Date Night & All That Glitter

I am fully aware that there is going to be a day, very soon probably, when my teenage boys do not look forward to Friday Night Date Nights with Mama. However, right now they are not complaining about it. In fact, they seem to look forward to it every week. This has been our new tradition. Last Friday, I got a text from Jackson. "Pizza Pie Café." I said, "Is that where we are going for date night?" He said, "Yup, and wherever else you want to go." I love that so much! He was thinking about it and even had a plan.

So, we met there with our end of the year free meal coupons and the boys filled up on pizza. They wanted to go next door to Seagull Book and Tape to look for books. Then, they wanted to go to Joann's Craft Store. My Braxton and Kaydon are super creative and love to do crafty stuff. Everyone got a roll of duct tape to create with. SO awesome! They posed for our date night picture. It made me laugh SO hard! I can't wait to put together a post about all of our date nights!!!

Finally, we went to Rue 21. They were selling shirts for $2 on clearance. Each of the boys got two. I'm a huge spender, I know. Free dinner, duct tape, and $4 in shirts. Whoa, Mama!!

Jackson Neal Jorgensen

Jackson Neal Jorgensen.

You are 16 1/2 years old. You are 6'1". You are lean and sometimes mean. You are hard-working. You treat women very, very well. You are sensitive, emotional, passionate, and empathetic. You are smart. You love to game. You love to relax. You love date nights with mom, and never ever complain about spending your Friday nights with your mom and brothers. You also look forward to Saturday family days and never complain about those either.

You are clean and organized, except when you're not. You are forgiving. You are resilient. You are brave. You are independent. You know what you want, and you're pretty driven to get it. You choose good friends and when you realize they're not, you get out. You don't stay in.

You are never, ever mean to your mama. You treat your mama very well, just like all of your brothers do. When you bless the Sacrament, you do so with respect, humility, and a commitment to the Lord. When you pray, you pray like you are talking to your Father - because you are.

You are handsome and witty.

When you were born, I could not have been happier. You were so colicky and I didn't think you would ever sleep or stop crying. You love your sleep now. You used to love Baby Einstein, being outside, and being held. You loved seeing big trucks and busses pass by out the car windows. You loved your binky, and carried it with you to kindergarten in your pocket. I used to sing, "Jackson, Jackson Jorgensen. You are the bubba and I am the mom. You eat and sleep and cry a whole lot. Jackson, you're number one." You've been my bubba since the day you were born.

Let me tell you something, Jackson. You are a son of God. That is no small thing. You are a holder of His Priesthood. You are expected to honor it and act with integrity. Don't you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. You've made a difference in so many lives, especially mine. You are more than enough. You're the star of your own life. He will enable you to accomplish the impossible.

Mommy loves you, Bubba.

Our Trial and Triumph - Week Full of Blessings

1. Beautiful flowers from Miss T
2. A new lap table for coloring from Rock
3. Message after message from Miss B, Miss Birdie, Mommy M, Miss T, and my Mama
4. Logan and Skipper
5. Date nights (every Friday night) with my boys
6. A private home, where we can shower, be sick, get dressed, cry, yell, eat, vomit, have diarrhea all in our own private space
7. The oil is changed in both vehicles
8. Yard work
9. Hugs
10. Seeing Moya

11. Prayer
12. Tears
13. Chapstick
14. Mommy M running an errand for me!
15. My view each morning
16. Uncle Brandon's expertise
17. Health insurance
18. Shoe inserts
19. Ability to pay the bills & buy groceries
20. Flip flops

Romeo and Juliet

I was running late this morning, so I hollered to Colton and asked him if he would make my lunch. I told him I would like yogurt, string cheese, and grapes. He was so excited to help with this. (Seriously) When I got downstairs, he had it all ready for me. He told me he packed two otter pops AND a freezer pack to keep them cold. (Autism is seriously awesome that way) Then he told me, "Red and blue stand for I love you."

How lucky am I?!?!

