Lunch Date

Jackson called me yesterday. He and Kaydon chose not to go to school (which is not a big deal because I'm pretty sure all of their classes consist of watching "Ferris Buhler's Day Off" just like my last week of school when I was their age. They wanted to come and go to lunch with me. OKAY!!!

It's funny because I think that they are so used to there being four of them and not getting a lot of attention from me because I am spread pretty thin. It was fun to watch them -- just two of them -- just not able to shut up! They wanted to talk and talk and talk and talk and I loved it!

I am so grateful that they love hanging out with my their mom! They never complain. They always ask to do it and I am so thankful!

Surprises

Stress has caused my hair to literally burn off and fall out and completely break off. It was not pretty. I was so self-conscious about it. So, back down the street to the hair girl I was sent. My boss was literally terrified that I was going to come back looking like Sinead. I was too. I asked the hair girl if she was going to have to buzz it. She said she didn't know yet. Then she started cutting. I actually love it. Like, a lot.

I got home from my jobs at 11 last night and found this note and a superhero cake from my 16 1/2 year old. I cried a little. Or a lot. I unloaded the dishwasher as quietly as I could, all the while thinking how blessed I am to be a mom to these four gems. I absolutely love them. I am so lucky!!

And, my weeds. They need to grow! I love sitting outside with them for lunch every day. I love the sun and the slight breeze. I love that people walk by and see me sitting there and just smile. I love my weeds!

Happily Ever After

My baby boys will always and forever by my happily ever after. I wanted to take them out for pizza last night to our favorite, Rita's. They arrived before me and got our special table. Braxton walked outside, offered me his arm, and walked me to my chair. This is normal. My boys always make sure I am taken care of. Always. Last night, he and Kaydon continued to pack and move stuff. I haven't packed one item. Not one. Yet, so much is packed and ready to be moved. They are my joy. They are my reason. They are my happily ever after.

Do you know what else makes me happy? Sitting outside in my weeds for lunch! Oh, I LOVE sunshine. It's my happy place. Everyone at my work knows that when I am outside in my pink camping chair, you best leave me alone!!!

Oh, and that Rita's visit - we went for pizza because it IS a pizza joint. We all ordered salads. Is that weird?? Only if you're not us!!

Our Trial and Triumph - My Ring

With the sales of some of my eBay stuff, I got myself a ring. It's a mother ring. Having all of my kids born in the same month has its benefits! One stone and one stone only! This is obviously most likely NOT a real stone, but it's mine. It was like $20 on eBay, but its worth the world to me because I wear it on my finger as a reminder of my boys. Oh, how I love them!

Texting

I just got this text from Kaydon. Seriously. He's 13. He just sent this to me. I am so blessed.

Hey mom your my happy thought today love you

These Nuggets

My kids are my whole world. Jackson, at 16, is driving and telling us amazing-sauce stories about his day everyday. I do not know how kids are able to handle their day-to-day these days. The things that happen in schools today are horrible, terrible, and terrifying. Braxton, at 14, is just a crack-up everyday. The poor thing is so clumsy and asks the funniest questions ever. Oh, I love him. Kaydon, at 13, is so tender and so close to the Spirit. He reminds me at dinner to turn on the scriptures so we can listen while we eat. He texted me today to tell me that a sweet girl, and her friends, asked him if he wanted to eat lunch with them because he was sitting by himself. Colton, at 12, tries so hard to navigate this life. It can be exhausting and frustrating, but I can't imagine our family without him. Brooklyn, at 7, loves to sing in the shower and tell me stories from when she "was a little girl." I have to remind her that she is still my "little girl."

I am so blessed to be their mommy. I love them more than they will ever know.

Love Is In The Air Up Here!

Jackson has a girlfriend. Like, he asked her to "go out" with him, so apparently it's official. She is a wrestling manager for the team. I really like her. She's a cute girl. She seems very down-to-earth and not involved in the drama that I witness every single day with these junior high kids.

