Single Mom Gig - Gosh, I'm Thankful!

This has been a great year for my little family.

I have four amazing boys!
We only had one surgery this whole year!
We welcomed Asher and Anson and got to be at the sealing!!
Grandma and Grandpa Nef came for visits and were of course there for ordinations!
Nana is in complete remission from her cancer! She's badass!!
Boys got to spend time with Papa and Grandma!
Boys got to go camping together - the four of them!
Mama is strong and healthy!
P got his angel wings and we continue to learn from him!
Mama has the best job with the best guys!
We got to spend lots of time with Uncle Logan when he came to visit!
We got to spend lots of time with Pops and Nana this year!
Two Patriarchal Blessings!
We have been blessed with Randy in our lives!
We have an amazing ward and the best bishop in the land!
I finished the Book of Mormon, then started it again!
We are so blessed every day with love and strength and faith over fear. We continue to choose joy on this crazy journey because the alternative sucks! I am so thankful that we will be able to spend Thanksgiving with people we love.

Just Thankful, I Suppose

Last Thursday I made our Thanksgiving dinner. I am thankful to our ward for the food they supplied for us to have a Thanksgiving dinner. I am thankful for the appliances we have to be able to cook the food. I am thankful that my children were with me on Thanksgiving. I am thankful for our dishes and silverware, the hot water in our apartment, the power, the furniture, and the food. I am thankful for the clothes we have to wear, the blankets we have to keep us warm, and the beds and pillows we have to keep us cozy at night.

After dinner, I headed to work for a very long shift. I am thankful for my coworkers at both of my jobs. They make me feel special and valued. They make me laugh. They hug me, uplift me, and allow me to be me.

I am thankful that I was able to have an amazing lunch with Leanne and Paula from the College on Friday. I love them so much. That was a very wonderful eight years of my life. I met such good people - people I will love forever. I learned so much there about myself, work ethic, skills I would need, and love.

I am thankful for the time I have had to spend with Brooklyn and the baby. We had them a couple of times over the weekend. It turns out that this is hurting my boys and so we will no longer be doing it, but I love both of them. I pray that they will have peace and comfort and the knowledge that the love for them is seen and unseen and that there are angels surrounding them at all times. I pray they will know that none of this is their fault and that they are so special.

I am thankful for our ward. I am thankful for their love, support, and hugs. I am thankful for our Bishop and the Young Men's leaders.

I am thankful for my family. Because of my choices, they have experienced heartache, pain, frustration, and disappointment. I have learned I will never be able to make that better or make that go away.

I am thankful for our trials. This is not the life I thought I would live. This is not how I pictured my life. I always desperately wanted to have an eternal companion who loved me. That isn't in the plan for me, I guess. I have four beautiful children who have been affected by my choices. For that, I will always be so sorry. I work a lot of hours each week to support us and do my best to teach and train them to do the right things.

Sometimes, like today and this week and the past few weeks and this year, I am emotionally exhausted. I am drained. I have nothing left in the gas tank, but I am required (as we all are) to continue on, to keep going. So, that's what we do.

Thankful! - My Co-workers

I have been so blessed with the most amazing teams surrounding me at both of my jobs. My guys at OC are simply amazing. They are protective, loving, kind, supportive, funny, and warm. They treat me like a queen and I feel it. My people at Kohl's are simply amazing as well. Every time I walk in those doors, I am greeted with hugs and loves and smiles and laughter. I could not do this life without these people who I often spend more time with than I spend with my children. I am so blessed.

Thankful! - Boogie

Colton Walter Jorgensen. My Boogie. You were very, very early coming to this world. You stayed in the NICU for three weeks and then came home to crazy town! You completed my group of four perfectly. Nana and Papa got up with you most nights because I had Kaydon all night. You are very close to Nana and always have been. Autism, ADHD, Anxiety, and learning disabilities make your life a little interesting, a little difficult, a little awesome. You always tell people that they are pretty and that they are your friend. You love to play games on your Kindle and on the phone. You love to play board games, too. You love to do Lego's and play with friends on the swings.

You love Church and mutual. You always ask to say the prayer at family prayer and at meals. You love to talk to Heavenly Father. You love to make pancakes and French toast and you're pretty dang good at it! You love to ride bikes and scooters. You love life, and it's refreshing. We love you so much, Boogie!

Thankful! - Buddha

Kaydon Trask Jorgensen. My Buddha. My miracle boy. You had such a hard first four years of your life. You spent most of your time on the 4th floor at Primary Children's. When you were home, you were hooked up to machines and constantly monitored. You were the reason I was always interested in nursing growing up, I suppose. I was able to care for you in a very personal manner. I loved making sure you were comfortable and being your advocate always. You were always a fighter, and continue to be. Your imagination is one of my favorite things about you. You are so creative and always wanting to create and recreate things. You are a great brother to Colton. You are the one who will sit and play games with him and keep him busy. You love movies and games. You, too, are so sensitive. You will come and lay in bed with Mom and just talk to me about things that are hard.