Yesterday was the sixth grade play. Colton had one line. He practiced it all week and Kaydon put together his costume. He was very, very nervous. But, he did AWESOME. He did his line like it was nothing! All of the other kids had multiple lines, and they ALL did so good! There were a couple of times during the play when something would fall and make a loud sound. He didn't shriek or yell, but he did run to pick them up right in the middle of the play. He is awesome that way. He didn't want anyone to be hurt or anyone to have to pick it up, so he just ran right in and took care of it!!

Pity Party

You might know you're being raised by a single mom when... the 16 year-old comes home with three boxes of ice cream bars, the 14 year-old instructs the 13 year-old to put in a sad movie, and the five of you sit on the couch --- eating the entire three boxes of ice cream bars and watching a sad movie. The 14 year-old is "breaking up" with the "girlfriend" who he broke up with last year. The 16 year-old was sad about the girls he has broken up with over the years. The 13 year-old is quite proud of himself for not having a girlfriend at this point. The 12 year-old just wanted to play with his Legos.

Seriously, we had THE best pity party ever!!!

You ARE Enough. You ARE Loved.

So, yesterday I blogged about sobbing for a good portion of the weekend - when I wasn't at work and wasn't at the ER, I was crying. Rough freaking weekend. (Don't repeat that "F" word, I don't let my kids say it) Braxton went to his friend's house on Saturday. Right after he left, I called him crying and told him to come home. I needed him to put a movie in for me. He was a good son and comforted me. Then he left again to go to his friend's house.

Miss Teresa was trying to tell me that I was worth it, that I was enough and that I was loved. Then, Monday morning I got amazing, beautiful yellow flowers in a smiley face vase. I cried again, but good tears. The note said, "You ARE more than enough!! Love you!" I am so blessed.

I texted Rock (Ernie) on Sunday night to ask him if he could get me a piece of wood to color on. He made me this awesome oak lap table. I love it. So much. I can't wait to color on it!

Things are so dang hard right now, but I HAVE to look for the good in everything and there is SO MUCH GOOD. I am so thankful.

Boymom

This was not the best weekend of my life. The truth hurts sometimes. Friday, after date night with the boys, Jackson and I had a date at the ER for a broken nose which he received while tackling a kid with his face while playing football.

Saturday, I got called into work and worked all day. When I got home, Braxton informed me that he thought he separated his shoulder again. I was slightly over-emotional and told him to take come Tylenol. I worked all day Sunday and when I got home at 8:30 last night, he was sobbing. Back to the ER we went. Shoulder was injured, but not separated. Turns out he dislocated three ribs. He was wrestling with Kaydon.

When we got home from the ER, I took my sweet time throwing my guts up in the toilet, while trying not to wake my sweet, very concerned boys up.

I keep telling myself that I never have to do this weekend again.

If only the tears would stop. And the vomiting. And the injuries.

Here's to a good week! PS. I really could not be more grateful to be a mom of crazy boys.

Our Trial and Triumph - A Week Full of Blessings

1. Successful spring social with my guys & girls
2. Fresh fruit!!!
3. Braxton's art work
4. Mommy Martha cutting my handsome boys' hair
5. Shaved legs
6. Child support
7. Sunshine & warmth & my camping chair
8. Movies in my room with my boys
9. Dinner with friends
10. Whipped cream

11. Working appliances
12. Beds and blankets and pillows for me and the boys
13. Clothes and food for my boys
14. Flowers in my front yard
15. Gus Gus
16. My five senses
17. Weekends!
18. Cooking dinner for my boys
19. Laughter
20. Date nights with my boys

I Care!

Last night, work was extremely busy for a Wednesday night. Like - cray cray busy. I was sitting at break and watched a kid walk into the men's restroom with a box of Nike shoes. I jumped up with excitement. Stuff like that is like a dream come true for me! I got on the radio and totally went into Paul Blart mode! When he came out of the restroom, I went in and checked all of the garbage dispensers. Then, I followed him and his colleague around the store while quietly talking on the radio. I was so cool!

