This Young Man of Mine

Jackson sent me this picture yesterday.

If you click on it, he's sobbing.

He told me that he was watching his training videos and crying. A lot.

People!

I cannot explain to you in words adequately how many mixed emotions I have.

I am beyond proud of him for the choice he has made in his life.

I am beyond honored to be his mama.

I am beyond honored to be the mama of his brothers as well.

I am beyond sad to be "losing" him for two years.

That word is not being used with any disrespect toward parents who have lost their children on this Earth. 

It is simply the only word that comes to mind.

This is where our jobs as parents changes so much.

These are the days that I sort of watch him go and be a man and be a good, no great, human being on the planet.

I am going to miss him more than my words can express.

But, I know. I KNOW that he is going where he is supposed to be.

Be Still, My Heart

Our Sweet Pam was able to get us a few pictures from our family photo shoot session.

Be still, my heart.

These boys, though.

Oh, these boys.

I can't wait to see the rest.

But for now, I'm designing a mission farewell post card for this young man.

Be still, my heart.

Less than 30 days...

On Sunday, Je'Mari came running into church.

His tie was in his pocket.

He snuck over to Braxton and this happened.

Be still, my heart.

I love being a mama of boys.

I  love their hearts.

On Saturday, while Uncle Brandon and Aunt Carrie took Jackson shopping, I loved on these two mugs.

Be still, my heart.

They weren't feeling good.

Auntie wasn't feeling good.

But we ate. We cuddled. We watched movies. We took naps.

These two bring so much stinking joy!

And yesterday.

Yesterday, my kids ended up ditching school because I was positive they didn't have school.

Whatever.

But this boy and I went shopping.

I pretty much tagged along.

I am soaking up every single second I can with this one.

Be still, my heart.

Uh Oh! She's On One Again!!

I figure if I put it in the title, then you have all been warned!

Right?

I have some things to say. 

And this is my journal.

So, I'll say what I want.

First of all, my kids rock.

Kaydon passed his driving test yesterday.

This is proof that miracles still exist in modern day.

Kaydon starts at Cold Stone tomorrow.

Keep it in the family, Yo!

Jackson is shopping tomorrow with Uncle Brandon and Aunt Carrie for the rest of his mission stuff.

He is having his farewell on December 9th at 1 pm.

Braxton is making some changes to his school schedule.

We are hoping this will help.

Colton had an emotional morning.

When we dropped him off, there were a lot of cars.

He got out of the car and just kind of stood there.

Once we got to the freeway, he texted me and asked if someone could go and pretend to be his dad for "Dad and Donuts."

To say my heart broke would be a drastic understatement.

My heart shattered.

I told him that we will look forward to "Mom and Donuts."

And you better believe I'll be there for the whole damn thing.

Okay, now to my thoughts that go beyond my sweet, amazing rock star children...

Oh, how do I begin?

Like this, I suppose.

For me, a relationship is a commitment. It is loyalty. It is integrity. It is respect. It is being all-in.

Regardless of what type of relationship it is.

Okay, I feel quite a bit better and that wasn't even bad!

The end.

Have a perfect weekend!

I'll Always Say Yes

While I was at the gym last night, Braxton texted me and asked if we could go for a drive. I'll always say yes when my boys need me. I told him I was leaving the gym and on my way to pick him up. He drove us around Layton and Kaysville. He is a good driver. Jackson is too. But, Braxton is a good manual transmission driver. Jackson refuses to drive a manual. We talked as he drove. The night was beautiful. As we were driving back, he pulled in to a cute little restaurant and told me he'd buy me a dole whip. He bought one and we shared it and talked some more.

I'll always say yes to my boys when they need me. I am SO blessed to be raising these yahoos. My every day is completely focused around them. I work hard for them. I work out so that I can work hard for them. I hope that my efforts with them will be enough.

Another Open Letter to Another Girl

This is becoming a theme that I would rather not continue. Mama Bear writes again. Dear Different Girl - Regarding Different Son: First, I need to take some responsibility here. I actually encouraged this son to just "ask you out." NEVER AGAIN. What was I thinking? Ninth graders and eighth graders DO NOT need to "go out." Please see an older post that was directed toward another girl, regarding another son. This is like an epidemic! Or, maybe I just have a lot of kids so it just seems like an epidemic. Anywho, you're kids. I know that in this world you might not feel like "kids." Maybe you feel grown-up. You're not. An eighth grader isn't much different than a seventh grader (see other post), and therefore I would like to suggest doing eighth grader things like watching "Lizzy McGuire," or making crafts like elastic bracelets, or painting your nails. Heck, get your mom to sign a waiver so you can go tanning! But, boys just shouldn't be like a big priority for you right now. Similarly, my son has been told that girls should not be a priority for him, or his younger brothers. I might have also added in that conversation that girls are a bit crazy. I don't mean you are crazy... just girls in general are a little crazy. I am a girl and I am fully aware that I am crazy.

I would also like to discuss the issue of how people act after a break-up. For instance, your friends are giving him dirty looks and are ignoring him. Not cool. Let's all try to get along. Your friends were his friends. His friends are your friends. Boys don't tend to do the dirty looks/ignoring game. Way to go male chromosomes! It's not okay for kids to be mean to other kids. Just because y'all aren't going to be "going out" doesn't mean y'all can't just be friends. It also doesn't mean that the friends of each of you can't still be friends with each of you. I hope that makes sense. Finally, life is hard enough. Throwing in extra hard stuff is simply not necessary. Be happy. Be happy with yourself. Spend your time doing what makes you happy and having friends that are also working on being happy with themselves. When we fully realize that we are God's children and that He loves us perfectly, we tend to radiate that. It's a pretty simple concept. Be kind. Be smart. And, I really love my kid. This picture is of me and him, because those are the kinds of pictures I post when I am writing these open letters. He's a great kid. You're a great kid. Just be kids for crying out loud.