Just Sit With It

Yesterday was a rough one for me, Guys.

I woke up late, because I got to sleep in!

I immediately felt my chest in the throws of anxiety and depression.

It's a familiar feeling... one that I have had far too many times in the past.

My go-to was always to message a dude... for real.

If I could talk to a dude, then I was positive those feelings would go away.

I'm an addict, remember?!

Well, I didn't message a dude.

I sat with it.

I made breakfast.

I cleaned the kitchen.

Then, I went and took a nap.

I woke up with the same feeling.

Those familiar associates of mine - Depression and Anxiety - were lingering still.

I made lunch and went outside to read my book.

I took Doby with me.

I read and I sat in the wind and the rain.

Lila brought dinner over.

I ate.

Then I messaged my sponsors and told them where I was at and what I was feeling.

I was learning to sit with it.

Because these are NORMAL human feelings! NORMAL humans have these feelings all the time!

It's okay to sit with them and feel them and just be.

It's okay!!

I did my laundry and took some medicine and laid down in my bed, with my window open while I watched and listened to the huge rainstorm. 

I did three guided meditations.

I tried to protect my brain from the fireworks.

It didn't work so well.

But, I survived.

I survived it all!

All the normal-ness of those two associates who decided to stay for the entire day.

I wasn't defeated. I wasn't broken. I just was.

Kaydon sent me this picture of a baby rattler while on his hike.

Heidi OUT!

From my reading yesterday in "Eat Love Pray":

In Venice in the Middle Ages there was once a profession for a man called a codega - a fellow you hired to walk in front of you at night with a lit lantern, showing you the way, scaring off thieves and demons, bringing you confidence and protection through the dark streets..."

I think we have a Codega in the form of a Savior that walks in front of us at all times.