Turns out, he was legit and didn't steal anything. But, my Paul Blart was on point!

We are selling this shirt right now. I kind of love it!

Right Now & Words

Right now is my happily ever after. It really is. I am learning and growing and falling and then getting back up. Isn't that what we all do everyday? Fall and then get back up. When we fall, we normally scrape our knee or our hands. They are sore and we have to clean them and sometimes put medicine on them. Then, we sort of ignore them as they heal. It might take a few days, but it heals. That's the same as our spirits and our souls. They get scraped up and sometimes bleed. They might even get infected. But, we take care of them and then they heal.

I went to dinner with a friend last night. It was a great hour, or so. We laughed a lot. I realized in that moment that my heart continues to heal. There are still days (obviously) where it gets scraped up BIG TIME. But, I take care of it and it heals.

Another thing, and this might offend some people. Sorry in advance. We all use words and rarely think about them and their meaning to others around us. I have done it my whole life, not giving much thought to it. But, to some they are hurtful and offensive and we need to be careful with what we say. Obviously, the word "retarded" is super offensive to me. Colton has been called that time and time again. It is infuriating to me when I hear it. People use it so freely, as if it's a comedy. It's not.

Last night I heard, "That's called stage 4 stupid." I laughed for a minute because I had never heard that term and I thought it was hilarious. Then, I stopped and wondered who might have heard it and if cancer is a real thing to them right now and if that just broke their hearts to hear it. Then it wasn't funny anymore.

I also hear a lot of people use the term "single mom" really loosely. If their spouse works long hours, they say that they are a "single mom." If their spouse is on vacation or is traveling for work, they use the term "single mom." This is pretty rough for me to hear right now. If your spouse is working long hours in order to support the family, you are not a single parent. If your spouse comes home to you and your family, you are not a single parent. If your spouse attends school events for your children ever, or helps to fix things around the house, or fix meals, or shop, or pay the bills, or comfort children, or talks to you about couple-things - you are not a single parent. Single moms, like me, do it all. We work to pay the bills, we raise our children alone, attend to meetings, appointments, school events, homework, doctor appointments, church events, stay up late with sick kids, stay up late with sad kids, comfort, soothe, fix, clean, cook, shop, take care of all yard work, do laundry, provide the spiritual support, teach, train, direct, and try to find time to sleep somewhere in between working multiple jobs just to make sure the children have hot water, electricity, pillows, blankets, food, shoes, socks, underwear, school supplies, insurance, hair cuts, and medication. That is what a single mom does.

So, I have learned that I need to be super careful with the words that I speak everyday because I have no idea if they will be hurtful or offensive to those around me. I'm grateful I've learned this lesson and SO hope that I do better. :)

Dear Mr. Mommy Martha

Dear Mr. Mommy Martha-

Thanks for letting Braxton hang out with you for a few minutes last night while the others got hair cuts. He really enjoyed it, and probably needed it too. My boys think that your new semi truck is pretty much the coolest thing of all time. Braxton was explaining all kinds of things to me about it last night as I was tucking myself in. He said that you are worried that it might be the biggest mistake of your life. But, my boys have seen some pretty big mistakes be made in their short lives. They think it's rather awesome that you took a chance on your dream and made it come true.

I think that it's rather awesome that you are a good, loyal, and faithful husband to Mommy Martha. I also think it's rather awesome that you are a good daddy to those four blessings you have in your home. I also think it's awesome that you let us invade your home when we come to get hair cuts once a month. So, thank you for everything!

Sincerely,

The Other Heidi

Spring Social

Today was our spring social at work. These guys are super easy to please. They want food and they want to play softball. It's a lot of fun. We feed them good, with Ernie's crew doing the grilling. Then, they get to go out and be competitive. This year, Perry's team pulled off the win - 12-11. Everyone left filled up and tired. Another few months, and we'll do it again for our fall social. I sure love these boys!

