Normals

Change happens.

It sucks sometimes.

But, it happens.

P died.

Rock retired.

New manager.

The division split.

No more Monte.

Jaker retired.

A lot at work has changed in the last two years.

I had a stroke.

I have post-stroke days and endless appointments and four kids.

But, there are still normals.

Rock's GF, Chris, makes THE world's best zucchini bread.

She made ME a few mini loaves and sent Rock with instructions.

I had to share three of them with the office and the rest were for the boys and I.

I may or may not have eaten three loaves by my dang self so far.

Rock sat in my office with the smell of goodness from this bread.

I got a big Rock hug.

We gossiped.

We laughed.

We talked about Colton. (Uncle Ernie is his favorite!!!)

And it felt normal for a minute.

Snow Plowing

This morning, I did a ride along with one of my guys.

It is the second time I have done this.

The last time was right before my stroke, and if I'm being honest, I feel like it might be related. 

This is what I have to say about this activity:

1. People. Chill out. These guys (my guys) have been out since 4 am. My night crew was out all night. It is NOT POSSIBLE to plow every street in a large city at the very same time. It takes a lot of time, in particular when it is still snowing. 

2. Schools, hospitals and MAIN roads are priority.

3. It takes quite a few swipes down the same road to plow it. 

4. When you park your car on the road, it is a problem. It's a hazard. It's a problem.

5. NO, it is not possible to turn the plow blade in front of every single driveway. The blade has to stay at that angle and so you are going to get snow in your driveway. Suggestion: don't shovel it until the plow has been by.

6. Don't yell at these drivers. Don't flip them off. Don't throw large objects at them. Seriously. Be grateful.

7. No one likes shoveling. No one likes dealing with snow. Our guys literally plow their own driveways in. It's not fun for anyone, but they are doing their dang best.

Decking the Tree

Yesterday, X-Man and I decorated the Christmas tree in the lobby.

It is a TALL tree. 

Like, really extra tall.

It took us a little over an hour-ish.

It's really beautiful.

We are quite delighted with the results.

I don't mind decorating for Christmas at all.

I just feel like I missed out on all of the fun last year.

It feels good to be involved with all of it this year!!

Temple Night

This picture is from a year ago.

Asher loves this guy.

This was last Thanksgiving.

Asher was hungry (hangry).

He was happy to have Rand hold him though.

And feed him.

And change him.

And make him laugh.

Last night, Rand and I went and did initiatories at Ogden's Temple.

It was his third time at the temple.

The first was last month when he took his own endowment out.

The second time was last month when Jackson went to the temple.

Then last night was the third time and we just did initiatories.

It was a slower pace.

No stress.

And dinner.

He always feeds me.

Garcia's has the best bean dip with tortilla chips.

Yummo!

Tonto

Yesterday was a good day. 

I met my future ex afterall.

That's a joke.

A bad joke, but a joke.

My guys lovingly told me that I had just met my "future ex" since it was obviously  not going to end successfully with Tonto.

It's fine.

He touched me AND said my name.

So, that's pretty much a relationship.

Anywho.

Yesterday, three of my guys picked me up at 6:10 am.

We traveled to the far-off metropolis of Saratoga Springs.

Have you ever driven out there?
Someone please explain to me whey anyone would EVER want to have that commute everyday!

We arrived at the venue and met up with like 15 of my other guys.

It was just my Streets guys and I.

It was a great day.

We ate breakfast, which my guys brought to me (because I'm spoiled).

A donut and a Diet Coke.

Speakers talked about snow plowing, the forecast for the upcoming winter and the science of ice slicer.
I was only interested in the budget part of it, but my barely-awake guys seems enthralled by the meteorologist and scientists' speeches.

THEN, THE KRIS TONTO PARONTO came out and spoke.

He was the Ranger involved in the Benghazi battle.

He was a great speaker.

He spoke in great detail about the battle.

Some of it was funny, most of it was heart-breaking.

The gratitude that I have for those who literally sacrifice everything for me and my family is immense.

As he was finishing his speech, the building started to shake and it sounded like a loud helicopter above.

It was an Apache.

I totally spelled that wrong on Instagram and FB.

Stroke brain.

It was so emotional.

I've never seen one up-close.

I stood right up on a chair in my skort.

Should have thought better of that.

Come to find out, a few of my guys stood behind me so that no one could look up my skort.

Gosh, I love them so much.

It was announced that Tonto would be out at a table next to the Apache, signing his books and answering any questions.

The cool part, he had no idea the Apache was coming. 

The host announced that some military members found out he was coming and wanted to salute him.

Tears.

I told the guys that we needed to go get a family picture.

Mr. Watkins said, "Come on, Sis."
He walked down with me to where the table was.

Tonto had stopped to use the restroom and wasn't there yet.

It was already a massive line.

Mr. Watkins asked me what I wanted to do...

I told him that it was too long and I didn't have money for a book, so we should just forget it and go get in line for food.

