December 7th was his birthday and December 10th I had a stroke. I, and the doctors, did not believe that was just a coincidence.
July 24, 2018, P and his beautiful bride were honored at the Ogden Pioneer Days Rodeo. July 26th, my boys and I fixed breakfast for all of my guys because it's what P would have wanted. I needed it, too.
Yesterday, August 2nd, 2018, I was given a most tender of mercies.
Xavier had a lady at his window. I have an open window from my office out to his desk. I could see the lady standing there, looking at me. I didn't know her. X came in and told me that it was P's sister and that she wanted to talk to me. Again, I'd never met her. What could this be about? She came back, asked if I was Heidi and then hugged me. I invited her to sit down. She talked about how she couldn't believe she was in my office and that I was going to think that she was crazy and that she didn't want me to think she was crazy and that she had even pulled over on her way to my office and asked P if this was really necessary. I just sat, stunned. Then she proceeded to tell me that P had come to her every single night for two weeks in her dreams... telling her to come talk to me and telling her what to say. At that point, I began to weep. As did she. She told me that P wants me to know that he loves me and my boys. She told me that P said to tell me not to be sad anymore because he and Sarah are golden... doing so good. He told her to tell me that he knows I'm mad at him, but it's okay. Even if he wouldn't have gotten into that airplane that morning, he would have been taken. It was his time and it was okay and he was ready. Then, he told her to tell me that he can do SO much more for my boys and I from where he is than he could ever do for us while he was here. I just wept. I told her that the last part was what I needed to hear... I needed to hear him say that he can do so much more for us from where he is at than he could do here. That is what I have struggled with... feeling like I need him HERE and NOW. I thanked her. I told her I believed her and trusted her. She reminded me, through tears, that these were not at all her words, but his. She thanked me for being receptive. I thanked her for following her promptings. She told me that she just needs him to leave her alone!! I giggled at that. I told her how much I love him and how much I miss him. I told her that I have been mad, but that now I understand. I told her about how he was there, in the circle, when two of my boys were set apart to different levels of the Aaronic Priesthood last August. She told me that she knew because he had told her. I told her how much I miss him. She told me how much she misses him. We talked about his children and the tender mercies that are with them every single day. We cried some more. I asked her to stop in whenever she has a chance because she has his eyes and it was such a blessing for me to be able to look at his eyes for a half hour and know, because the Spirit bore an undoubtable witness to me, that it was all true.
As she left, she told me that the last thing he wants me to know is that he is ALWAYS with us. ALWAYS. He doesn't leave the boys and I, just like he never leaves his children or family members.
What a blessing to know... to really KNOW... that this life is not just to be born and die. There was life before this. There is life after this. There is purpose to all of it. The veil is so thin. SO thin. Heavenly Father blesses us with angels seen and unseen, heard and unheard. I have no doubt that there are angels who are preparing the way for my Jackson and his mission. There are angels who are meeting on each of our behalf's each and every morning. We are never alone. We are never without. We are so, immensely blessed.
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