Colton's One-on-One

Colton had his one-on-one with Papa and Grandma on Saturday. Colton chose to go swimming. Papa is so awesome, as he got right into the pool with him. Colton had a great time. The boys then slept over with Papa and Grandma. They had such a great time. I am so thankful for the time that my kiddos get with their grandparents, who all love them so very much!!

I'm an Auntie!

Asher Dean Robb was born on Saturday in Arkansas. I am dying to meet him and love on him. Dying.

So, Brandon and Carrie tried for years to have a baby on their own. Carrie had four VERY bad miscarriages. The last one almost killed her. At that point, they decided that they would adopt. They began the process and then waited to be chosen by a most unselfish birth mama. Well, right after they found out that a little boy would be theirs in February, they also found out that they were pregnant! Carrie is due in May with another little boy. These two babies will be 2 1/2 - 3 months apart. How fun is that?!

Brandon will be coming home in a day or two. Carrie will stay in Arkansas with Baby Asher until all of the paperwork is done. Then, she will come home with their new little angel. I seriously cannot wait!

We love you Baby Asher. And, to your sweet birth parents: your unselfishness, love, and charity are something I have never before witnessed. As a mommy, I cannot fathom giving my baby to a family simply because I know they will be taken care of better than I could have. You are truly noble people. I pray for your comfort, your peace, your solace during a time that must be more difficult than I could ever imagine. Thank you for your gift to our entire family.

Our Trial and Triumph - A Week Full of Blessings

1. Mailed in divorce papers... again... for the umpteenth time...
2. Colton's genetic testing
3. Patient teachers
4. Diet Coke (just the one per day makes this mama happy)
5. Eric's surprise visit at work on Thursday. The girls were swooning. So cute!
6. Being able to talk to RRH
7. Being able to make dinner for kids four nights this week
8. My cute grandma
9. Mama is feeling so much better
10. Protein shakes

11. Kaydon's awesome Sacrament talk
12. 5,000 calendars to keep me straight
13. Date nights
14. Ability to pay bills
15. Ability to multi-task like a boss (even though I need to be on medication)
16. Quitting Facebook
17. Music
18. Kay's homemade protein balls
19. I get to see my Miss V on Tuesday
20. Ability to make a difference (we all have it)

Friday Favorites - Hair Product

I have this awful naturally curly/wavy/wacky hair. Sometimes (a lot lately) I have just not been in the mood to spend the three minutes it takes to straighten my hair. So, the last couple of days this girl has gone to work with the curly/wavy/wacky hair I was born with. It does, however, require some product. If there is no product, it turns into frizzy/ugly/even more wacky hair. So, I use Jackson's product. It's Hanz de Fuko. (That kind of looks like a bad word, huh?) Anywho, it is awesome-sauce. It's a little on the extreme side. Like, don't use very much. Like, your fingers might stick together all day. But, it holds this curly/wavy/wacky hair in place all day for this girl!

Hold On!

Hello. My name is Heidi. I have a problem. I over-think.

I should seriously start a help group for people just like me. But then I would think about it all of the time and it would create the need for more help for me, less for others in the group. Anywho, I have a serious problem.

It might be the fact that my husband had a child with someone else. I mean, let's be honest - that can cause a whole lot of problems that we don't need to get in to right now. It might be the fact that I watch Forensic Files like an addict. It might be the fact that I have to analyze everything in my life. It might be the fact that I probably need to up my dose of medication. Whatever it is, I have a problem. Did I mention I have a problem??

Eric is trying to help me knock this stuff off. He has discovered that I over-think everything. Every word he says. Every little picture he sends me. Every plan we make. I over-think all of it. Yesterday, he called me. We talked for a few minutes, then I went in to a meeting. All I thought about that entire meeting was our conversation and I kept questioning (in my mind) what we talked about. After the meeting, I sent him a text that was about 1,000 words, telling him that I was so sorry for this and that and the other. He just replied, "Babe. Stop giving yourself a hard time. Just laugh." Oh. That was literally my response. "Oh."

My positive affirmation card today reads, "You are terrific. YAY!"