You are so, so close to Heavenly Father. You are always wanting to do what you can to feel the Spirit. You love to serve and are loving the time you spend with Bert each day after school to help him with what he needs. You are so compassionate and empathetic. I love that about you. You love being around family. It's your favorite things. You are the only one who makes your bed before school every morning... thank you! You are protective of Mom and are constantly telling me that you love me. Oh, how I love you Buddha!

Thankful! - Peanut

Braxton Dean Jorgensen. My Peanut. I am so thankful for this little munchkin. You were the best baby. You were my easiest labor and delivery. You were the only one I was able to nurse at all, really. You were the cutest baby. Your cheeks went on forever. Your eyes were always so big. You were bald for quite some time. You had this thing with having your binkie upside down and dragging your blankie behind you. You always had an arched eyebrow. Seriously, you made people laugh all the time. We had an exersaucer. You broke it by jamming out in it. So funny!

Brax, you are such a good worker. You can fix anything. You are the one we call on when something is not working or needs to be fixed or replaced. You can figure anything out. You are good with computers and technology. You are also sensitive and emotional. You get very quiet when things are tough. You give the sweetest prayers. You always thank Heavenly Father for our trials. I have learned so much from that. You are the best workout partner ever! I love that you go with me. You have some physical challenges. You seem to be easily injured, and it's starting to effect you. You get frustrated and a little down that you are always sore and injured. You respect and honor your Priesthood duties and I am so proud of that in all of you! You, like all of your brothers, take care of your mama. You tuck me in, you get upset when I cry, you are very protective. You love that Brooklyn. You've always had a very special bond with her. You are going to do amazing things, Peanut. Mommy loves you so much!

Thankful! - Bubba

Jackson Neal Jorgensen. My first born. Oh, how I love you. You were a colicky baby and cried A LOT. You hated the car. A LOT. You always had tummy aches, but you loved being held. You liked the swing. You liked the front carrier. You liked your nana and your papa. You liked the stroller...sometimes. You have those blue eyes that go on forever. You are so sensitive to everything. Your relationship with Heavenly Father is noteworthy. You are so close to those on the other side of the veil. You are smart, organized, neat, and tidy. You have always felt like you needed to be an adult because for most of your life, you've been the "man of the house." You feel like you need to take care of things that mom can't. You are a good, loyal, loving, caring friend. You love your friends so much. You are an amazing brother, grandson, nephew, and son. You take your Priesthood duties seriously. You love your little sister, Brooklyn. You always will. And, she loves you. You love Goober. And, you always will. He loves you too. You have been hurt so many times, but you get back up and you learn and you love.

I cannot imagine my life without you. I know that you were handpicked for me, and I for you. You are going to continue to do amazing things in this life, Bubba. You are so amazing in every way. I am so proud of you and I love you more than you'll ever know.

Thankful! - Josh's Kids

Yes, I am indeed thankful for Josh's kids. Brooklyn was my own for six years. She was my girl. I bathed her, helped to potty train her, did homework with her, colored with her, read with her, did her hair, picked out her clothes, comforted her when she cried, had girls' days and nights with her, painted her nails, cooked with her, sang to her, rocked her... She was my daughter, too. And, oh how I miss her. I will love her forever. I will love her for always. My baby girl she will always be.

Treyvan, who I call Goober, is the happiest and sweetest baby. His smile can make anyone's day better. He is content and loving. He is getting so big and the boys and I call him "chunky monkey." We love him, too.

My mom had one request of me for the last two weeks - for me to bring Brooklyn and the baby down for her to see. So, I texted Josh and asked if I could do that. He obliged. My mom's face lit up when she saw them. She got loved on and kissed. She was so happy for them to be there. They healed a part of her heart on Saturday. After a long nap, mom was sitting up and behaving much more like mom. She just wanted to be near the kids.

I am so thankful we were able to do that for her. Chemo starts today. It's time to fight!

Thankful! - Rock & Jaker

These guys, though. Rock, on your left has been just that - my rock. He still texts me every day to see how I'm doing and ask what I need. He is almost always the one I text when I am in the middle of sobbing uncontrollably. He comes to my office every day to check on me. He has been my constant and my foundation when things have been very bad for me. He constantly reminds me that I can do hard things, and that all I have to do is look over my shoulder and I'll see my guys standing right there - holding me up. And, it's so true.

Jaker, on your right, is just the sweetest, most humble guy ever. He retired a couple of months ago and oh, how I miss him. He texts me to tell me he loves me frequently and asks how I am doing. Last year, he handed me an envelope - then HE cried. I opened it up and cried right along with him. He had the guys in Streets put money together for me to buy some Christmas. He is just my great big teddy bear.

I am so lucky to have all these guys in my life who love me just how I am and who make sure that I have what I need to keep going. I am so blessed to be surrounded with so much love!