Our Trial and Triumph - A Week of Blessings

1. We are moved in!
2. Humility
3. Little black boys who come to my front door and say, "Da big boys pus us on da sings. Peas!!"
4. Holding babies
5. The new ward's scout master coming to meet my boys
6. Snow cones
7. Miss B Beck (how did I get so lucky to have her as a friend?)
8. Loving on Aunt Lois
9. Grandpa Nef's hugs and kisses
10. People who take time with Colton to get to know him and love him

11. P and his boys
12. New pillows
13. Miss Tonya bringing dinner
14. Carrie bringing dinner
15. Hot water (trust me, it's WAAAY better than ice cold water)
16. Working AC
17. Ryan
18. Ability to pay bills and buy groceries
19. Sunshine
20. Movies in bed with my boys

Growth

Looking back, I have always felt that one thing, and one thing only, would bring me happiness - a man. A husband. Heavenly Father has shown me otherwise over the past few weeks. I was sitting at Lagoon with my boys and I suddenly thought to myself, "I am SO happy. I feel so much joy." I felt real joy. Perhaps joy I have never felt. I felt content with my life and with my circumstances. When I was at Layton Days with my boys, I had that same feeling come upon me. "I am SO happy. I feel so much joy."

As I have gone through each divorce, I have felt negative emotions. This one has been the very hardest, in a real painful, sad way. Josh was my love. He was who I truly felt I would spend eternity with. He was my best friend. This hurt. In the past, I would look at other families, other couples, and feel such pain and such sadness. I would quietly wonder why I couldn't have that. I don't feel that way anymore. I look at my family and think about how blessed I am. I feel successfully independent. I feel strong. I feel joy. Yes, I feel exhaustion at a whole new level. I feel stressed out to the max about how things are going to work out each month financially. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders when it comes to raising my boys to be stalwart young men, full of integrity. But, I feel so much joy. I feel so much happiness. I feel content. I feel so blessed. And, I feel proud of myself (but not in a prideful way).

I see this picture of myself from last week, and I see that I am growing. I am finding strength and joy. Heavenly Father is teaching me and I am finally listening and allowing myself to be teachable. Finally.

Today, I choose joy.

Friday's Favorite Things

I am going to post about some of my favorite things on Fridays for a while. Seems like a fun idea!

Today, I am posting about makeup. I am not a makeup kind of girl. I used to be! When I was in junior high and high school, I used to wear foundation, powder (different colors of each of course), then more foundation and more powder. It was not a good look, but the acne sure loved it! Nowadays, I just wear eye shadow, blush, and mascara. Well, for quite some time I have pulled out my eye lashes - like pulled them ALL out. It's a nervous/anxious/depressed/stressed out thing that I do and it's painful and it looks terrible. It is something that makes me so self-conscious.

Recently, Sweet Miss T sent me some Younique 3D mascara. YES to the YES PLEASE! This stuff is absolutely amazing.

First of all, it makes my lashes look amazing. Secondly, I no longer pull my eye lashes out. It has made me feel so much better about my appearance. I also LOVE the eyeliner. Eyeliner is something else I have NEVER used. I love it. Love it.

So, now that I have discussed my favorite makeup and how much I love it - go and get yourself some! Miss T is so great. She is beautiful on the inside and out and she will make you feel the same! https://www.facebook.com/teresa.asiedu?fref=nf

Layton Days

Jackson is in Sandy this week and so the boys and I are virtually home-bound which is not awesome. FYI. So, we decided to walk to Layton Days on the 4th. It was a mile walk to the park and we enjoyed a snow cone and walked around and looked at the vendors booths. They got to pet a lizard type thing. I stood back as far as I possibly could. Those are not safe! I have watched those shows where they eat their owners! Unsafe!

A Wee Little Break

I made a bad decision on Sunday. After a year of trials and tribulations and a week of tears and exhaustion - I told the boys we were going to Lagoon for the day. And we did. They swam and rode rides and played and laughed. I sat, except when I was laying down, but mostly I just sat. I drank my Diet Coke and ate my watermelon. It was just what we needed - a wee little break.

Nef Family Reunion

My mama did an amazing job planning and pulling off a huge family reunion! Of course, I only care about pictures that pertain to me and my boys! The food was delicious. The company was amazing. I found a baby who let me hold him for most of the time! My boys had fun with Uncle and Auntie and Grandma and Grandpa. I got to love on Aunt Lois. It was perfect!

Having a Hard Time

Dear God-

Monday night, I brought my boys together (who were emotional, angry, sad, scared, tired, confused, broken) and I offered a prayer. I told you that we were having a hard time, that we were tired, that we were broken. I also told you that we were thankful - for each other, for our love for each other, for the people who love us and support us, for the fact that we have somewhere to go and won't need to go to the Women's Shelter. I asked you to comfort my children, to give us the energy we need to move again, to give us the motivation to get this done and to get it done timely. I asked you to protect us, to help us to sleep at night. Then, the boys all crawled in to bed with me. Kaydon said, "Mom, we are so rich in some ways." I told him that indeed we are. Our lives have been turned upside down over and over and over and over again, but we have always had each other - the five of us. We have just what we need.

We moved to Layton yesterday. It's our new home, our new normal. We will plant seeds here, as we have every place we have been. We will try our best every day, just as we have every day.

Please be with us, Father. Please help us to feel you there with us. Please surround us with angels. Please bless us with what we need.

Love,

Heidi