I'm going to work on over-thinking that sucker!

Autism - Details & Starfish

Colton and I went to his Autism check-up this morning with the irreplaceable Sherlene. Gosh, I don't know what we would do without her. We would be a shit show if it weren't for her! Well, we are now but a lot less than we would be without her!

We started genetic testing today. Colton was stuck on the fact that the dinosaurs in her office come to life and walk around during the night. He has continued to gain weight and his blood pressure was high. She should have checked mine!!! Yikes.

Last night, Jackson went to check something on Colton's phone. He found that Colton has followed 300 porn stars on Instagram. Oh! Told you it's a shit show! Colton does not connect the fact that this is NOT okay. To him, they are just friends. So, this is where this mama goes a bit crazy. People who develop, create, distribute porn - you are garbage. Just saying. There are people out there who have the easiest route to porn, who do not understand what is happening. For crying out loud, take your filth and shove it up your ass.

Anywho, Jackson wiped Colton's phone clean. Colton will be giving Brother his phone everyday after school now. But, back to our amazing Sherlene. She has starfish on her walls and throughout the clinic. It's what she believes to her core - we serve the one. We make a difference for the one. And, she does. She makes a difference for my one. My Colton is functioning because of her and her belief in him... and her belief in this single mama who sometimes wants to hide in a cave and not come out for a few days...

“Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out “Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?”

The young man paused, looked up, and replied “Throwing starfish into the ocean.”

“I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?” asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, “The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them in, they’ll die.”

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, “But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can’t possibly make a difference!”

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said,

“It made a difference for that one.”

― The Star Thrower (1978), by Loren Eiseley

Our Trial and Triumph - A Week Full of Blessings

1. My new Valentine's shoes
2. A little break to Wendover
3. Sharing Klondike bars with P
4. Braxton one-on-one time
5. KK coming in my room in the middle of the night for snuggles
6. Valentine's date with Jackson
7. Colton texting me the most awesome things during the day
8. Nana getting peach fuzz on her head again!
9. Crock pots
10. Purple/pink hair

11. Hats (see above photo) - Friday started off a little rough
12. Funny You Tube videos
13. Beds, pillows, blankets, hot water, appliances, carpet, heat, windows
14. The dang sun shining
15. Crystal Light, still
16. Laughter. I seriously love to freaking laugh.
17. Snuggles
18. Miss Birdie
19. The new Younique mascara - badass!!
20. Babies

Friday Favorites - Nicknames

Nicknames make me so happy. When I was a little girl, my dad called me "Tweetheart." Grandpa Nef always called Brandon, "Bud." When I had kids, they each had a nickname:

Jackson: Bubba
Braxton: Peanut
Kaydon: Buddha
Colton: Boogie or Pookie

I also had nicknames for Josh's kids:
Brooklyn: Little Miss, Lady Cakes, Woman, Sis
Treyvan: Goober

And, there are others:

Sarah: Miss Birdie
Teresa: Miss T
Becky: B Beck
Maureen: Mo
Heidi: Mommy Martha
Shaleece: Leece
Sara: Sassy Pants or Sass
Xavier: X or X-man
Kalynn: Kay Kay
Gus: Gusalopolaus
Perry: P
Greg: Boss Man
Bill: Billiam
Jeff: Jeffer
Nate: Nathaniel
Kyanna: Kiki
Shyanna: Shy
The list really goes on and on and on. If I don't have a nickname for you, I will soon. And, it will be epic... or at least awesome.

What's Important

Yesterday, I got this text from Colton... along with my response:

I mean every word I said to him. Autism is awesome. Colton is awesome. Colton with Autism is also awesome. And, I can name a mama and three brothers who adore him, so...

In other news, Jackson texted me yesterday and asked if I had lunch plans. Then, he drove up and we went to lunch on Valentine's Day (National Single's Awareness Day). It was the perfect date. It was the perfect Valentine's Day. I ate the biggest burger they had and I am pretty sure that a couple of my French fries actually had sharp edges on them and I did not have a panic attack. So...

LOVE Day!

All the love that I need is in this picture right here!

