Mother's Day & Babies

What a great weekend!

Friday, Braxton texted me and asked me if he could get us Mom & Son tattoos.

Okay!
I've wanted to get one on my left arm since the stroke!

I did it!
Mine is Tibetan for "Believe."

It fits me perfect!

Braxton says "Survivor."

I was so brave, Yo!

Mother's Day weekend was busy, but so good!

Saturday, we had dinner with Matt's mom and stepdad, visited the twins at the hospital and took Colton to get ice cream when Kaydon was working!!

Sunday, Matt made the most delicious breakfast!!!

My little mini-me and I went on a walk to the store.

And, Jackson called twice!!!

I love that boy so much! 

The twins are getting there... Dante is sick again, but not as sick as he was before.

Lily just wanted Uncle Matt snuggles.

It melted my heart.
We were able to go and kick Ashlee out for a few hours.

Dante struggled a bit and I was SO THANKFUL for my experience with my sick babies.

I was able to intelligently convey my worries to the nurse and she worked WITH me to help him.

I was very impressed with their nurse that day!

I pray that they will continue to get stronger and be able to get home soon!

Mama

For 19 1/2 years, I have had the title of "Mama."

"Mom," "Mommy," "Maaaa," have also been mentioned in that time.

Jackson, Braxton, Kaydon and Colton have all called me by that title for my entire adult life.

It's the greatest honor to have that name.

I always knew I'd be a mom.

It was all I ever wanted in life.

I wanted to have kids.

I wanted to be married and have a big, happy family.

I wanted to be the very best mama that ever walked this planet.

I had dreams of going to rest homes weekly, where we would sing to the lonely people and make crafts.

I wanted to be PTA President and Room Mother in all of my boys' classes.

I wanted to make cookies or brownies or truffles each day for my kids to snack on after school.

I wanted to have lots of animals for them to teach and train and love.

I wanted to have a white picket fence and a big, wrap-around porch.

In the end, I got my wish of being a mama.

And I have been so blessed to be called mama by these four warriors.

No wrap-around porch.

Only one dog.

Only a couple of visits to rest homes, with zero singing.

Cookies and brownies and cake pops on the weekends.

No PTA President or Room Mother.

Instead, WORKING mother.

Single mother.

Always working more than one job.

Singing in the car, rather than rest homes.

Doing everything in my power just to make it to school meetings and appointments... with no chance of being there as room mother, or even volunteer.

Making sure my children know the value of service and teaching them to shovel walks and help with yards and hold doors open and smile and ask people how they are... making sure that we give when we can because we have been helped so much.

Teaching my children work ethic and the lack of entitlement... rather than doing it all for them before they get home from school.

Raising independent, kind and loyal children.

Laughing at dumb jokes and silly movies.

Hiking in mountains.

Eating snow cones and ice cream.

Sitting through hundreds of doctor appointments.

Writing love notes to one another.

Crying with one another for hours on end.

Loving one another.

That is me as a mama.

And, I'm so blessed.

I have had a village, no doubt.

My children are loved by their grandmothers: Nana, Grandma, Grandma Jayne, Great Grandma Nef and Great Grandma Robb, Grandma Sue and Grandma Tina

My children are loved by their aunties: Aunt Carrie, Aunt Tif, Auntie T

My children are loved by women who love me: LaLa, KayKay, Becky Beck and countless others.

My children have had strong, brave, loving women in their lives who have loved them like their own. Without those women, I would have failed.

Happy Mother's Day to all WOMEN.

Mothers, Grandmothers, Angel Mothers, Aunties, Neighbors, Teachers, Nurses, Bus Drivers, Single Mothers, Divorced Mothers, Adoptive Mothers, Mothers who lovingly placed their babies with mothers, Bonus Mothers... 

You are seen. You are heard. You are loved.

Mother's Day 2018

I had a really delightful weekend.

Friday night, Phil took the boy and I to dinner and then to the Avenger's movie. I have no idea what the movie is about. What I do know is that Thor and Captain America are in it. For that reason, and really that reason alone, I give that movie five stars! Oh, and Phil got me popcorn. Win win.

Saturday morning, I made cookies. I love to make cookies. All kinds of cookies. They are delicious and always made with love and gratitude because there was a time when I couldn't make them by myself. Now I can and I knock it out of the park! Then Phil and I drove to Brandon and Carrie's. They weren't home, but the babies were and they were there with two babysitters. The babes were pretty sad. So each of us took one, soothed them and put them down for naps. My heart broke a little when they were crying! I love those babes to the moon and back. Afterwards, we headed down to Sandy and took Mom and Pops to a late lunch/early dinner at Cafe Rio. Pops and Phil are like best buds... they totally get each other and they make me laugh out loud... loudly! Then, Phil took me to Draper. Have you been to Last Course?? Go! It's so quaint and delicious. It's such a fun place to get dessert! We went home and we played games.

Sunday morning, I woke up with a numb left hand and unable to make a fist. My face also drooped for several hours. I didn't feel sick or dizzy, so I laid down for eight hours. I missed my Jackson speaking and my boys singing in Sacrament Meeting. My heart broke into a thousand pieces. Jackson did read me his talk last night, but it was a moment I will never get back and I felt so sad. My boys spoiled me rotten. Jackson got me ice cream cupcakes and an ice cream cake. Colton got me a card that EVERYONE had to sign! Kaydon got me caffeine free Diet Coke and the most thoughtful card. Braxton took out garbage and made sure I was okay all day long. Phil brought be beautiful yellow roses and baby's breath. They are gorgeous. He also brought me a few Diet Cokes. The boys brought home a plant from church as well.

