The Joy They Bring

These boys have brought me joy since day one.

But, since their biggest cousin left for his two year vacation, they have been my saving grace(s)!!

They have been so sick, which makes them more cuddly.

I hate seeing them sick, but I am loving their snuggles.

These are the outfits we got them for Christmas.

Their shirts say, "Silly Brother, But I'm The Boss."

Yes they are!!

Sunday Snapshot

This Sunday Snapshot looks a LOT different than what the plan was!

These two loves are so sick.

So, Auntie helped their Daddy to care for them yesterday.

Thus, no Sunday Snapshot of Auntie with her own boys.

But, blessed regardless.

22 Months & 19 Months

Asher is 22 months old!

He is a cheese ball!

Asher is still so dang busy.

He loves to go through cupboards, sit in the cupboard with the crock pots, put his mouth on everything, and jabber. He doesn't say any words yet.

For Christmas he got a toilet plunger and brush, wooden spoons and a pool noodle.

He loves to watch his favorite movies, eat veggie sticks and crackers and spin around in circles for days.

Anson is 19 months old.

He is a smiley little love bug.

He loves to snuggle and Auntie loves it, too!

He is still a mama's boy, but his separation anxiety has gotten so much better!

He likes to copy his big brother.

Anson doesn't say any words either yet, but he makes lots of noise!

For Christmas he got wooden spoons, measuring cups and a pool noodle.

He was in Heaven! 

These babies are LIFE!

Their hugs and loves make the world go around.

I am SO grateful to be their auntie.

They have the best mommy and daddy.

I love these boys so big!

A Little Visit

On Sunday, after church, Braxton quietly drove us to the rest home.

We were all in our church clothes still.

Not really sure why we were pulling up to the rest home.

We went inside, following Braxton.

He asked for Ned Christensen.

She told us where to go.

I know that name from my boys.

Each Sunday, my boys have taken the Sacrament to Ned's home.

They have mowed his lawn for him.

They have gone to visit him, just because.

A couple of weeks ago, before Elder Jorgensen left, Braxton and he went to Ned's.

There was no answer.

They could see his walker.

They could see other things through the windows, but no Ned.

They were worried.

Braxton asked the bishop where he was and the bishop told him that he had been moved to a rest home.

Yesterday, Braxton felt it important that he visit him. That we all visit him.

The last time they saw him, he didn't recognize anyone but Braxton.

He was very lethargic, forgetful.

Yesterday, he recognized Braxton right away.

I came around in front of him and introduced myself as the boys' mom.

He immediately asked about Jackson and his mission.

It was pretty sweet.

I could tell that he loved my boys so much.

He asked them to go visit him more.

He said that he is happy to be safe in the rest home, where he has help.

He said that they bring him the Sacrament each Sunday.

He said that he gets to spend Christmas with his family.

And he asked us to tell Jackson "hello."

As we left, my heart was exploding.

 Literally exploding.

You know, when I was young I dreamed of being a full-time, stay-at-home mama.

I dreamed that we would go visit the lonely in rest homes every week.

I dreamed that we would go do good deeds everyday, me and my kids.

Literally.

I'm not a stay-at-home mama, although I am a full-time mom.

We don't go to the rest home every week.

We don't do all that I had dreamed of.

But these boys of mine do so much more!

I was so impressed that my 17 year old felt a need, and listened to that still small voice.

I was so impressed that my boys drove us to another house after the rest home to serve the Sacrament to another elderly person unable to leave their home.

I am beyond grateful for these boys.

I am beyond honored to be their mama!

Being Brave & Caffeine

T sent me this quote yesterday.

I was having an emotional day.

I feel like most of my days are emotional days!

But, this quote resonates so deeply with me!

It IS brave to feel emotion.

It IS brave to fight for your heart.

It IS brave to show up for each other.

It IS brave to forgive.

It IS brave to start over. (trust me, I'm an expert!)

It IS brave to love. (And, I love deeply and with all I have)

It IS brave to let go. 

It IS brave to not fit in.

It IS brave to dream.

It IS BRAVE to be me. And, it is brave to be you.

Don't ever apologize for being you! It lets the entire world down!

In other news, sometimes it takes a little caffeine to be brave enough to start the dang day!

Sometimes, Colton and I stop and get him a bit of coffee on the way to school.

It helps him so much to focus and to calm down before school starts.

This mama does what I need to do to help my children to succeed.

And, let's face it - Diet Coke is my best friend. So, there's that...

Christmas 2018

Rand came up on Saturday and picked me up to go Christmas shopping.

He spoils these boys like crazy.

They love him and he loves them.

We watched as they opened gifts on Saturday evening.

We ate a delicious dinner that the wonderful Stark Family brought for us.

We sat around and listened to them tell completely inappropriate stories.

We laughed.

They put together Legos.

It was perfect.

I'm so grateful for this time before Jackson is off.

Farewell

Jackson's talk in Church was yesterday.

My boys are great speakers.

Like, the best.

But he hit this one out of the park!!

He is funny, spiritual, real, raw, honest and SO ready!

His testimony is simple and powerful.

The people of Chile are SO blessed to have him.

He will love the people there and they will love him, I have no doubt.

