Single Mom Gig - Kitchen Cabinets

As a single mom of four boys, I have always done everything in my power to ensure that they talk to me about everything. I want them to always feel comfortable coming to me to talk to me about anything at all. I have always felt that ensuring an open and honest line of communication with them is imperative. About a year ago, I had a heart-to-heart with our bishop. He explained to me that there are some things my boys don't want to talk to me about because they are so protective of my heart and my feelings. They don't want to tell me things that are going to hurt me or make me sad. As I spoke to my children, this was indeed the case. When they need to talk about their feelings due to things that have happened in the past, they held it in because they didn't want to hurt me. So, I explained to them that we need to always have a couple of people in our life who we trust to love us, tell us the truth, and help us through our trials. My boys have mostly clung to my brothers and their grandpas. They have also had amazing bishops and young men's leaders the last few years who they trust and have confided in. We have been so blessed to be surrounded by people who love my boys like their own.

Recently, though, something changed. Braxton started dating Cam. He started spending time at her house. During the summer, he would take Kaydon and Colton over with him. I began hearing about "Mama V." This was Cam's mom and my boys love her. A lot. Braxton started confiding in her and talking to her about his feelings, his trials, his fears, his triumphs. He spends a lot of time with her. This broke my heart. It was one thing for my boys to confide in men. It's another thing for my boys to confide in other moms. I wanted to shout, "I AM YOUR MOM!!!" But, he already knows that. And, in the end I am grateful that he has people who he can count on to help guide him through this life.

Over the weekend, I was listening to some podcasts. I love Brene Brown. She might be my new favorite person! She was talking about people who we have in our kitchen cabinet. She said that if we have one, we are blessed. If we have two or three, we have hit the jackpot. I happen to have three in my kitchen cabinet. These are people, separate from our family, who we can absolutely count on to be brutally honest with us. But, they are people who are rooting for our rise at all times. They love us. They don't bail when things are hard. They stay in there with us, no matter what. They love us and stand by us because we are imperfect. They pick us up when we fall and walk with us when we are gradually finding our way on our own. She talks about the importance of this kitchen cabinet. These are not people who we have to put makeup on for, or try to pretend to be someone we are not for. These are people who just love US. As is. I have my B Beck, my Miss Teresa, and my Miss Birdie. These are three women who will never lead me astray. Ever. They will love me and pick me up no matter what. And, they do. I hit the jackpot.

In other news, I am getting strong. For me. For my boys. For my sanity. I am getting strong. I don't weigh myself. Once you've had an eating disorder and you've gone through the healing process, weighing yourself is cruel. So, I don't do it unless I am beginning a challenge. I don't want to lose weight and so I'll weigh myself to ensure I'm doing okay with that. Last night, I went in to love on Jackson and Kaydon before bed. They were watching Beauty and the Beast, which pretty much melted my heart. Anyways, Jackson said, "Mama, you're getting strong." So, I took a dang selfie, People!

For me. So that I can be in someone's kitchen cabinet. We all need a kitchen cabinet with people like my three. We also need to be that person for others.