Our Trial and Triumph - A Week Full of Blessings

What is not okay about situations like mine is how many people it effects. It doesn't just effect me or my children - it effects everyone who loves us and cares about us. That breaks my heart and I am so sorry.

1. Perry
This guy has been my boss for one year. He has learned to deal with my sassy attitude. He has become so good at listening to me cry. Wednesday was a tough day for me -- and for him. I got that text message we talked about a couple of days ago. He walked in right after I got it. I lost it. Like, I couldn't breathe. I sobbed and sobbed. P just sat there, without a word to say. He blocked the contact. He told me I was okay and that it was all going to be okay, then he left to go help his daughter. I left shortly after to go home, to my bed. He tried calling over and over and over. I didn't answer. Finally I did and he sounded panicked. He told me that he had been trying to check on me, wanted to know where I was, who I was with, and if I was ok. Then yesterday, he and I drove around for 7 hours for Make a Difference Day. We talked and talked. He told me that "everyone" knew this day was coming and they had tried to prepare for it so that they could help me. He reminded me that everything was ok.
2. Ernie
Same work, same great crew. This guy has been my rock. He texted me Wednesday and told me, "We got you. We got you until you have you. We won't let you go." He came in yesterday morning and just hugged me. I know they have me. They always have.
3. Becky
She just knows. She just always knows.
4. Sarah
Ditto.
5. Celeste
On vacation, at her mom's, out of no where, she messaged me. She told me, "I hear you." "I understand." "It's done now. Now you just get to move forward."
She reminded me that she is just a message away and always will be.
6. My sweet mom
She is such a good listener. She calls and checks on me. She brings me back to my center. She has been so amazing.
7. Xavier and Kay and Tracey
I am so extremely blessed with the best co-workers who listen and comfort and help to explain and who are so patient with me.
8. Heidi
One of my greatest blessings. Seriously.
9. My brothers and sister
Just never give up on me.
10. LeAnne
I miss working with her so much. She just keeps comforting me and loving me.
11. These Boys
Enough said.

Our Trial and Triumph - The Anniversary

Today marks the two year anniversary that Josh and I became legally married. To be legally married is much different than being committed, I've learned. Vows aren't just words to me. Perhaps they are to others. It was a lovely day. It was also the day that my boys and I moved to Davis County. That turned out to be a great blessing. We have met people and experienced things that have been so important for us. These things would not have happened had we not moved to Davis County.

May 13 is no longer a day that my boys and I will mark as an anniversary. It is, however, a day that we will celebrate tonight - one last time. We will celebrate the fact that we are a team of five and that, although deeply scarred, we have survived. We have chosen to get up every single morning and go and do. We have chosen to rise up. We have chosen to cry our tears, then to move forward. I am so proud of us. I am also deeply, deeply touched by all of the tender mercies that have been ours. We are blessed beyond words.

So, today for the last time we will celebrate May 13 as a day of teamwork, of deep devotion between my boys and I. Then, we will move forward and treat May 13 as any other day.

Today Hurts

Today hurts. A lot.

I received a text this morning that "he is coming." That refers to Josh's new son. The son he is having with another woman.

I guess I thought I had gone through all of the emotions that would come. I was wrong. When I saw that text, I immediately began to cry uncontrollably. My boss quietly came in, closed the door and let me cry. He comforted me. He reminded me that I knew this day was coming. He walked me through blocking Josh from my phone.

Today hurts. A lot.

I can't seem to pull myself together. It's like I'm in that fog again. What a strange feeling that is. Sometimes I do question why. I don't actually ask "why?" But, I do wonder inside my shattered heart why my children and I must feel such an immense amount of pain for someone else's actions.

I don't compare myself to the Savior in the least, but isn't that what He did? He suffered a pain none of us will ever understand for our actions. He didn't ask why. He just did it. And, He did it so that I would be able to feel comfort and tender mercies through moments like this when I feel I may collapse under the weight of it all.