We started to walk back to the food line and walking toward us was Tonto.

I about lost my breath.

For real.

Mr. Watkins said, "Okay, Sis!"

I said, "I know I'm not in line, but can you please take a picture with me?"
He said, "Hell yes I can!"

He put his arm around me first!

And, he said, "Nice to meet you, HEIDI!"

I said, "HE SAID MY NAME!!!"

Mr. Watkins said, "You're wearing a name tag, Sis."
Oh.

His speech and the Apache are something I'll never forget.

The guys and I then went and played 18 holes.

My 5 iron was on point!

My putter and pitching wedge not so much.

But, my heart was full!

Softball & Grub

Annnnnd, both softball and lunch events for 2018 are in the books.

Annnnnnd, my anxiety level is just now coming down.

Annnnnnd, as usual I am eternally grateful for this group of men who surround me and lift me up every single day.

This is the third event since P went to Heaven.

I have missed him immensely at every single one.

He handled my anxiety and sass with expertise.

There is no question that Beyta and Mr. Watkins have taken the reigns.

I am pretty sure they prepare themselves for this for days.

Not the softball or the food or the setup or the cleanup, but me.

They prepare themselves for my high-strung angst.

Once again, it went off without a hitch.

We ran out of food and drinks.

That's probably a good thing.

Hungry people with full tummies!

I love these days... when they're over.

I love that we get to do this twice a year.

I love my guys to the moon and back.

They have proven they would do anything for me and my family.

I feel the same about them.

I am a lucky, lucky girl.

Until Spring!

Field Trips

There were days when P would tell me that we were going on a field trip.

I'd hop into the truck.

He'd usually play a General Conference talk on his iPad and we'd drive.

We'd check on different projects that our crews were doing.

We would sometimes take the crews water.

We would sometimes go to Farr's to get ice cream (like once a year).

I pretty much lived for these field trips.

I always felt like it was a day off.

Apparently, today I was a bit off.

Okay, maybe the entire week I have been off.

Mr. Watkins came into my office and announced we were going on a field trip.

Heidi IN!

First, we went to Burger King. 

They may or may not have sat and watched me eat a double patty with cheese and bacon with no bun.

They may or may not have ripped all of the sharp edges off of my fries.

I was in Burger King bliss.

For real.

Then we went on the hunt for coolers.

The semi-annual softball/lunch is next Tuesday and we needed coolers.

We found the perfect ones! 

Thank you, Walmart.

Then we went to pick up a tap and oil.

I would describe these but I really have no idea what they are for... the mill??

Then we came back to the office.

I felt like a new person.

And, I felt like P was smiling down on us...

Especially his guys for taking care of Sis!

One Year

One year ago today, at about this time, P came in to my office in shorts and a t-shirt. He was giddy. The rodeo was over and he and his bride, with their best friends, were on their way to Island Park for a few days. They were flying up to have some adult time. The kids were driving up to meet them on Friday. I asked him, again, not to get on the plane. I just knew something bad was going to happen. I didn't think they were going to die, I just didn't feel good about it. At all. He was being silly. He made a shirt out of a plastic bag and had me put it on. Then he got his iPad out to video record me. I flipped him off. I am pretty sure that this is the last image on that iPad. Whoops.

We joked around for a while... he, Monte, Bill and I. He was so stinking excited to have the rodeo over with and he was so looking forward to the week with Sarah. He loved that woman with every ounce of his soul. She was so perfect with him. There was not a person on this planet who did not love Sarah. Looking back, P had been taking care of everything... and I'm not sure that he even knew why. But, everything was "in order." He knew. He followed inspiration better than anyone I know. He had written letters to each of his four kids. They will live the rest of their lives on this Earth knowing that their dad loved them.

Before he left the office, he said, "Okay, Heidi Ray. See you Monday! Love ya!" And that was it. That was the last time I would see him on this Earth. Within 15 or 20 minutes, Monte called me and asked if I had heard about the plane crash. I told him that was not a funny joke. He told me he'd be right to me. I knew then. I knew then that my P was gone. It wasn't until about an hour and a half after the crash that the email was sent out to the city employees, but I knew. I don't remember anything after that. I have been told that I lost my mind. I screamed and screamed. I cried and could not be consoled. A plan was put in place to get me home. The freeway was closed. And the guys wanted me no where near the freeway. Ernie was assigned to come right to me. My door was closed and only certain people were allowed in. Jimi was here. Bill came in and out. Kay and X came in and out. I was not in my right mind, I am sure. When a plan was finally in place to get me home to my children, I was escorted out of my office and in the hallway on that day, in that moment was every single one of my guys. Wanting to hug me and comfort me and needing comfort and hugs themselves. It took hours and hours to get home. Hours. I thought to myself that day, "I guarantee that no one in these cars next to us has any idea what kind of moments we were having." And I promised myself that day that I would work hard on not judging others.

