This is the cover of the journal which I am keeping daily progress/set-backs in.
My Stephanie sent it to me.
It's perfect.
I want to thank every single person who has forgiven me, encouraged me and loved me... and especially those who continue to do so.
June 24, 2019 is really like a birthday to me.
It's the day that I decided to define my addiction, and determined to never fall back into it.
I have written a list of five items and they are then broken out into what I will do to accomplish each one daily.
Then, the next day I write about what I did or didn't do on that particular item.
Then, I send a picture of the entry to my "sponsors," who include my dad, my brother and my T.
I am ashamed and embarrassed.
I am confused as to how I got to this point and how I could have possibly stayed in this addiction for 20 years, thinking all along that I had it under control.
I am also SO grateful for those who are praying for me and who are in-tune with the Spirit and telling me exactly what Heavenly Father would want me to know. B Beck, Miss Birdie, My Mr. and Mrs. Watkins - who I am positive P is whispering in their ears exactly what to say because I swear they are his words, my Tina, my Jody and so many more.
My Miss Birdie said this to me last night:
You are hard wired for love and belonging and connection.
There is NO shame in that.
I truly believe some of us remember the amazing love we felt
from our Heavenly Parents and spend a lifetime
trying to recreate it unsuccessfully.
You are grasping at anything that will help you recreate the love
that your mind and heart remember.
Satan is using that against you.
It's not defective. The veil could not erase off of the love
you knew because it was so much a part of you as a spirit.
You are NOT hopeless. You have been misguided
on where to find love. You can relearn who will fill your heart with the love
you crave, the love your Spirit remembers.
I cannot describe the peace this brought to my heart.
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