Babies!!

Sometimes I wonder if I really, fully enjoyed every moment of my babies when they WERE babies. Now, they're taller than me! Things were really chaotic when they were little. I had a double stroller. It carried Braxton and Kaydon. I had a backpack, which toted Colton. I had Jackson, who held tight to my shirt or pants. I had a medical pole, which I pushed with my right hand, which I pushed the stroller with my left. I made it through those times, but I am not sure if I really fully enjoyed them and embraced them. Sometimes I feel like I just endured them... I just made it through. A co-worker had twins in December. I love these babies. I love my own babies, too. But, I love just holding these babies and making them smile and laugh, cuddling with them, bouncing them, talking to them, smelling them... you get the picture. They came to visit yesterday. I ate it up!

Kaydon and Hailey

Papa and Grandma got Hailey a couple of years ago. She is T.R.O.U.B.L.E. She has eaten their clothes, their shoes, their furniture, their appliances, their cell phones... the list goes on and on. She has been kicked out of TWO doggy obedience schools. PetSmart is NEVER happy to see her. You get the picture. This dog has problems. But, they love her anyways! Kaydon, though, as a way with her. Hailey loves Kaydon. Kaydon loves Hailey. When Kaydon is there, Hailey is her wing man! Hailey LISTENS to Kaydon. That dog doesn't listen to anybody! It is so sweet to watch the two of them together. Like, I actually like her a little bit when I watch her with him.

Brothers

Those of you who have known us, stood by us, loved us, prayed for us, sent well wishes our way through all of our "stuff," to you I say thank you. My boys are resilient, and thank goodness for that because most of their lives, their mama has sucked it up big time! I seem to have a hard time choosing the right. I like to make the same mistake about 97.8 times BEFORE I decide to choose the right. Because of my lack of choosing the right on the first try, my boys have been dragged through it. Last night, I sat on the porch and watched my big boys play soccer with each other. My boys are hilarious. They are strong and healthy. They are smart. They are articulate. They are fun. They are good. I marveled for a moment at how they have become such good boys. It's certainly not because of me. I am certain that it is because of prayers, good primary and young men's teachers, good bishops, good friends, good grandparents, good uncles, good great-grandparents, a good auntie, good people (strangers), who along the way have smiled at them, have given them $1 for helping in their yard, have encouraged them, have taught them through example to be good, good young men. Yes, they beat each other up. Yes, they tell each other to shut up. Yes, they yell at each other. But, down deep they love each other. They have always had each other and they always will. They love their mama. They are good to me. They comfort me and protect me. They teach me. They train me. They direct me in their own ways. I am immensely, and eternally grateful for the friends of mine who have never left me, who have inspired me, wiped my tears, hugged me, loved me despite my flaws. To each of you, thank you. I owe you big! These boys have been carried by our Heavenly Father more than even I know. He has held them in the hollow of His hands daily. They have been surrounded by angels regularly. This I cannot doubt. I am so thankful for a Gospel that teaches us that we have a Father. That our Father hears us and answers our prayers. These boys have been my very greatest joy, my greatest inspiration, my biggest reason for carrying on when I certainly felt like giving up. I am eternally grateful to be their earthly mama, the one who gets to hug them and love them every day. I am so grateful.

Squat Like You Mean It

My sweet friend and co-worker started this squat challenge group on Facebook. Being the nimrod I am, I joined up with it! Why not?! Why not experience such pain in my legs that I can't lift my right leg up onto the step, so I just faceplant into it instead!! It's awesome. But seriously, today is a rest day. Yesterday, I did 140 squats. REAL squats, like REAL squats People! We are half way there and every single day I feel stronger and stronger. I haven't missed a day. It is the best feeling! As someone who struggled mightily with an eating disorder for years, I could not be more proud of myself. First, I have maintained my 120 pounds for four years! When I entered the hospital four years ago, I was 103. 120 is awesome! And, I love that I can say that it is awesome! I am so proud of myself! I am also so excited that I can say (and really mean) that strong is so much better than skinny! I love that my body can do these things, that it can squat, lift light weights, walk fast and strong, and EAT. I have found so much joy in eating. Don't get me wrong, the little voice in the back of my head will always be there... the one that says, "You are fat and ugly and worthless and disgusting and gross and unworthy of food." But now I am able to tell it to SHUT UP. Every time I tell that voice that I am strong and strong is way cooler than skinny and that I am worthy of every single piece of food I put in my mouth AND leave in my stomach... I win. Squat like you mean it!!