I got home. My boys came out and Kay and I told them that our P was gone. They each mourned in their own way. Some broke down right out front and dropped to their knees in tears. Kaydon went to be by himself. Colton asked a whole lot of questions that I could not answer. I asked them to not get on to any news sights and to be aware of social media comments, where trolls would be making ignorant comments about our P. We prayed together and tried to love a little more. The next week, or so, is a blur.

This morning, two of my boys and I got up early (EARLY) and met Mr. Watkins, Beyta, Kay and X at the shop to make breakfast for the guys. It's what P would have wanted. He always wanted to share. He always wanted to serve. He did it everyday without people having any idea. It was a beautiful way to honor him today. Lots of hugs today. Lots of tears today. Lots of smiles today, remembering this man who was bigger than life. For one year, Kay has saved the "disco ball" that hung in his office from his 40th birthday. Today, the three of us hung it in my office. It was emotional, but right. It will hang from the ceiling with the two pinatas he hung for my birthdays.

P, we did good.

Dream Team

When P was alive, he was my protector. He was my human diary. He was my big brother. He was my guider and director and speak-straighter. He would put me in my place when I needed it and would allow me to do the same with him. When that airplane crashed, I lost far more than my boss.

He had trained the guys right, though. Everyone picked up their own "duty" when it came to me. For months, the guys would take turns following me home to make sure I got home safely in the stick shift. For months and months, Rock would text me every morning and every night. For months, the guys would take turns eating lunch with me to make sure I ate. They have always been very protective, but they each picked up the slack from P being gone.

In particular, Mr. Watkins took the reigns. He and P were very close and I have always trusted him. He has been my P since I lost my P. This morning, we had interviews to go do. The dream team. Mr. Watkins, Beyta and Heidi Ray. Afterwards, they took me to lunch. At 10:15 a.m. Better believe I had a FAT bacon cheeseburger and a full dose of fries. I've been nibbling on crackers ever since with a slight stomach ache... judgement free zone!

P, thank you for making sure I'd be taken care before you got in that airplane. You never missed a single detail. I miss you. Every single day.

Spring Softball

We pulled off another lunch and softball tournament on Monday.

I love doing this for my guys, and the entire department. But, it is one of the most stressful days of the year for me. It's feeding over 100 people. It's making sure everything is where it needs to be when it needs to be there. It's making sure that my "helpers" are ready to roll. It's making sure restrooms are open and working, softball equipment is ready to go, there is plenty of drinks for old guys playing softball. It's making sure I keep my emotions in check because I'm missing P. It's making sure I just enjoy the smiles on everyone's faces and realizing that this is all worth it.

When I got to work on Monday, I stopped by Vince's office. I told him that this was a day when I am maybe slightly more high-strung and on edge. Billiam poked his head in and told Vince and he, Mr. Watkins, and Ernie would help him out with my looks... lol... you know, when I give "the look" it's time for people to jump in to action. That was always P's job. Now, it falls on everyone else. Just getting out of the grocery store with eight carts packed full is a trip... then loading them into the truck without anything spilling out is another adventure. Making everything on-site and not losing my mind... you get the picture.

Rock's crew was already grilling when we arrived. The canopies and tables were already set up. Restrooms were open and stocked. There was a cold Diet Coke waiting for me. I made salads while Vince and Billiam loaded coolers with ice, soda, water, and my salad dressings and yogurts that needed to stay cold. Cookies, rolls, salads, fruit trays, and steak sauce was set out on tables. I ate about two entire steaks in "tastes." Those guys know just how to make this girl happy! I don't think I even needed to give any looks the whole day! The weather could not have been better. The three softball games were fun and competitive and so entertaining. Sit this girl at a ball game and I am at my HAPPIEST.

P, I miss you everyday. Doing things without you that we always did together doesn't seem to be getting easier. But these guys. Oh, you trained them so well. They know exactly what I need and when I need it. I can't wait to see you play softball again with your guys. I can't wait to hear you heckle the guys at home plate. We miss you!

Conferencing

The last two days, I've been at the gang conference. It is always a rough two days. I get really excited about it, then we get there and it's emotionally exhausting. Seeing videos and pictures of these kiddos who are born just as innocent as any other child, going in to a life which they think has no return is heartbreaking. It's heartbreaking to see the damage that it causes to other people, as well. It's all just for nothing. Tonight, I'll be going home to discuss all of the NEW drugs that are now out there that look like any other candy or soda pop with my boys. I will be discussing stranger danger AGAIN. And drug danger AGAIN. I'll be discussing with them their worth and how no one can ever take that away.

And... I really missed my P this year. A lot.

Silly Boys, Excavators Are For Girls!

Yesterday, I got an early morning text message from Mr. Watkins. It said, "You up for a field trip today?" DUH!!!

Beyta came and picked me up. I put on a few hoodies because it was chilly!! I climbed down in to the river bed and up in to the excavator and did some work!!!!

I love my freaking guys!