Our Trial and Triumph - Are You Kidding Me?

A couple of months ago, prior to the sky literally falling, Braxton had asked me if he could attend EFY this year. I told him that he would have to earn the money because Mama didn't have it. He made plans with his amazing friend, Sam, on how he would earn money. Then he got sick and almost died. Remember that?! Tuesday night, he handed me an envelope with this in it:

Sam and his family earned the money FOR Braxton. Braxton is going to EFY because he has amazing friends, who have amazing families who are helping me to raise my boys.

Thank you will never be enough.

Our Trial and Triumph - Angels In Action

I don't have very many close friends - those who pretty much know everything about me and have stood by me anyways. Being my friend is probably pretty similar to riding the worlds fastest roller coaster all day long, over and over again.

Becky Beck. Becky and Mo were my visiting teachers 15 years ago. They never came and taught me a lesson. Ever. Instead, once a month we went to eat. And talk. And cry. And laugh. If you're with Mo and you don't laugh, there is probably something wrong with you! Becky was the first person to hold Colton. Becky and Mo have been my friends through three failed marriages. They love me anyways. They have done so while experiencing their own life-changing trials. No one does trials with as much grace and dignity as B Beck. No one. Mo always says she wants to be Becky when she grows up. Me too. Me too.

My Heidi (Mommy Martha) is one of my greatest blessings. This girl is the one who came over late on Friday night right after I learned that a baby would be born to my spouse. She held me. She held Jackson. She let me cry. She made sure Priesthood holders were on their way over to give blessings to Jackson and I. She is a far better mommy to Colton than I could ever be. She is the best second mommy to my boys that there could ever be. She has fed my family, wiped my tears, made me laugh, and comforted me more than I could ever say. She is hysterical. She is gorgeous. She is such a good mom to her four munchkins, who I love and adore. I don't know what I'd do without her, and I never want to find out.

Mo is the epitomy of joy. Seriously, this girl makes me laugh so hard. She has been through it and she just continues to find happiness in everything that she does. She is absolutely committed to her children and they adore her. I love her to the moon and back and am so grateful I have her!

My Sarah (Miss Birdie) is my sister from another mister. I met Sarah a few years ago - like seven or so years ago. We met because her husband got a job at the College in the same office as I was in. He noticed something about me and said that he thought his wife and I should meet. She is an amazing writer, animal care-giver, and friend. She has dedicated her life to making sure that no one gets hurt the way she and I have been hurt. She volunteers. She loves. She serves. She saved my life six years ago, literally. She continues to remind me everyday that I am worth it. That I am strong enough. That I am better than I think I am. She is the reason I am here and she is the reason that I choose joy.

It is my honor to call these four women my friends. Someday, I hope to repay them for what they have given me - for filling my heart with love and safety and commitment. I cannot imagine doing life without them.

Our Trial and Triumph - My Ring

With the sales of some of my eBay stuff, I got myself a ring. It's a mother ring. Having all of my kids born in the same month has its benefits! One stone and one stone only! This is obviously most likely NOT a real stone, but it's mine. It was like $20 on eBay, but its worth the world to me because I wear it on my finger as a reminder of my boys. Oh, how I love them!

Our Trial and Triumph - MY Family

Can you even stand the cuteness?!?! I mean, really. Can you?! Because I can't. These boys of mine are so handsome, so stalwart, so courageous, so brave, so creative, so smart, so funny, so caring, and so mine. All mine.

Just look at them.

Our Trials and Triumph - Fight On

Miss Sarah sent me a package and I got it yesterday. It had a book in it, "Fight On." It is amazing. Complete awesome-sauce. I read it and re-read it! You should too. Seriously, I want to shout these words from the roof top for everyone to hear.

The first page: "You are doing it!"

Another: "You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to let go. You are allowed to protect yourself. You are allowed to enjoy yourself. You are allowed to put yourself first."

"If you knew how capable you are, you'd stop worrying and start amazing yourself!"

"Do not give your time to the things that drain you, the thoughts that bring you down, or the people who break your heart. Make room for GOOD things to begin!"

"Just because your miracle doesn't look like the miracle you were expecting, that doesn't mean it isn't the one you've been waiting for."

"You do not need anyone to light up your life. There is great joy in discovering that you can do that for yourself."

"Yes, there is pain. There is beauty too. Keep your heart open."

"YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER. Your heart and soul have been telling it to you all along."

"There is nothing wrong with starting again."

Our Trial and Triumph - Week Full of Blessings

It really is true that when you begin to count your blessings, they are too numerous to contain. They are every where. They just need to be looked for, recognized, and thanks given for them.
1. Book from Sarah (look for tomorrow's post)
2. My amazing, awesome, comforting co-workers. My boss told me that when I begin dating again, the guys will have to come to the office where they will be greeted by 79 men who will interview them and threaten them with their lives. He wasn't kidding. I am blessed beyond words.
3. Mom and Pops paying off a medical bill I've been paying on for four years.
4. Kaydon's comment: "You're doing good, Mom. I'm so proud of you."
5. My ability to pay my bills this week.
6. My pedicure. Awwwwww.
7. Logan's phone call.
8. My new crocodile tooth necklace from Sweet Jude. It's beautiful and it's meaning is amazing.
9. Laughter!!!!!
10. Sunshine and warmth. It's about time to get my camping chair out for my lunch breaks again!

11. Sayings like the one above that are sent to me daily. Articles, pictures, talks... all of which bring me comfort and remind me that I am DOING this right now. Every day. We are DOING.
12. Music
13. Gus Gus
14. Our ability to do service
15. Becky's texts
16. Karly's talk in church last Sunday.
17. Hannah's piano solo in church last Sunday. I could listen to that girl everyday.
18. Heidi's phone calls.
19. Natalie, Katherine, and Heidi picking up Colton and taking him home everyday.
20. Love - the real kind of love. The love that has integrity and doesn't hurt. The love that is there simply because we are all ALWAYS worth it.

Our Trial and Triumph - Let Them Be Boys

Yesterday I got home and found windows open and no one in the house. I could hear boys being boys in the back yard, so I went to check it out. Two of my boys were shooting their bows and arrows. One of my boys, and my adopted boy (Block Head, were a couple of doors down shooting bb guns. It made me smile. It brought so much joy to my heart. They were being boys. I love letting them be boys. I love when they pretend and imagine and do things that make them happy out in nature. I love that we live where we do so that they can do that. I feel so blessed!