Friday Favorites - Lip Plumper!!!

This bundle of goodness arrived on Tuesday. I texted Miss T on Friday or Saturday or Sunday (can't remember) and told her that I needed more eye brow gel, eye liner, and that I always love mascara! She replied that it would all be arriving the next day. She kind of knows how I roll! When I opened the box, I had two new surprises - eyelash serum & epic mascara AND lip plumper. O to the M to the G!!!!

First of all, I have loved every single mascara option Younique has had. Love it. Remember, I used to pull my eyelashes out... I don't anymore! LOVE! But, this eyelash serum and epic mascara... YOU WANT THIS IN YOUR STOCKING. You're welcome.

Second of all, lip plumper. I have never worn lip stick or lip gloss. They feel really uncomfortable to me. I don't wear that much makeup to begin with. I definitely re-apply chap stick all day long, but no lip stick. This lip plumper is the bomb dot com. Ladies... put it on your Christmas list NOW.

Then, give that list and this link to your people who will be buying you Christmas gifts:
Teresa's Beauty Shop

Again, it's my pleasure!!

When They Play Together

Last night, I was cleaning up downstairs and was headed back upstairs. I looked out the window and saw this:

These boys are so blessed to have each other. Sometimes they don't think so. In fact, probably a lot of the time they don't think so. But, they are. They were out playing frisbee last night, laughing and razzing each other. Then they headed to a fireside. I love those boys so much!

In the meantime, I ran to Brandon's office because the babes were there. How can I not run over to love on them?!?!

Single Mom Gig - It's All Me

Colton is at work with me this morning. He has his Autism check-up today. So, I dropped his brother off at school and Colton and I came to work. We will be here until it's time to head to his appointment. Then I will drop him off at school and come back to work. It's all me.

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be a stay-at-home mom. What would it be like to go volunteer in their classrooms? What would it be like to take them to their appointments without worrying about how quickly I have to get back to work? What would it be like to be there when they get home from school? What would it be like to make an after-school snack? What would it be like to have them call me from school because they were sick and be able to just go get them... without having to figure out how I am going to do that because I am in the middle of a meeting. What would it be like to not rush home to fix a quick dinner so that I can have some mama time at the gym for 45 minutes? What would it be like to not have to worry about how we are going to afford groceries this week?

Then I take a step back in to my reality. I am so blessed. These boys are beyond amazing. They absolutely go with the flow. They never complain. If tuna casserole is what's for dinner, then that's what's for dinner. If Jackson has to check out of school to get a sick brother from school, he doesn't complain. He just helps his mama. If the house isn't clean... which it never is... we do our best to help each other clean it up.

Last night, a sweet friend came to the door. I was about to run away... for real! It was one of those nights. She laughed and told me that she thought I was amazing. I think SHE is amazing. Her mom passed away a couple of months ago. It has been so hard for her. She lived with her mom and cared for her. She has never married and does not have children. In that moment, I realized that I am doing just fine. As I think about our challenges... and everyone has challenges... I realize that I have been blessed with four boys. I have been blessed with the opportunity to care for them, to teach them, to train them, to direct them, and to LOVE them. I have been trusted with their spirits. I have been trusted to wipe their tears, and my own.

It's all me. But, really... we are doing just fine.

The Weekend

Saturday morning, I woke up to Braxton bringing me in some breakfast. Yep, he's pretty cute! I ate it up and headed to the gym. So yummy!

Friday night, we met Brandon and Carrie at Farmington Station. I have to love on those boys as often as possible. They absolutely love the fountains. They are enthralled by them. It's the cutest dang thing!

Sunday, Jackson made homemade noodles. DELICIOUS.

Conferencing

The last two days, I've been at the gang conference. It is always a rough two days. I get really excited about it, then we get there and it's emotionally exhausting. Seeing videos and pictures of these kiddos who are born just as innocent as any other child, going in to a life which they think has no return is heartbreaking. It's heartbreaking to see the damage that it causes to other people, as well. It's all just for nothing. Tonight, I'll be going home to discuss all of the NEW drugs that are now out there that look like any other candy or soda pop with my boys. I will be discussing stranger danger AGAIN. And drug danger AGAIN. I'll be discussing with them their worth and how no one can ever take that away.

And... I really missed my P this year. A lot.

