First of all, dating is SO different when you are 40. Dating is so different when you are a parent. Dating is so different when you work full-time, have four babes to care for, a house to manage, and a life to live. Dating is so different at this time, with social media and phones and all of the electronic crap. Dating is so different at this time with all of the evils that surround us. Dating is kind of a big, fat joke!
I get asked all kinds of questions about dating, so let's focus one-by-one:
1. How do you meet people?
Okay, People. I work full-time. I sit in my office, working on my computer. I am raising four teenage boys. I go to the gym - where I sort of demand not to talk to anyone. That's my life. So, how do I meet people? Online. Online "dating" is really something. First of all, 98% of the people on there are simply looking for a hookup, a screw, someone to bang. I'm not kidding. You never know if the person you are "talking" to is married, divorced, a felon... you can put whatever you want to put on that dang profile and unless you have a private investigator at your finger tips, you're going in blind. They post one picture and you meet them and realize they are clearly chronic liars.
My boys asked me a few weeks ago to stop online dating. I promised them I would. I deactivated the two accounts that I had. For some reason, my profile stays up, but they are deleted.
2. What do your boys think about you dating?
My boys are like most kids who have a single mama, I would think. My boys tell me often that they want me to date and be happy and find a nice, NORMAL guy. Normal would be the key word there. It isn't a thing! My boys are at an age where I do tell them that I am going on a date. I think that they need to know that. I answer the questions they ask me. I think they deserve to know the things that are on their mind. Men don't come to our door. If they "pick me up" then it is done at the entrance of our complex. My boys don't need to see men coming and going and it's not like that anyways. I try to go on lunch dates so that it in no way effects my children. I also try to go on dates when they all have plans elsewhere with friends, etc. Wednesday nights are a free night for me to go on a date because they have mutual. I definitely try to plan dating around their schedules so that when they are home, mama is home. Regardless, I always go home and fix them dinner, make sure they had good days and homework is good. They are my priority and they need to always be reminded of that.
3. Like, why Heidi?
Because I have faith that there is a companion for me on this earth. Because I want that. Because I'm not giving up on that.
We've talked about counseling. Thanks the Lord for counseling. My counselor is amazing. Like, awesome-sauce amazing! Last time we met, we talked mostly about all of this. He said, "Heidi. I want you to date. I want you to date and not hunt. I want you to go on dates and enjoy them. Have fun. Don't automatically, in your head, start telling yourself what's good and what's bad and decide if they are step-father material. Just date. Start dating and stop hunting."
That has helped a lot. For some reason, I hand my heart over like first date. Why do I do that?!?! It's not their's to have! Miss B has been working on this with me. They don't get to have my heart on date one! They don't get my heart for like three months!
So... dating. It's kind of a joke that sometimes funny and sometimes not.
So... me. I am proud of myself. I'm not where I need to be, but I am getting better. I am getting better at blocking phone numbers, blocking people period. I am getting better at knowing what I want and what I won't settle for.
So... my boys. They have their mama. We do this life together. It's a sometimes tough life, a sometimes hilarious life, a sometimes maddening life, but an always beautiful life.
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