Un-Friday Favorites - My Boys are Growing UP

People.

Jackson is going on a mission this Fall. I have been mentally preparing myself for a year for this. I think that denial is my best asset right now. Don't judge. #stroke

Yesterday, he received his acceptance letter to Dixie State University in St. George. That is a four hour drive. He will start there when he gets back from his mission... which will most likely not be taking place in Layton, Utah.

I might have cried. I did.

People, I am so damn proud of this kid. He is mature far beyond his years. He has always put himself in the man-of-the-house position. His brothers and I have found great comfort in that, although I have always begged him to just be him... to be a kid. His role has been much different and our Father in Heaven has given him all of the talents and skills he needs to fulfill this role.

My bubba. My baby boy. My little man. My sidekick. My protector... always. My comforter way too often. My grown-up mission-going, college-going young man.

Tender Mercies and Breathing Treatments

Jackson has had a cough since November. It has not let up and it's beginning to cause irritation to everyone in our home. Plus, Jacks started fevering and just overall feeling yucky. When I got home from work on Tuesday, he asked me to take him to Instacare. My boys are so independent and so I LOVE when they still need their mama!

The doctors are stumped. They've ruled out virus, pneumonia, collapsed lungs, acid reflux, and tumors. For real. They have tried nasal sprays, inhalers, cough meds, cough drops... Nothing has helped him. So, they put a pretty strong concoction into a breathing treatment and left him to be. He felt like it helped quite a bit. They have also put him on an extremely strong steroid for a week. Because my kids are my kids, as we left the doctor and were driving out of the parking lot, Jackson says, "Man, I hope it doesn't make my privates smaller!!" I was snorting. My kids are so stinking hilarious.

As we were walking back to the room, I recognized his nurse from pictures Braxton took on December 10th. She was my nurse at Instacare on that day. I said, "I only recognize you from pictures... I was here on December 10th..." She stopped me and said, "You're the one who we thought was having the stroke!" I said, "Yes. And I did. And thank you for calling the paramedics so quickly to get me to the hospital fast. You may have saved my life." She was elated. She told us that Instacare hardly ever sees people as critical as I was, but when they do they never hear the outcome. She said that they still talked about me and wondered how I was. It was a tender mercy. I was so grateful that I was able to share my gratitude with her and my love for the team that saved my life that day.

Single Mom Gig - Auntie Time & Siblings

I am beyond blessed with two amazing brothers, the greatest brother-in-law and the most awesome sauce sister-in-law. These four are enormous influences in my life. They love me enough to tell me when I'm dumb. They love me enough to give me advice. They love me enough to tell me they love me. They support us financially, emotionally, and spiritually. No one on this planet send funnier Insta messages than Logan. No one!! They will make you snort up the food in your mouth through your nose -- they are that funny! They love my boys and make sure they know it!

And these nephews of mine...

Love. Joy. Bliss. More joy. They are extra-ordinary and my love for them grows daily.

Friday was a bit of a rough one! I texted Brandon and Carrie and asked if I could go love on babies. I drove over and just gave kisses and snuggles and loves. They are both becoming mama's boys which is so sweet to watch! Asher is so dang busy... he only has time for you if you're going to flip him in the air. Auntie does it as many times as he wants! Anson had a bit of a cold and wasn't happy about snot running down his face, but that smile makes everything in life bearable. He wants to do everything Brother is doing and gets super frustrated when he can't.

I love these boys so much! They have healed hearts and minds. They have amazing parents and are so dang loved by everyone!

More Prom Pictures and Nachos!!

Braxton sent me the rest of the pictures from Junior Prom. Isn't he so handsome?! Isn't she so beautiful?! I'm telling you.. I am a bit partial to these girls who choose to look extraordinary in modest dresses! They all look beautiful!