Have I mentioned before that I love these four creatures? They are absolutely hilarious. They are handsome boys. They are really good eaters. Seriously, though. These kids eat so much stinking food. They love their family. They love ALL of their family. They love their mama. They treat females just the way they should. I am very proud of that.

On this day of love, I so sincerely hope that every single person on earth feels that someone loves them... and more importantly, I hope that they feel that they have someone to love. These boys fill my heart every single day. Some days, it's more like filling my heart with anxiety and fear and angst. But, most days it's filled with love and joy and gratitude.

Date Time

Friday night, I had a fun date night on my own with Eric. Then, my Jackson wanted some mama time. He asked me to go with him to get his hair cut. He's been growing his hair out for a year. It was actually kind of sad to see him cut it all off. But, he looks so handsome! When the hair cut was over, he took me to get ice cream. It is a pretty great thing when your teenager works for an ice cream shop!

I pretty much call no one by their given name. His friends get a kick out of the fact that I call none of them by their given names. For instance, Clay is "Play-doh," Aaron is "A-A-Ron," Ryan is "Ree-Ann," and David is "Duh-Veed."

Some day they'll appreciate my humor.

Our Trial and Triumph - Week Full of Blessings

1. I finished the Book of Mormon
2. Rain
3. Ability to buy the boys some shirts
4. Ryan paying some child support
5. Braxton's doctor appointment
6. My first nephew is coming soooooon
7. My P
8. Shyanna
9. Bravery
10. Kaydon's humor

11. Portable heaters
12. New comforter set from my Mama Kathy
13. New pillows
14. One Diet Coke a day
15. Pooping!!!!!
16. Brandon's talent and abilities
17. Hot baths
18. Deodorant for teenage boys
19. Layton's State wrestling championship
20. We get to see Auntie!

Friday Favorites - Positive Affirmation

Listen, Friends. Positive self-talk is hard. For me, it's near impossible. It's hard to begin telling myself that I am enough, or that I'm doing okay, or that I am strong when what I hear on the outside is different... or when my perception of other peoples' thoughts is different. Miss Sarah sent me a packet, with a holder, for my desk. Every morning, I change my card to the next one in line. Then, I look at it all day long. You wouldn't think it would do much, but I have discovered something amazing about myself in the last week.

When I am at the gym, I am there alone. I go by myself. I don't talk to anyone, unless I'm yelling at them for grunting or throwing their weights but that's a different story... Anywho, almost always on my last set of weights (regardless of what they are), I want to give up. My body is shaking and I am sore and tired. The last week, I have discovered that I am saying OUT LOUD to myself, "You can do this. You are strong. Look at what you have been through. You can do another 10 reps, Heidi. In fact, you can do it like a boss. You have got this." Then, as I begin doing the last set, I hear myself saying, "See!!! And you didn't think you could. That was one lift you didn't think you could do.. that's two... that's three and so on."

I am beginning to believe in ME. That is one of the greatest gifts I can give myself. You don't have to buy cards, you can write them. You can put them on post-it notes and then put them on your mirror, or on your dashboard, or on your desk. The more you look at them, the more you will believe them.

Love

Last month, I missed craft night because I was in the hospital with my kidneys trying to kill me. I picked up my wood on Saturday and got these babies done Tuesday night. It was so nice to sit and paint and be creative. It's been way to long since I took the time to do that! I especially love my five hearts - one for the mama and four for my warriors. Oh, how I love them!

All Done

Last night I finished the Book of Mormon. I was super proud of myself, and a little sad all at the same time. I'll start it over tonight.

There are stories in the Book of Mormon that I know... not the way most people who are scripture scholars know, but I know them. I couldn't tell you who all of the heroes are, or who all of the bad people are. I couldn't tell you what story is in what book. But, I know that when I read my scriptures every night, I am following a commandment. I know that we have been given beautiful promises that pertain to reading the scriptures everyday. And, I know that I have been blessed with peace, comfort, happiness, quiet calmness, and light because I have read my scriptures. Right now, that is a good enough reason for me to continue to heed that commandment.