This morning, I was a few minutes late to work because Kaydon had woken up EXTRA early so he was up when I was leaving. I just had to spend a few minutes loving on this gem! Every single day, this boy tells me that I'm beautiful and he loves to get squeezes from his mama. I had to just eat him up for a few minutes!!!

First Times

Last night, Kaydon, Braxton, and Jackson went to do baptisms at the Ogden Temple. It was Kaydon's first time. I took Kaydon to get his recommend on Tuesday night. He was SO nervous, but he came out and said, "I PASSED!" So cute. Braxton and Jackson didn't want to go. They were tired and worn out and grumpy. I forced them. I don't force my children to do very many things. But, I actually used the word "force" with them. Then, Josh stepped in, told them to get their dress clothes on pronto and drove them to the church. I told them I loved them, even though they were mad and not looking at me. I also told them that they wouldn't regret it. I knew they wouldn't regret it. I knew that their excuse that "I'll just go next time," wasn't good enough. I knew that they needed to go last night. They were all SO glad they went. Kaydon said to me, "Mom, it was amazing. It was so amazing." I knew it would be. I knew it! Jackson and Braxton were all smiles when they got home. They needed to be there. I know that we always need to respect agency, but last night I put my foot down... and it worked out okay.

Mom's and Muffins

This morning, I attended Mom's and Muffins at West Point Elementary with Kaydon and Colton. It's my first time ever attending one of these. Jackson is in ninth grade. Braxton is in seventh grade. Kaydon is in sixth grade. Colton is in fifth grade. And, I've never attended one. I've always had to work. This morning, I told my boss I was going to be late and I went. Tears came to my eyes as I realized that for all of these years, my boys have been there alone, without a mom. By themselves. Did anyone invite them to sit with them? Did another mom give them a hug, or a pat on the head? Did they just go sit in the bathroom or their classroom so that they didn't have to be "alone?" I am fully aware that being a full-time mom is hard work. It's exhausting and trying. But, oh how I envy those moms who are able to participate in daily events with their children. Many, many of these moms left the mom's and muffins that they attend every single year and went back home to be a homemaker, to run errands, to organize and cook and clean. I came to work. How grateful I am that for 45 minutes this morning, my boys were not alone. They had their mom there. We sat together, toured their school, said "hi" to their new friends, and laughed together. Today, they had their mom there with them.

Ordination & A Phone

Kaydon was ordained to the office of Deacon in the Aaronic Priesthood, in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints on Sunday. A few weeks ago, I asked Josh to find out who Kaydon wanted to have ordain him. Kaydon immediately said, "YOU." I asked Josh what he told Kaydon. Josh said, "I told him I would be ready to do it." My cup runneth over. Josh was baptized a member of the Church, and was active in activities and scouts. He was ordained an Elder several years ago, but has never been "active." His mom comes from a Protestant background, and his dad is not an active member. I have never asked Josh to be active, or to participate, as I have always wanted him to do it on his own. Before we were married, he would go to Sacrament Meeting with us on Sundays, which I was always grateful for. Since we got married and moved to West Point, he has only missed one day of church and it was because he had to work. He always gets the boys to their priesthood activities, always makes sure they look appropriate and act appropriate. He makes sure we pray before meals, and participates in our family home evenings. He went and got Kaydon a new outfit for his big day. It IS a big deal when a young man chooses to be ordained to the Priesthood. The Priesthood is the path to Heaven. We, as sisters, are equally blessed by the Priesthood. Having the Priesthood in our home is essential to the Spirit being as strong as possible. Sunday was a beautiful, exciting day. Kaydon looked so sharp. He was so excited. My dad had sent Josh the wording that he needed to memorize. He spent quite a bit of time working on that. The ordination was beautiful. Again, my cup runneth over.