Single Mom Gig - Kitchen Cabinets

As a single mom of four boys, I have always done everything in my power to ensure that they talk to me about everything. I want them to always feel comfortable coming to me to talk to me about anything at all. I have always felt that ensuring an open and honest line of communication with them is imperative. About a year ago, I had a heart-to-heart with our bishop. He explained to me that there are some things my boys don't want to talk to me about because they are so protective of my heart and my feelings. They don't want to tell me things that are going to hurt me or make me sad. As I spoke to my children, this was indeed the case. When they need to talk about their feelings due to things that have happened in the past, they held it in because they didn't want to hurt me. So, I explained to them that we need to always have a couple of people in our life who we trust to love us, tell us the truth, and help us through our trials. My boys have mostly clung to my brothers and their grandpas. They have also had amazing bishops and young men's leaders the last few years who they trust and have confided in. We have been so blessed to be surrounded by people who love my boys like their own.

Recently, though, something changed. Braxton started dating Cam. He started spending time at her house. During the summer, he would take Kaydon and Colton over with him. I began hearing about "Mama V." This was Cam's mom and my boys love her. A lot. Braxton started confiding in her and talking to her about his feelings, his trials, his fears, his triumphs. He spends a lot of time with her. This broke my heart. It was one thing for my boys to confide in men. It's another thing for my boys to confide in other moms. I wanted to shout, "I AM YOUR MOM!!!" But, he already knows that. And, in the end I am grateful that he has people who he can count on to help guide him through this life.

Over the weekend, I was listening to some podcasts. I love Brene Brown. She might be my new favorite person! She was talking about people who we have in our kitchen cabinet. She said that if we have one, we are blessed. If we have two or three, we have hit the jackpot. I happen to have three in my kitchen cabinet. These are people, separate from our family, who we can absolutely count on to be brutally honest with us. But, they are people who are rooting for our rise at all times. They love us. They don't bail when things are hard. They stay in there with us, no matter what. They love us and stand by us because we are imperfect. They pick us up when we fall and walk with us when we are gradually finding our way on our own. She talks about the importance of this kitchen cabinet. These are not people who we have to put makeup on for, or try to pretend to be someone we are not for. These are people who just love US. As is. I have my B Beck, my Miss Teresa, and my Miss Birdie. These are three women who will never lead me astray. Ever. They will love me and pick me up no matter what. And, they do. I hit the jackpot.

In other news, I am getting strong. For me. For my boys. For my sanity. I am getting strong. I don't weigh myself. Once you've had an eating disorder and you've gone through the healing process, weighing yourself is cruel. So, I don't do it unless I am beginning a challenge. I don't want to lose weight and so I'll weigh myself to ensure I'm doing okay with that. Last night, I went in to love on Jackson and Kaydon before bed. They were watching Beauty and the Beast, which pretty much melted my heart. Anyways, Jackson said, "Mama, you're getting strong." So, I took a dang selfie, People!

For me. So that I can be in someone's kitchen cabinet. We all need a kitchen cabinet with people like my three. We also need to be that person for others.

I Needed It

I took Friday off. I needed it. I needed to clean my house, open the windows for fresh air, read the books my counselor recommended, and workout at my own pace. It turns out, Carrie needed some help with the babies and I needed them. I checked Kaydon and Colton out of school after lunch and we went to the babies. We loved on them. We went to Farmington Station again and watched the fountains. We walked around, got a Fiiz, and then headed back to put the babes down for naps. Their mama was home by then. I can't express in words how much I love those babies. And, those babies love their cousins so much. So much.

Saturday, I worked out and ran errands. Then, I watched as my boys left to go to the Lantern Festival. I was home. Alone. Usually, I love that. Saturday, it was tough. I cried... and let myself cry. Then, for the 20th time that day, got on my knees and pleaded for peace, comfort and contentment. I pleaded to have faith in my Heavenly Father's will for me. I watched the morning and afternoon session of conference, then made blankets for Ogden Regional's NICU. I got myself a shake and went to bed. Meanwhile, the boys sent P a message to heaven.

Sunday, we went to my mom and pop's house. The boys ate. A lot. We watched conference and just talked. I told my mom and pops about counseling. Then, Pops gave me a gift.

I love him so much. He is constantly telling me that I am enough, giving me pointers on how to stay strong emotionally and spiritually, and telling me that I'm loved. He listens so well. He has ADHD and sometimes I wonder if I am more than he can handle. But, when he is in "dad" mode or "grandpa" mode, he is completely focused on us and is able to really hear us and then listen to the Spirit and tell us just what we need to hear. And, he loves my mom more than anything in the world.

I needed that.