Hiding Out

This is me, at work, on Sunday. I am hiding out in a locked fitting room because a shoplifter was in the fitting room next to me and we were on to her!

I seriously live for this kind of stuff!

Kaydon's One-on-One

Once a month, Papa and Grandma take a grandchild (they have six) on a one-on-one. It was Kaydon's turn in February. Kaydon ended up spending about 12 hours with them. He had lunch, went to a movie, and a BYU basketball game. He also got to play with their dog, Hailey, who loves him!

I think it's so, so great that my kids get to spend time with their four grandparents regularly. I always felt a little jipped that I couldn't spend a lot of time with my Grandma and Grandpa Robb because they lived 20 hours away. I am so thankful that I was able to spend a little more time with them as I grew older.

Our Trial and Triumph - A Week Full of Blessings

1. Mama's successful surgery
2. Date night with my boys
3. Four workouts this week
4. Crystal Light
5. Ability to pay bills and get groceries
6. Colton got invited to a birthday party!!
7. Kidneys are functioning!
8. Sassy Sara covering my Wednesday shift at Kohl's
9. Bishop Krum
10. Heating pad

11. New office chair
12. Kaydon's humor (it might be a little inappropriate, but it makes me snort)
13. Bert taking my boys to church
14. Washer and Dryer at our house (I can't imagine having to go to the Laundromat)
15. Maple and brown sugar oatmeal
16. Health insurance
17. Ability to voice my convictions (even if it comes across sassy or hard-headed, it's me)
18. Recognizing that I'm me, and that's enough
19. Pictures of my boys kissing their Nana
20. My minky blanket

Friday Favorites - Online Shopping

I am finally back on the wagon with doing Friday Favorites on the blog. And, I definitely love this one!

The bishop and I had a talk on Tuesday night. I am clearly stretched very, very thin. I have zero time. Like, none. A normal day is getting up, getting three boys to school, hurrying to work, going home at 5, making dinner for the gang, heading to the gym, getting home and having conversations with each boy, going to bed. That's on an easy day. Days when I work both jobs, you can just forget about it. It's tough. It's tough on me and it's tough on the boys.

Yesterday, WinCo opened right across the street from us. I am super excited about this, as their prices are great and I have always felt like that had what we needed. Having said that, there was no way in heck I was going there yesterday and our fridge consisted of ketchup, expired sour cream, about six eggs, left overs, and mayo.

I decided to try out the online ordering. I am here to tell you that I LOVED it. I am a fan. It was relatively simple. It would probably be completely easy peasy is I didn't need everything. I received an email confirmation. When I got home, I told Jackson and Kaydon that they would need to go pick it up between 6 and 7 (they give you an hour window to get it picked up). I gave Jackson my debit card and headed to the gym.

When I got home, most of the groceries were put away. I asked Kaydon how it went. He said that they just followed the instructions on the sign where they parked. They brought everything out. Jackson gave them the debit card. They gave Jackson and Kaydon treats to eat in the car while they loaded everything. They also gave the boys a separate/updated printout. It included any substitutions that needed to be made, and if they were out of certain items, price-matches, etc.

Although I think Smith's is way over-priced, last night was exactly what I needed it to be. It was simple. It was quick. It was one less hour that I had to try to fit in somewhere. I am totally a fan!

Kicking Cancer's Arce

Yesterday was the day that the surgeon went in and took out the rest of that cancer. Miracles happen. Know why? The only thing the surgeon had to take out was that ovary. No bowel. No other organs. That bowel had cancer in it. Not now. Nana has four holes in her tummy. Nothing but a thing that is. The boys and I drove down yesterday and loved on that Nana. She won't remember it, but we don't care. We have pictures. Pops was right... we should have audio recorded what she was saying because it was priceless. She LOVED cranberry juice yesterday. Colton is a good boy. Who is Eric? How are P and Rock? Who is Jackson's new girlfriend? Kaydon is handsome. Pops has great ideas. It's weird that Braxton isn't the one in the hospital. She is tired of the bed. She wants a shake, except she throws them up so not today.

Oh, how we love this badass?!!!!!!!