I made homemade nachos on Saturday night. It's a thing that I love to do... mostly because I love to eat them! I am slightly obsessed with nachos. I LOVE them. If I am at a sporting event, I NEED nachos. It's a thing. My boys all like different things on their nachos. I always do a spread of nacho cheese (duh!), olives, sausage, ground beef, homemade guac, sour cream, beans, salsa... and if R is eating then I cut up some fresh jalapenos. They are never not a hit!!

Friday Favorites - Customized Tumblers

You guys!!!

Seriously, look at these. My sweet friend, Amy, makes these! Can you imagine the talent?!

They start at $25. You can buy a plain one at Ross for more than that. For real.

Email her and place your order!! lov2dohair2005@yahoo.com

Getting My Float On!

Yesterday, I took the train down to American Fork... where T picked me up. We drove to Provo and found our float spot. It's a lovely place right near Provo Canyon. The girl was very nice and the place was extra, extra clean and zen-like. We watched a video about how the filter could suck us in if we don't get out soon enough... then the fake animated character laughed about it. I was not laughing! We took a tour of the spot and she introduced us to our capsules -- our floatation spot for 60 minutes.

I was a bit nervous, mostly because I had never done it before and I didn't know what to expect. I think T was more interested in my facial expressions as things were explained to us!

Then, we each went to our own personal rooms. I stripped down to nothin' and then showered in the in-room shower. Seriously, People... BEST shower head EVER!!!!

Then, in to the capsule I went. It's approximately 10 inches of salt water. The water temperature adjusts to our skin temperature. I got in... did NOT close the lid to the capsule... and began to float. I immediately went in to my meditation and I'm telling you - my brain shut off and I floated for 60 minutes. It was so relaxing. My brain got its nap for the week and my body was just able to be. For the first time since December 10th, all parts of my body felt EQUALLY strong. It was almost emotional for me.

I strongly recommend this place! I believe there is a different company located in Roy. I just might check them out. T bought our tickets through Groupon for an extra good deal.. hint hint.

Single Mom Gig - Supporting Mama

If you haven't heard, I'm a Younique Presenter now. I am selling this amazing makeup and skin care in order to pay my medical bills from the stroke.

My boys have been my biggest supporters... seriously. Both Jackson and Braxton are having virtual Facebook parties at the moment. Obviously, they aren't doing it to earn makeup. They are doing it because they support me and they love me and they want to help me succeed with whatever it is I'm doing.

They help me set up for Facebook Lives. They help me set up parties. They help me with computer stuff. They help me to organize and get work done.

They encourage me and laugh at me when I have masks all over my face. They love me and they are my biggest cheerleaders. I am so grateful that I am so blessed in my single mom gig.

Prom 2018

Braxton Boy went to Prom on Saturday. His cute date was Madi (I can't wait to see all of the pictures that were taken!!). These pictures are from our house before they left...

They went to the Trampoline Park for their "day activity." Then they went to Outback Steakhouse for dinner, got pictures done, and then to the dance they went! The only hiccup was that Peanut forgot his debit card. LOL!!! He came home and got it... with people in the car. I loved it!

He looked so handsome and had such a good time!

Life Isn't Always Easy

Last night was an extraordinarily bad night. Because I respect the privacy of my children's feelings and emotions AND because I am learning to respect my own, I won't go in to details. I will say this, though:

Life isn't always easy!

After the extraordinarily difficult events took place, the bishop came over and said, "So, Jackson. I forgot to tell you last night while we were doing your initial missionary interview that Satan is about to blast a storm against you that is epic. He will stop at nothing to keep you from going on a mission. He will use your family against you. He will use anything at his disposal."

Can't wait...

Well, Satan was on his game last night and we were not prepared!

But, here's the thing... Heavenly Father is stronger. The atonement is stronger. Families are stronger. We pulled out of it together... with a loving bishop and my sweet and strong brother who is always there with his Priesthood. We pulled out of it together with a couple of phone calls to R, who is in Chicago, and changed his flight to come home tonight to be with Braxton. We pulled out of it with a phone call to my T, who let me cry (the ugly cry) and then made arrangements to be with me, even though I shut her down.

And this...