On a separate, but also exciting note, Braxton got his first phone. He has earned it. In our home, the rule is that you have to be 13 and getting a 3.0 to get a phone. Braxton was in no way going to get a phone when he turned 13 one year ago. He was really struggling in every aspect of his life. He was a miserable kiddo. Josh worked and worked and worked with him. When we got married and moved, it was like a switch was flipped with that kid. He is a totally different Braxton and we love it! He is responsible, helpful, service-oriented, loving, clean, kind, patient, and just good. He was set apart as the Deacon's Quorum President last week. This title doesn't make him a good kid, but the characteristics that he has taken on do. He earned this phone and I as so happy to get it for him!

Mommy

Last night, my big boy needed his mommy. He didn't say that he needed his mommy. He showed me that he needed his mommy. It was one of the greatest moments in recent memory. Jackson had a rough day/night. I can't be sure if it was just yesterday, or if emotions have been building in his mind and heart. He is a pretty quiet dude. He talks to us, but it's never too detailed. He broke last night when we got home from his orthodontist appointment. He hunched over the kitchen counter and sobbed. I rubbed his back and told him how much I loved him. Josh kept asking him what was wrong. He just cried, unable to speak through the sobs. Finally, he stood up and told us a few things that he is struggling with right now. We told him how proud we are of him and how much we love him. Josh got him a plate of food and I went into the Living Room with the other kiddos. It's so rare for Jackson to show emotions that his younger siblings were swarming him, asking him what was wrong. Colton and Brooklyn did not like seeing him so emotional. When he was done eating, he came in and sat on the couch right next to me and laid his head on my shoulder. His 6'1" frame had to slide way down on the couch so that he could cuddle with his mama. I didn't ever want that moment to end. My big boy needed his mommy and he was letting me be his mommy. He was silent, with muffled sobs now and then. But, he was with his mommy. I just held him for a good hour while the family played and talked all around us. I thanked my Heavenly Father over and over again for this moment. These moments are so very, very rare now. These kids of mine grow more and more independent every single day. But, we all need our mommy. I thought about my Heavenly Father, too. How many times do we just break and want our Father? For me, it's just about daily. And when this happens, He comes and holds us every.single.time. I never want my kids to stop needing me, and I never want to not be there for them when they do. I'll love you forever, I'll love you for always.

Brothers

Those of you who have known us, stood by us, loved us, prayed for us, sent well wishes our way through all of our "stuff," to you I say thank you. My boys are resilient, and thank goodness for that because most of their lives, their mama has sucked it up big time! I seem to have a hard time choosing the right. I like to make the same mistake about 97.8 times BEFORE I decide to choose the right. Because of my lack of choosing the right on the first try, my boys have been dragged through it. Last night, I sat on the porch and watched my big boys play soccer with each other. My boys are hilarious. They are strong and healthy. They are smart. They are articulate. They are fun. They are good. I marveled for a moment at how they have become such good boys. It's certainly not because of me. I am certain that it is because of prayers, good primary and young men's teachers, good bishops, good friends, good grandparents, good uncles, good great-grandparents, a good auntie, good people (strangers), who along the way have smiled at them, have given them $1 for helping in their yard, have encouraged them, have taught them through example to be good, good young men. Yes, they beat each other up. Yes, they tell each other to shut up. Yes, they yell at each other. But, down deep they love each other. They have always had each other and they always will. They love their mama. They are good to me. They comfort me and protect me. They teach me. They train me. They direct me in their own ways. I am immensely, and eternally grateful for the friends of mine who have never left me, who have inspired me, wiped my tears, hugged me, loved me despite my flaws. To each of you, thank you. I owe you big! These boys have been carried by our Heavenly Father more than even I know. He has held them in the hollow of His hands daily. They have been surrounded by angels regularly. This I cannot doubt. I am so thankful for a Gospel that teaches us that we have a Father. That our Father hears us and answers our prayers. These boys have been my very greatest joy, my greatest inspiration, my biggest reason for carrying on when I certainly felt like giving up. I am eternally grateful to be their earthly mama, the one who gets to hug them and love them every day. I am so grateful.