I am immensely grateful to be a mama. In particular, a mama to these children. Oh, the blessings they are in my life!

Mother's Day Thoughts

I love Mother's Day.

Often times, my Grandma Robb's birthday would fall on Mother's Day. This always seemed so fitting. She was born to be a mother and grandmother on Earth. It was truly her calling and she exemplified this role.

My Grandma Nef's birthday is also in May. Grandma Nef and I have grown so close over the last few years and especially recently. I am positive that I got my organization and go-get 'em attitude and work ethic from her.

My mama and I are super close now. Growing up as mom and daughter had its ups and downs. We do not always see eye-to-eye, but the love we have for each other is fierce.

I am a mother. I always wanted to be a mother. When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer was always "a mother." I wanted lots of kids. Lots. I dreamed of being a stay-at-home mom and homemaker. I pictured myself taking my kids to serve at nursing homes and in the neighborhood. I wanted to teach, train and direct my kids to be the best humans possible. Life didn't turn out the way I envisioned. However, I did have four babies and they are some of the greatest humans I know. I fail each and every single day. Some days, the failures are enormous. Some days, the failures are only in my head. Most days, I feel like I have let my children down in so many ways. Everyday I get up and try again.

My children are the reason I keep going quite honestly. When I had my stroke, my children were the single most important reason I had to get up early everyday and push as hard as I possibly could. I wanted so badly to be home with them for Christmas. I wanted so badly to one day be strong and self-reliant in order to help them be the same. I wanted to make them proud. I wanted them to be confident in my ability to heal and recover and, in fact, to soar and to rise above all of it. They have walked with me, carried me, loved me and been my biggest cheerleaders throughout every ordeal over the past 18 years.

I am immensely blessed to be their mother. I love Jackson, Braxton, Kaydon and Colton with every fiber of my being.

Mother's Day

This picture has both of my moms, my living grandma, AND Mommy Martha in it! How lucky of me that I have this picture!

I am so blessed to have two moms. My kids are so blessed to have a Grandma and a Nana. I am so blessed to have had the most beautiful grandma for 22 years of my life, and I am so blessed to still have my beautiful Grandma Nef. We have become so much closer over the last few years. My kids are so blessed to have so many memories with Grandma Nef! I wish they had known their Great Grandma Robb, but all of my kids talk about how they feel her and see her so often on this earth. I know the veil is thin for them when they need Heavenly angels.

I love both of my moms. They are very different and have different talents, strengths and gifts. They are always kind and gracious with one another, always meeting each other with a hug and a smile. I am so grateful that my boys see that relationship between them. I am so grateful that my boys are also so close to both of them. Even as teenagers, they ask to see them often. They crave that time with them. They learn from them, they find comfort in them, they love them so much. I do, too.

Oh, how we miss Mommy Martha! We used to see her pretty much every day! Over the last year, we just haven't. My kids love her. They trust her. They know that she loves them and that has been such a blessing in their lives. She is the best mommy to her four little ones.

And, finally. How blessed am I to be a mama?! I always wanted to be a mommy... the best mommy. I am certainly not the best mommy, I'm not even a great mommy, but I try. My boys are my greatest blessings. They are strong, resilient, and funny as heck! They are also very sensitive, have been very broken, and need the comforting of their mama often... probably far more often than your average teenage boy. They still climb in my bed and cry. They have strong emotions. They love so hard. They trust very few. They are fun and funny and kind and helpful. They are independent little creatures. I am so proud of them. I'm so grateful to be able to celebrate Mother's Day with them each and every year.

Oh, and one more thing. Being an auntie is the best.

Happy Mother's Day to those who have children, those who want to have children, those who don't have children on this earth... you are all mothers.

Celebrating Moms!

I made sure that this weekend was about celebrating me. If I don't, who is going to?!?! :)

My boys and I went to breakfast Saturday morning, then to see Captain America. He is delicious. I was completely content looking at his face for two and a half hours. Who knows what the plot was or who the other characters were?! Who cares?! Then we went to Kohl's and got Colton some shoes. That boy and his shoes!

Sunday morning, I woke up to breakfast in bed. They totally spelled "mom" with apples. It made me cry. The boys and I watched movies and played Monopoly. It was Heaven.

Saturday night, Josh brought Brooklyn over to give me a card. It was really touching for me because I have been a little emotional about not seeing her for the first time in six years on Mother's Day. I appreciated him bringing her over. She wanted to rub my shoulders and have me hold her. She is getting so big and so smart and so sassy! She'll always have a huge place in my heart. I will forever love her. She'll always be my girl.

He also came Sunday night and made dinner. He has signed the papers and I am waiting for the fee waiver from the courts. Once I have that approved, I can turn in his signed papers. I am grateful that he wanted to make me dinner for Mother's Day. I hope we can always be friends and that I can have a forgiving heart - I have a ways to go on that.

My boys are my everything. They are my joy. They are my protectors, my comic relief, my gentlemen, my stress :), my reason that I work so hard every single day. I love them so much and I am so grateful that I was chosen to be their mama.