Bring on the LOOOOOVE

Valentines is a tough holiday. You never know quite how to feel or quite what to say to people. For most of my life, I have hated Valentines Day... with a passion. I hated handing out Valentines in school, I hated that I never once got asked to a Valentines dance or prom, I hated that everyone seemed to get a Valentine... everyone but me... the list goes on and on. But, I LOVE getting Valentines from my kids and for my kids! Braxton woke me up today, wrapped his arms around me and said, "Happy Valentines Day Mama. I love you more than anything." Done. I'm sold. Is that not the best? It is. For those who are divorced, single, widowed, married but miserable, married but lonely, single and lonely, or just plain sad - remember that Valentines isn't just about being someone's Valentine. It's about love, and everyone is loved. Everyone. Remember to take a moment to ask Heavenly Father to be able to feel His love. It's there. I set up a Valentines gift for my kiddos this morning. They'll take their Valentines to school today and pass them out, and they'll come home all sugared up with lots of candy. Jackson will give his sweet "girlfriend" a ridiculously huge teddy bear with a candy bar. He'll have butterflies in his tummy. My sweet dad will give my sweet step-mom flowers. My mom's boyfriend will give her something special. The day will go on and then tomorrow it will be over. Just remember that YOU are loved just as much as the next person.

These Boys

Last night, we went to Costco. It is SO nice to have big boys to push that 150 pound cart around for me. After 45 minutes of shopping for the month, I fed them. It's so funny that my kids love salad! Love it! They want salad and berry smoothies. Every time. No pizza. No hot dogs (except Colton and Brooklyn). Just salad, please and thank you. Did you know that they no longer offer those ice cream bars dipped in chocolate and almonds? Sinners!!!! I am seriously considering sending a letter to the corporate offices! When we got home, my Jackson said the funniest thing. "Pretty sure they're having a face war, hashtag YOLO!" I wasn't really sure what had just happened, but I laughed my head off! That kid is funny sauce! Then, he asked me to take he and Braxton to mutual. I told him they could walk. He told me he couldn't. I proceeded to call him a "wuss." Yep, mother of the year right here. He then followed that up with, "Mom, there is a difference between being a wuss and being afraid of the dark. I just happen to be afraid of the dark." And, it's true. He is. My 6'1" boy does not like the dark. Don't worry, there is more. Today is "Parent Day" at the junior high. I planned on taking the morning off to go to the junior high and attend classes with Jackson and Braxton. Well, last night they sat me down and said, "We are only going to ask you once... do not come tomorrow." Oh. Well. Then. So, I'm at work this morning. Kaydon cleaned out the storage room last night. By cleaned out, I mean he threw away stuff that he didn't feel was necessary to have anymore. Kid after my own heart! Colton slammed into the concrete wall in the gym yesterday. Awesome. I love signing sheets that say that I have to check for mild concussion symptoms. I do that every day anyways!!!! I have four boys!!!!

No camera = no posts

We are still here.. alive and well.. well, kind of well. My camera cord broke a couple of weeks ago and I have this serious belief that if I don't have pictures, then I can't post on the blog. It's a big problem. Lately, this has happened: Josh is in constant pain. The MRI found a herniated disk in his neck, which has splintered and is splintered into his spinal cord. He gets his second injection today. They will go in through the side of his neck for this injection. Can't wait! If this doesn't work, he will need to have surgery. His playing days are over. Layton wrestling won the division championship last week. State championships are this week and he has a wrestler competing in every single weight class. Go Lancers! Jackson starts registering for high school this month. It seems so crazy to me that my little guy is SO big and is starting this new adventure. Braxton is doing well on his new meds. He has the complete opposite of constipation with all of this iron he is on, which is clearly not normal. We go back for follow-up testing in the next week or two. He is a happier kid, though, and that is awesome. Kaydon is just as happy and unhappy as usual! He loves to pretend to be whatever action character he sees on a latest movie. He really doesn't care what anyone thinks, which is awesome. He is loving school, and soaks up every single thing he learns. Colton is doing well. We had his quarterly ADHD appointment this past week with our amazing pediatrician. We are switching up his nighttime meds just a bit to see if that helps him sleep past 4 am. For the love of everything good in the world, we are REALLY hoping that this helps!!! We will be completing his IEP for the next school year soon with his teachers and school advisors. Brooklyn will be registering for kindergarten this month. Preschool has been so good for her! She will be more than ready to start kindergarten in the fall. I am usually a completely mess, but what else is new?!?! Work and school are more than busy and tough. Young Women's is good. I go to as many of the activities as I can. It's tough with homework and everything else. The girls are great and I am grateful for this calling!