on Friday night at the Ogden City Amphitheater. It was a country music concert and I was a little worried about Colton. I stole some ear plugs from my guys and we headed there anyways. Jackson, Braxton, and Cam were good sports, as they are not big country music fans. But, as soon as Runaway June came out - Jackson was sold!!! Cute girls! Colton did awesome! We didn't make it to the last act - Drake White - but all in all, I think he did so good! It was a great night outside, listening to good music!