New Year's Lunch

Yesterday, the boys and I met Rand for lunch in Sandy.

We gave him his Christmas gifts.

And we stuffed our faces full of Olive Garden salad and breadsticks.

That stuff is like crack cocaine!

Braxton talked to Rand about school.

Kaydon talked to Rand about school.

Colton talked to Rand about school.

What did I do??

See above.

We will eternally be grateful for this man.

He went through a lot during the stroke and recovery.

A lot more than I realized.

He didn't think I would survive, and if I did he didn't think I would be independent.

He has told me that he thought about how to get me better, how to get the boys adopted, how to move the boys to Utah County, how to get them enrolled in new schools...

I had no idea how much of an emotional strain it put on him.

He is the best.

We are grateful to have him in our lives. He is a great father-figure to the boys and he loves them dearly.

We want him to be the happiest of happy!

Happy New Year's!

Temple Night

This picture is from a year ago.

Asher loves this guy.

This was last Thanksgiving.

Asher was hungry (hangry).

He was happy to have Rand hold him though.

And feed him.

And change him.

And make him laugh.

Last night, Rand and I went and did initiatories at Ogden's Temple.

It was his third time at the temple.

The first was last month when he took his own endowment out.

The second time was last month when Jackson went to the temple.

Then last night was the third time and we just did initiatories.

It was a slower pace.

No stress.

And dinner.

He always feeds me.

Garcia's has the best bean dip with tortilla chips.

Yummo!

Back to School Feast 2018-19

We had our Back to School Feast last night. 

This year, Braxton was in charge of the theme for our school year.

After Jackson ordained Kaydon to the office of Priest, we hurried home and Randy and I began cooking.

It turned out so yummy!

Next time, we will actually put the spices in it. 

I purposely left them out because I was sure I would hate the spice.

It would have been good to include it.

Spicy Corn Carbanara for the win! Garlic bread, Ceaser salad, and ice cream cake.

The theme for this year is "courage."

Braxton recited a scripture from the Old Testament about courage.

He then handed out necklaces that he made each of us. They are personal reminders for each of us to have courage to do the right thing. The small handouts that he made have the picture of a lion, the word "courage" and P's name in morse code.

The boys put these cards in their lockers or their notebooks.

I read a scripture on courage and explained to them what I expect out of them this school year, and really always.

Randy then concluded the dinner with his thoughts for them.

Here's to another school year!

They start Wednesday!!

Counting Down

Randy's girl and her husband have been in China teaching kiddos English. I have been able to see a couple of the videos that she has sent to her dad of the love that those babes have for she and Colton (her husband). They light up when they see her! Randy cannot wait to have them home. I have a little countdown on my office calendar. I am super excited to meet them. I was able to meet Colton's dad and siblings one night while we were out at a business dinner. They were the nicest, most genuine people! Less than two weeks and Kenz and Colton will be back home!

Good To Be Back

I've been a weee bit sick... like pneumonia sick. Oooopsie! I thought for sure I just had a cold. I was wrong, which rarely happens!! ;)

Life continued to move while I laid on the couch, watching Christmas movies on Netflix, sucking on cough drops and coloring. Thursday, Randy drove up and he and the boys used the rest of the Boondocks cards up. The boys were so fun to watch. Randy told me that my face lights up when I watch my boys having fun, with no sense of stress or sense of time. They racked up the tickets! I wish I had taken a picture of all of their loot! They smiled and laughed and took their prizes over to Randy who was patiently sitting on the darkened countertop at Boondocks because they were closing. Braxton got a lava lamp! He walked over and said, "I've been trying to get one of these for four years!!!" So cute!

Colton got a TMNT mask. He was Leonardo pretty much all day Saturday! This kid is pure joy. Pure joy! I was able to go to the gym Saturday for the first time in two weeks because I haven't been feeling good. It felt awesome to get back at it! There is an elderly gentleman who comes to the gym everyday. He is on oxygen and is very fragile. Every single day he gets on the treadmill and walks and walks. Every single time I see him, I wink at him and he winks back. It's a little piece of heaven, really! He inspires me so much!

Yesterday, Randy drove up again. Poor guy! Kaydon had asked he and I to join him for his Patriarchal Blessing. Once again, sitting and listening to Heavenly Father talk to your child is a slice of Heaven that I just want more and more of! Kaydon is an incredible 15 year old. He is a miracle kiddo who fought everyday of his first three years to be on this Earth. He is so valiant in his beliefs and in his values. He normally doesn't like a lot of people, but has really taken to Randy. It's fun to see his competitive side come out. The blessing was unbelievably beautiful and glorious. We asked him his thoughts once we were in the car. He just said he was overwhelmed. These little moments are huge blessings in a mama's life and I am so grateful!

We had dinner when we got back. Then, we pulled Braxton in to my room. My peanut is struggling so much in life right now. So much. I started to talk to him and then Randy took over. I was stunned at the words that were coming out of his mouth. Later, I thanked him and he told me that they weren't his words but rather HIS words. I knew that to be true. It's impossible to describe what it's like as a parent to watch your children struggle so much and not be able to choose for them. He was reminded last night that he is never, ever alone. We are all here. He is loved beyond words. When he is ready to let God back in, He is waiting close by. When he feels like praying, he will be buoyed up. Until he feels like praying, we will do it for him. He is enough. He is worth it. He is incredible just as he is. He is an imperative part of this family and he is needed and wanted. Pray for Peanut if you have a chance.

Then, Randy headed out to the car and asked me join him. We talked about his excitement for MacKenzie and Colton to come home. We talked to his mom and sisters on speaker phone. We talked about challenges and tender mercies. We laughed and we talked about the coming week. Guys, he's pretty rad.