We are SO thankful for everyone who came.

People traveled long distances and I am so thankful for our village.

Grandpa and Grandma Nef, Rand, Uncle and Auntie, Brandon and Carrie, Papa and Grandma, Pops and Nana, T and her entire family, Mommy Martha and her four kiddos, Bishop Baird, Ryan, Uncle Wayne and Aunt Francelle, Uncle Ron and Aunt Karlene, LeAnne Madsen, Kalynn, so many of Jackson's friends and past co-workers, Shanna and Andrew. 

Our ward.

And people who weren't there who have made an enormous difference.

Kelly and Karissa Kariger, the Stark Family, Grandma Tina (who was gracious to allow us to invade her home after she had a knee replacement and a funeral for her mama-in-law), my co-workers, Auntie Paula, and so many more.

Camille Krum stopped me after Sacrament Meeting and told me that this is tough, but that the blessings are unreal. Then she said, "Sometimes we have to look for the blessings in order to see them."

Isn't that the truth?

They were the exact words I needed to hear at that exact moment.

Braxton told me that even P was there. Of that, I have no doubt.

Tomorrow morning, he flies out to Mexico City.

We will look for the blessings and we will find joy in this next step in our journey!

Soaking It In

Jacks spent the weekend in Sandy with Nana and Pops. He and Pops went for a long walk in the way too cold weather. 

He loves his time with them. 

Doesn't he look so handsome?!

Yesterday, he took me to lunch. 

We got his second pair of glasses for him to take with him.

We just need a shoulder bag and this guy is ready to go.

He is anxious, nervous, excited...

I am sad and worried and anxious and nervous.

I'm sure that's normal.

Please tell me that it IS normal.

The Babies First Snow

Carrie posted these pictures of the babies yesterday.

It was their first time out in the snow.

How cute are these little snow babies?!?!

And, no one should be surprised that Asher is testing out the downspout with his mouth.

Ash has to "test" everything with his mouth!

And Anson is just used to it.

He just stands there and waits...

Decking the Tree

Yesterday, X-Man and I decorated the Christmas tree in the lobby.

It is a TALL tree. 

Like, really extra tall.

It took us a little over an hour-ish.

It's really beautiful.

We are quite delighted with the results.

I don't mind decorating for Christmas at all.

I just feel like I missed out on all of the fun last year.

It feels good to be involved with all of it this year!!

Cruz or Clutch

Grateful.

Thankful.

As I drove home last night, I was reminded in my heart and in my mind that P had everything ready.

He had everything ready for his kids.

He had everything ready monetarily.

He had everything in order.

And, he had everything ready for my kids and I.

He knew that Mr. Watkins and the guys would take care of the boys and I.

He knew that he was leaving us in good hands.

Yesterday, Mr. Watkins told me we were going on a field trip.

Braxton was at my office to get me.

So, B-money and I loaded in Mr. Watkins truck.

He talked to me for a minute about cars.

He told me he had a friend who sold cars.

Next thing I know, we are at a dealership with the nicest guy.

Clearly, Mr. Watkins had talked to this guy prior to us arriving.

Needless to say, we left with a four-door car.

Jackson was trying to name it last night. Either Cruz or Clutch.

Suddenly, Jackson wants to learn to drive a stick shift.

I've been trying to get him to learn for three years! Now he leaves in three weeks and wants to learn!

I am so grateful.

And, so grateful for all of those who thought of us and were willing to help.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

And, P... we are doing okay. Everything is going to be fine.

Thanks for staying close to me yesterday.

A Little Extra Thankful

This year, I am a little extra thankful.

Thankful that I am no longer in a wheelchair.

Thankful that my L.A. (left arm) is working and typing this post.

Thankful that I can pull my own hair back into a ponytail.

Thankful that I can get myself dressed.

Thankful that I am not in the hospital, looking at the world through a window.

Thankful that I am home. With my children.

Thankful for this team of five.

Thankful, and honored, to be their mama.

Thankful for their strength and courage and resilience and hard work.

Thankful for their devotion to their mama.

Thankful for their testimonies.

Thankful for the way they always surround me with love, just as they are in this picture.

Thankful that I can hold these babies.

Thankful that I am strong enough to watch them.

Thankful for their snuggles and kisses and giggles.

Thankful that I can pull them around the kitchen floor on a blanket.

Thankful that I can change their poopy diapers.

Thankful that I can feed them and wipe their tears.

Thankful to be their auntie.

Thankful to be a missionary mama.

20 days until this bubba of mine takes off on his new journey, his new classroom in life.

Thankful for his Priesthood.

Thankful for his worthiness.

Thankful for his example.

Thankful for his part and his role in our team of five.

Thankful that God entrusted him with me.

I am thankful for my role as a mother.

I am thankful for my role as an auntie.

I am thankful for my role on this Earth.

I am thankful that classrooms are repeatable.

I am thankful for my knowledge that God is real. I am thankful for my knowledge that His Son, Jesus Christ is my advocate, my Savior.

I am thankful for prayer. For peace. For comfort. For eyes to see and ears to hear.

I am thankful for my community, my village - which includes every single one of you.

Happy Thanksgiving.