Today hurts. A lot. I feel like curling up on my bed and crying until no more tears come. I feel like holding my boys close. I feel like having my mom near me, tickling my back. I feel like giving up today. But, I won't. I can't. I have four babies who depend on me. And so I will be strong for them.

Today hurts. A lot.

Windstorm 2016

Last week at work was probably my very most stressful week at any job ever. The windstorm was so destructive and chaotic in Ogden. Well, Friday Braxton called me and told me we had some severe damage at home. What?? I looked out my window at work and saw dark clouds but I couldn't imagine a big windstorm had hit Hooper. I headed home and he was right. The shed roof went ba-bye. One of the windows blew out. A window screen is MIA. Branches and small trees are down everywhere. It made me drop to my knees and cry. The destruction that I have seen this past week has been so bad. People have been devastated, but we are all okay. I am so grateful for that.

Celebrating Moms!

I made sure that this weekend was about celebrating me. If I don't, who is going to?!?! :)

My boys and I went to breakfast Saturday morning, then to see Captain America. He is delicious. I was completely content looking at his face for two and a half hours. Who knows what the plot was or who the other characters were?! Who cares?! Then we went to Kohl's and got Colton some shoes. That boy and his shoes!

Sunday morning, I woke up to breakfast in bed. They totally spelled "mom" with apples. It made me cry. The boys and I watched movies and played Monopoly. It was Heaven.

Saturday night, Josh brought Brooklyn over to give me a card. It was really touching for me because I have been a little emotional about not seeing her for the first time in six years on Mother's Day. I appreciated him bringing her over. She wanted to rub my shoulders and have me hold her. She is getting so big and so smart and so sassy! She'll always have a huge place in my heart. I will forever love her. She'll always be my girl.

He also came Sunday night and made dinner. He has signed the papers and I am waiting for the fee waiver from the courts. Once I have that approved, I can turn in his signed papers. I am grateful that he wanted to make me dinner for Mother's Day. I hope we can always be friends and that I can have a forgiving heart - I have a ways to go on that.

My boys are my everything. They are my joy. They are my protectors, my comic relief, my gentlemen, my stress :), my reason that I work so hard every single day. I love them so much and I am so grateful that I was chosen to be their mama.

May Windstorm

Davis and Weber counties got hit pretty hard by a windstorm on April 30 - May 1. Ogden was hit extremely hard in some spots. These guys have been working around the clock to clean the City up and I couldn't be more honored to work with them!

My Other Boys

My Logan is in town to train his staff. I was SO happy that he, Nana, Pops, and Brandon came to our house for dinner on Monday night. I love my other boys - my sweet brothers. They are such good, good men. They are honorable, hardworking, hilarious as all get out (Logan spoke a little about a certain STD when trying to keep Braxton from liking a certain girl), kind, generous, unselfish and handsome! They hold me up when I can no longer stand on my own.

I wish Skipper could have been here too. I miss his face!

Love my other boys! My boys have such amazing examples through their uncles!

Gifts

Friday, I got home from work after a looooong, emotionally exhausting, physically trying week. I cried most of Friday in my boss's office. He loves that. I walked in and saw a package addressed to "Sassy Pants." It made me smile. Sweet Teresa had sent me a gift package with lots of fun things from Younique. I was so excited! Then I cried some more. I am so stinking blessed, People. So blessed. Heavenly Father absolutely knew who I would need to have in my life during this time and I couldn't be more grateful. Teresa is beautiful, kind, and has the most beautiful children!

You should totally search her on Facebook for your Younique needs!

Our Trial and Triumph - Week Full of Blessings

1. LeAnne's card
2. Date night with the boys
3. Brandon
4. Logan and Skipper
5. License Plates
6. Mommy Martha
7. B. Beck's testimony
8. Family Councils
9. Jackson's FHE lesson
10. The river that runs through it

11. My co-workers
12. Laughter (the kind that makes you cry)
13. Ability to pay our bills this week
14. Hot water, heat, gas, insurance
15. My mama
16. Crying
17. Good books by Prophets
18. The rain
19. Peace and comfort
20. Trials