This was the outcome, the final period on Satan's effort to destroy us.

This embrace.

This love.

This forgiveness.

This mercy and grace.

This use of the atonement.

Sooooooo.... next time you want to throw a storm our way, Satan... try to remember that we are the storm. Try to remember that our Savior has given us a safety net to get up and try again. Jackson is going on a mission, worthy and ready. Just so you know...

Occupational Therapy - The Tasty Kind

I baked in the hospital as part of OT. There is a full kitchen in the therapy gym room. I had to be able to utilize the kitchen, read and follow a recipe, and bake some brownies and cookies before I was discharged from OT. I absolutely loved those days in therapy. I felt "normal" doing something like baking. I felt like my mama instincts were still there. I felt like I was doing something for others again, because I would always share the cookies with my friends (fellow patients).

Because I was still unable to read, I would cover my left eye with my hand and follow the recipe instructions as best as I could. I would turn the oven off, and write a reminder to myself to turn it back off. I would crack the eggs, dig the shells out of the bowl because my left side was not on point yet... I would measure the sugars and the flour with a little help from my therapist. Then, I would eat the dough because that's what I do! While the goodies were baking, I would ask if I could re-organize the cupboards. It felt so much more like home than anything else I did... and how I longed to be home with my boys, being a mama... a good, worthwhile mama.

I have continued baking since I came home. I love this therapy because the reward is immediate. I can see that what I did worked and that I did well right away. There is so much baking in my house because of this. Last night, I made sugar cookies and dipped them in chocolate. We had strawberries in the fridge with left over chocolate, so I dipped a carton full of strawberries, too. My boys love it! My guys at work love it! Whenever I come in with treats (which is often), my guys say, "Sis has been doing therapy again!!!"

Rub Downs

Daily, the rehab gym was full of those of us learning to move our hands, sit up, roll over, transfer, stand up, put pegs in holes, walk, climb stairs, ride bikes, match up cards, bake, etc. It was full of music, laughter, and love. Always so much love! It was always a happy place... a positive place. I loved therapy everyday. Loved it. I was so set on working my trash off because I felt like if I did, I was getting closer to going home with my boys. That was what I wanted. There were also tears... of joy, of frustration, of fear, etc. I cried when I couldn't roll over the first 20 times I tried. I cried when I took my first steps. I cried when I did my first squats. I cried when I baked my first cookies. I cried when I would get stretched. I cried when I left.

Within those walls, there is also yoga and rub downs. The muscles that aren't getting used like what they are used to need to be stretched and worked a lot. It also helps with the sensations, I learned. The more touch, the more stretching, the more work... the more feeling I had.

When I was discharged, I noticed a difference when I was no longer getting stretched and rubbed down. A sweet girl in my ward volunteered to come to my house twice a week to give me a massage on my left side. It helped so much. I noticed such a change in the amount of sensation I was getting back when she came. She has a little baby and it became hard for her to come. I went to the nails place near my home a few weeks after I got discharged. They had missed me! They began to rub my leg and foot once a week... just because. They don't speak very much English, but they get SO excited each time they get more movement out of my foot and leg. Yesterday as they were rubbing my foot, it was ticklish for the first time since the stroke! They all gathered around to watch me react to the sensation. They are so much a part of it and I am so blessed with a team that cares so much about my recovery!!!

Today, I feel strong. I feel a good amount of energy. I feel like I will be able to rest tomorrow and then I am very hopeful that I will have a good amount of energy on Thursday and Friday. That's the goal!

Just Trust, Heidi Ray!

We got to love on babies on Saturday. Asher is on the go like you cannot believe! He is everywhere, within seconds and in a way it makes me very sad! I remember being so grateful as my boys became mobile because there were so many of them and holding everyone was never a legit possibility. I don't feel that way with my sweet nephews. I want them to stay little forever. Watching Asher be so independent and wanting to walk instead of having Auntie hold him is sad to me! Sweet Anson is sitting up so big. He had some doozies of dumps on Saturday. Luckily, Kaydon is a master diaper changer and even offers to do it for me!

