The Holiday Family Struggle

I know that I am not alone in these thoughts, but Heaven knows I am going to talk about them because I'm me and my filter is still being worked on... 

When I started working at Kohl's however many years ago that was, I did Thanksgiving dinner at my house with my kids and that was that.

It was so nice.

I cooked what we wanted to eat.

The kids went and played in turkey bowls, slept, played games... whatever.

It was chill.

It was relaxing.

There was NO schedule.

I do NOT like to have people schedule my time or my kids time. 

That makes me feel very out of control of my own life and my own choices and I hate it.

Like, my anxiety is high right now.

My issue is probably slightly different, in that I am not married so I don't need to trek my children and I here and there and here and there and back to here then to there.

But, my parents are divorced.

Whether they admit it or not, they'd really like to see all of their children on the holidays.

This year, I was told that we are going to Salem for Thanksgiving.

Salem.

Salem, Utah.

To my Pops' parents' house.

In Salem, Utah.

I was told Pops had a hike planned for the children.

I was told that we have to be at Mom's by a certain time in order to be in Salem by a certain time in order to eat by a certain time.

And... stroke.

Seriously.

I talked to my boys about this a couple of nights ago.

Jackson has to work at 5:30 am on Black Friday.

I asked them how they felt about just doing our own thing at home with no schedule instead of going to Salem.

They poo-pooed that idea.

So, next week we are going to Salem... meeting every deadline... I will be faking it til I make it. I will be smiling when I feel like my anxiety is going to boil over and I'm going to be sick. Then I will end up sleeping the rest of my holiday weekend because I'm so damn stressed out about the whole thing.

But, my boys will be happy.

Mom, I love you. 

Don't take this personal!

It's just me and my own feelings and thoughts.

I am beginning to prepare myself for it now because it really is a nightmare.

On a happier note,

Happy Freaking Weekend!