Little South Bound Getaway

Let me preface this by saying that I sucked at taking pictures this past weekend. I was just relaxing and enjoying...

Randy showed up bright and early Friday morning and loaded up my golf clubs and bag. We loaded Kaydon, Colton, and Amia in and dropped them off at school. Then, headed south for a little getaway. We drove to Mesquite Friday and met up with his sister, Melissa. Two of her boys were playing in a soccer tournament and we were able to watch both of their games. The weather and the setting were so beautiful! Then, we drove back to St. George to his mom's house. We grabbed some dinner then just relaxed. Saturday morning, we enjoyed the back yard and it's swimming pool, hot tub and porch sets. Randy ran and got me some markers and his mom had a coloring book for me. I sat with my Diet Coke and colored for a bit. His cousins came by. Little Sierra helped me color for a bit. Then, we headed to the golf course to play nine holes with his mom. It was really, really nice. We went out to dinner after the golf and then watched some College football until everyone fell asleep but me. :)

Sunday, we headed back home. We stopped in Paragonah, again. We checked on the house and visited the cemetery one more time... until the next time.

Being in the car with someone for hours is a pretty good way to get to know someone. Testimonies were born. Lessons were taught. Stories were told. Tears flowed. Laughter abounded. It was a great weekend!

Single Mom Gig - Life Happening

The weekend was really, really wonderful. Mostly, Randy and I talked. A lot. And cried. And laughed. But, mostly we talked and learned. He already knows most of my insecurities and is learning, and teaching me, why I have them. One is my dad. One is P. One is assumptions. One is perceptions. One is lack of trust. (obvious) One is fear. We talked about all of them. We talked about MacKenzie, Colton, Zack, Jackson, Braxton, Kaydon and Colton. We talked about Asher and Anson... and how one day I'll be their favorite again! We talked about growth, mistakes, regrets, and experiences.

On the way home, he asked me about my dad and our relationship. He asked me why he hadn't met my dad yet. I started to open up about my feelings, and then just kept going and going. I cried. He listened. In the end, I decided to write my dad a letter... which I did yesterday. I wrote it with no expectation of anything in return. I got a response ( a couple of them), but none of it hurt me. None of it shaped any form of opinion on my end. I decided on the way home from our weekend that I was going to love my dad, just as he is... not as he used to be. Not as I feel he should be (who am I to make that decision anyway!). Just as he is now. I felt so much comfort after doing that and am excited, even elated, to move forward with a new way of thinking and with no more sadness or hurt or confusion. Just love.

As we got to Bountiful, I looked up at one of the digital freeway signs. For some reason, all I saw was "I15" and "Perry." I lost my mind. I started to sob. I wept. I asked Randy what the other words said, concerned that they said something about an accident. He continued to tell me that they simply said, "Love you Sis. I'm right here, P." I still don't know what the other words said, but I know that I did not expect to react the way I did. Randy asked me if I had written P a letter. I read him the letters I had on my blog. I realized at that moment it wasn't enough.

Yesterday, I spent my lunch break with P and Sarah (at least their dead bodies) at he Cemetery. I talked. I prayed. I cried. I laughed. I read my scriptures. I just was there. I felt so much peace. I felt so much strength. I felt so much that I needed that and that it's all okay. They have such a beautiful burial spot for their bodies. The view is extraordinary, even if it is under a pine tree (he hated pine trees!).

Today, I got a surprise. They are exquisite. The picture does not do these flowers any justice! They are unbelievably stunning. Even X-man is like, "Damn!!!" I love my X-man!

I am so grateful that life is happening and that I am learning and growing. Both with counseling and with life itself. I made myself a word board. Each week, I focus on one of those words. This week is "assumptions." It's about not saying, "I know..." when it comes to someone else's feelings. It's about not assuming that I know anything about anyone else. It's about being willing to ask. It's about being willing to stop myself for a moment and simply assume the best and most out of everyone. It's about not judging. Others or myself. It's about being open to people and their stories. It's pretty wonderful, really.

Thursday Start To The Weekend

Randy drove up Thursday night because he wanted to spend some time with the gang before the weekend getaway. We headed to Boondocks, ordered some dinner and purchased our passes for the night. Before dinner even arrived, Jackson got a call from work and was super bummed that he had to go. He had traded with someone that night so that he could hang out with us. He headed off to work and the rest of us started our bowling game. I suck at bowling. Like, bad. Like, I don't even think bumpers would help. But, I love doing it with my family. Kaydon was super competitive with Randy, which just brought so much laughter. Colton had way more fun once Randy pulled out the ramp for him. Who wouldn't?! Braxton started off slow, but came back strong!

After bowling, we went in for a little laser tag. I'm a big trash-talker when it comes to laser tag! I think I'm pretty good. Sooooo... I had to finish it up with two back-to-back wins!!!

Single Mom Gig - When You're Not So Alone

Meet Randy. Or Rand. Or LeRoy. Or Persistent Bob. You choose.

Miss T, and my family, have been aware of him. I'll talk more about him later. For now... I'll just leave this here.

Saturday night, I ran over to love on these two. I haven't seen them for a week and was feeling physical withdrawals. Sunday, we all met at Nana and Pops' house. Randy was there to meet the family. Allow me to remind everyone that I have always been Asher's favorite. Period. Like, no question about it. Until Sunday. Apparently, I am no longer the favorite. Randy is the new favorite. He sat with him at the dinner table, wanted him to carry him around the house (he can crawl), and every time I went in for Auntie kisses, I got his hand in my face. Carrie mentioned that I had been replaced. I am not willing to use that R word quite yet. Asher and I just need to have a little chat. These boys are SO loved. So flipping loved. They are just the greatest blessings for our family. I am so thankful to be their auntie and to live so close to them so that I can love on them every chance I get!!