After my doctor's appointment on Friday, I went home and rested for a bit. I was not looking forward to the appointment, but left feeling very relieved. The doctor was able to pinpoint what took place on Wednesday and we were able to come up with tools to help me now and moving forward. She has decided that my body and brain need a break in the middle of the week. So, I will be working five hour days, except on Wednesdays, which I will have off. I am over throwing up resistance. I am ready to just trust the process and focus on the good. No more pity parties for this girl for now... for sure there will be some in the future!!

Yellow Flowers

Braxton got me out of bed last night around 9ish. I had to put some dang clothes on and go downstairs. My sweet visiting angel was there with ice cream, root beer, and yellow flowers. Yellow flowers are my absolute favorite. I love yellow. I love flowers. Sometimes I get some for myself because no one else is going to get them for me! But, she did!

Miss Tina is the epitomy of what visiting teaching should be. I always tell my visiting teachers, "Don't come see me!" I seriously feel like I have so much on my plate and I just don't feel like I will be present with them when they come. Miss Tina has fed my children, brought gifts, driven me to the train station over and over so I could go to my doctor appointments in Murray. Her hugs are always timely and her smile makes me heart melt. She loves me and I love her and that really is what is supposed to be happening, People!! It's not supposed to be fake or about making sure we visit so we can check that off the list. It's not supposed to be about not wanting to feel guilty about not going. It's about loving the people around us and following promptings. Always. No matter what.

I have always been so blessed with visiting angels. B Beck and Mo were my visiting teachers when my babies were babies. We started a tradition about 14 years ago of going to lunch together a few times a year. B Beck has been my spirit sister since! She was the first to hold Colton after he was born... even before me! She is one of my "cupboard" people! Miss Tina is amazing in every way. I am just so blessed and I need to be better at blessing others... whether I'm "assigned" to do it or not!

And, happy freaking weekend!!! We get to love on babies tomorrow!!

Hustling!

If you were lucky enough to watch my Facebook Live last night (wink wink), you know that I am now selling Younique products! T has been selling Younique for a couple of years now and supplying me with what it takes to put my own face on! I don't wear very much makeup at all. But what I do wear is all Younique and I sincerely love their products. Skin care is more my jam... and they have the best!

So, last night I got on Facebook Live in my gym clothes... If I would have thought that through a little better, I probably would have had makeup on and had my hair did and been wearing normal clothes, but then I wouldn't have been me. And, I'm me. Tonight, I am going live again with one of my teenage boys. I haven't had this discussion with them yet, so who it will be will be a surprise to all of us... including me!! But, you know it will be awesome.

Please go to my virtual party between now and March 15th and do some shopping. Or don't. But do, if you want to!!

https://www.youniqueproducts.com/HeidiRay/party/9144899/view

This Boy

In full transparency, I have no idea what the text means on this picture...

This boy of mine is not going to be around for too much longer and I'm trying not to have another stroke. For real.

His senior year is coming to a close in a couple of years. He'll graduate from Layton High. Then he will be putting his mission papers in and leaving before the end of the year. I continue to hope that the Brethren will come out with some kind of rule for single moms who have children on missions. I just need to be able to go visit once a month... or more. For real.

Jackson has always been far more mature than his age. He has always assumed the role of the man of the house. No matter how many times I have reminded him that he just needs to be a teenage boy, he continues to act far more like an adult than most adults I know. He is responsible, caring, logical, and so on top of things! He teaches his brothers and me everyday.

He will be the greatest missionary and the best husband and father. I am so stinking proud of this kid and so honored to be his mama!

Such A Big Boy!

Anson is 9 months old and finally decided that sitting up is a pretty cool thing to do!

Asher even seems impressed! That boy never sits still... I love that he's sitting with this little brother for a minute! These two are going to be besties!

P.S. Anson's eyes really ARE that dreamy! His hair really is totally surfer-like and gorgeous. These boys have my heart!