Single Mom Gig - Dating

I have no doubt that y'all have been waiting for this one! Honestly Friends, this could take days to talk about.

First of all, dating is SO different when you are 40. Dating is so different when you are a parent. Dating is so different when you work full-time, have four babes to care for, a house to manage, and a life to live. Dating is so different at this time, with social media and phones and all of the electronic crap. Dating is so different at this time with all of the evils that surround us. Dating is kind of a big, fat joke!

I get asked all kinds of questions about dating, so let's focus one-by-one:

1. How do you meet people?
Okay, People. I work full-time. I sit in my office, working on my computer. I am raising four teenage boys. I go to the gym - where I sort of demand not to talk to anyone. That's my life. So, how do I meet people? Online. Online "dating" is really something. First of all, 98% of the people on there are simply looking for a hookup, a screw, someone to bang. I'm not kidding. You never know if the person you are "talking" to is married, divorced, a felon... you can put whatever you want to put on that dang profile and unless you have a private investigator at your finger tips, you're going in blind. They post one picture and you meet them and realize they are clearly chronic liars.

My boys asked me a few weeks ago to stop online dating. I promised them I would. I deactivated the two accounts that I had. For some reason, my profile stays up, but they are deleted.

2. What do your boys think about you dating?
My boys are like most kids who have a single mama, I would think. My boys tell me often that they want me to date and be happy and find a nice, NORMAL guy. Normal would be the key word there. It isn't a thing! My boys are at an age where I do tell them that I am going on a date. I think that they need to know that. I answer the questions they ask me. I think they deserve to know the things that are on their mind. Men don't come to our door. If they "pick me up" then it is done at the entrance of our complex. My boys don't need to see men coming and going and it's not like that anyways. I try to go on lunch dates so that it in no way effects my children. I also try to go on dates when they all have plans elsewhere with friends, etc. Wednesday nights are a free night for me to go on a date because they have mutual. I definitely try to plan dating around their schedules so that when they are home, mama is home. Regardless, I always go home and fix them dinner, make sure they had good days and homework is good. They are my priority and they need to always be reminded of that.

3. Like, why Heidi?
Because I have faith that there is a companion for me on this earth. Because I want that. Because I'm not giving up on that.
We've talked about counseling. Thanks the Lord for counseling. My counselor is amazing. Like, awesome-sauce amazing! Last time we met, we talked mostly about all of this. He said, "Heidi. I want you to date. I want you to date and not hunt. I want you to go on dates and enjoy them. Have fun. Don't automatically, in your head, start telling yourself what's good and what's bad and decide if they are step-father material. Just date. Start dating and stop hunting."
That has helped a lot. For some reason, I hand my heart over like first date. Why do I do that?!?! It's not their's to have! Miss B has been working on this with me. They don't get to have my heart on date one! They don't get my heart for like three months!

So... dating. It's kind of a joke that sometimes funny and sometimes not.
So... me. I am proud of myself. I'm not where I need to be, but I am getting better. I am getting better at blocking phone numbers, blocking people period. I am getting better at knowing what I want and what I won't settle for.
So... my boys. They have their mama. We do this life together. It's a sometimes tough life, a sometimes hilarious life, a sometimes maddening life, but an always beautiful life.

Personal Body Guards

Last night, after the boys went to mutual, K came and picked me up for a motorcycle ride. I'm slightly obsessed with his motorcycle and going for rides. I had an extremely stressful day and it's been one of those weeks where I just feel like I am crushed by the weight. We rode off in to the most beautiful sunset, and to get some frozen yogurt. Heaven.

When I returned, literally one hour later, this is what I saw at the top of the stairs. I could not stop laughing. Look at them!!

If a girl has got to have bodyguards... these are the ones to have! How cute are they?!?! I asked them when they got home from mutual. There was no mutual. The leaders just took them to get ice cream, so they got home about five minutes before me. Can you even stand the cuteness of these boys of mine?!

Brandon called me yesterday to say that Jackson was worried about me dating and wanting me to by home. I talked to Jackson about it last night. Sweet Boy said that he likes that I'm dating and that it's really important, but that they are just so sick of seeing me get hurt by dirt bags. Amen, Jacks! I normally go on 2-3 dates a week, and try to go on lunch dates so it doesn't effect my boys. They like to hear all of the details about everything. And, to a point, I completely oblige. I think they are at an age where, if they are asking the questions, they really do want to know and that once they have the answers, they are able to worry less.

How blessed am I?!?!

Dating

Last night, while I was working, a lady came in. She was with her daughter, who I would guess is around 8 years old. This sweet lady told me that she had been asked on a date. She said that she needed help because she didn't know what people wear on dates anymore. She was dressed in a pair of jeans that was several sizes too big for her. She also wore a Star Wars t-shirt with a very large fleece jacket, eye glasses, and her hair down in her face. I told her that I knew just how she felt. I remembered the fear of dating. Once you've been married, and had kids, dating again is terrifying. It's weird. It's not natural. It doesn't feel right and the anxiety that comes along with it is intense.

I immediately felt bonded to Sweet Lady. I asked her if she just wanted a top. She said that she probably needed everything. We immediately began. We found a couple of tops and a couple of pairs of jeans. Then we headed to the fitting room. She began to light up, having so much fun trying on clothes. After a couple of minutes, she asked if I thought she should take her eye glasses off for the date. I asked her to show me what that would look like. Oh my gosh... gorgeous!!

We found the perfect outfit for her. She asked if she needed earrings. I grabbed some earrings. She was set! She came out of the fitting room and hugged me, crying. She thanked me for helping her. In reality, she helped me! To spend my time making someone feel the beauty that they are was a blessing.

It made me think of my first date with Josh. We met in the Layton Hills Mall parking lot and drove to Baskin Robbins in Layton. Brooklyn was with us. We had some ice cream, then drove back to the parking lot. I remember being so nervous. I am pretty sure I wore levi capris and a V-neck t-shirt. Nothing special, really. But, I remember the nerves!

I so hope that Sweet Lady has the best time on her date. More importantly, I hope that she feels as beautiful as she is when she gets dressed and walks out of the house!!!